Hermoine wrote: Since you have the luxury of being more neutral, maybe you can point out what I am missing. How is Scratch's posting of my involvement with a spanking website related to my post or the topic at hand?
I'm sorry, Liz. While I may be more neutral, I am much less informed than regular readers/participants. I don't know all the background or the players that much. I don't know the variety of board names that some posters apparently use. I haven't read all the threads or relevant posts on this topic, at least not enough to be any kind of "neutral" judge. I'm not in any chats or groups so don't see it from that perspective either. I'm not well known enough either that other posters would bow to my opinion or think that an oracle has appeared in their midst to elucidate this matter. Other posters seem to know the background much more than I do or even that I could catch up on. Many have weighed in with good comments and suggestions.
What is unfortunate is that once personalities and tempers enter into an exchange people do get hurt, friendships are damaged, enmities are made, and it can be hard for anyone to be neutral. I regret seeing this. Nobody participates on a discussion board to get hurt or damaged, especially not if it reaches them in real life. I don't know how many rules would be needed to prevent it, if that's even possible. Maybe it's a case of quashing it if it occurs rather than always being able to prevent it.
Meanwhile, all of us have to be Net savvy and protect our identities to the nth degree, as well as protecting our in real life information, and our feelings when we post as well in order to hopefully enjoy the experience rather than being crushed by it. Part of all that is to avoid being naïve and too trusting. Unfortunately, in some faiths, such as Mormonism, the latter is something we may learn quite late, after a lot of hard knocks. We are taught to be "soft" when the world eats soft folks for breakfast. Better lessons to teach would be to become aware, stay alert, learn to be self-sufficient, ask questions, be independent, and identify our core principles and adhere to them throughout.
Another lesson I've learned, and am glad of it, is to choose my battles and to ask myself where I want to put my energy. As Kenny Rogers sang, "know when to fold 'em". Often, even when I think I am totally in the right over an issue, I choose to walk away in order to devote my life energy to another cause. It's hard to do when you want to fight instead but usually in retrospect it's the way to go. For me, this is especially true when it comes to cyberspace activities.
Of course, it's easy to spout advice from a faraway position. If I felt that my character was being impugned, I'd likely fight hard, even if it's not even in real life. People can laugh about why we care when it's only an internet pseudonym involved but to me, "Nightingale" feels like me. There have been times when I have made a great effort to clear up disagreements or misunderstandings that were only involving me as Nightingale. If it were me in real life, I'd fight even harder, definitely, so I understand that impulse. Still, Kenny is my go-to guy for advice on that ("know when to fold") so that I can make the best use of my time and energy.
I don't have a strong opinion on this either way, for reasons stated above, but these are just some of the thoughts that came to mind after reading your query, Liz. Sorry I couldn't be more definite. There is also the major reason too that I studiously avoid getting involved in arguments between individuals, on discussion boards or in real life. I greatly dislike discord and vigorously pursue peace. Life is definitely short. I see that every day in my work and family life . So, I can't say in this instance who should do or say what or what should have been done differently. I was just interested in making a few comments about rules covering a discussion board. I enjoy the analysis and the creation of mini societies, such as discussion boards like this.
Meanwhile, good luck Liz.
