The Punishment of Eternal Marriage

[_The Mighty Builder]

We have an Engineer at the office who is a Slave to the Mormon Corporation - Spending his lunch hour researching dead-people for the Mormon Dead Pool list (which the Mormon Corporation sells to Ancestry.com for $60 Million a year), taking Wednesdays off so he can do the Mormon Hokey Pokey Dead People dance at the Mormon House of Handshakes, Serving on every Mormon PR project such as canning, Mormon building clean-up, etc. Yes, he is slaving away to be Mormon Bastard Jesus acceptable perfect and gain his eternal reward.

A reward that includes an eternal marriage. The cruelty of this is that his eternal companion is a shrill, harpy, nasty, bossy, ill-tempered, shrewish, bitchy, entitled, money-grubbing, selfish, elitist, nagging, ugly, abusive, temperamental, foul, and every other form of unpleasantness imaginable wife.

So the harder he works to gain the exaltation promised (and now denied - "we don't teach that you get your own planet and become gods) the sadder it becomes.

If there is ANYONE who should commit every sin possible to get away from his sealed companion it is him.

Poor Stupid Dumb Bastard.

[_son of Ishmael]

Maybe he thinks that his wife is not going to make it the Celestial Kingdom and he can hook up with some other ones up there...

[_CameronMO]

Maybe he thinks that his wife is not going to make it the Celestial Kingdom and he can hook up with some other ones up there...

[_Jonah]

Maybe he thinks that his wife is not going to make it the Celestial Kingdom and he can hook up with some other ones up there...

LOL!!! That was the motivation for my mother staying in a piss-poor marriage to my father. The hope that after death Heavenly Father would reward her with a new Celestial hubby for "enduring" mortal life with my him. I told her that I wasn't sure that the Big E. participated in some sort of Celestial "Love Connection/Dating Game", but she was dead set convinced it would happen. Maybe she had a burning in the boob about it. Crazy.

[_Sanctorian]

One of my Seminary teachers would tell us that in the Celestial Kingdom, you will get to pick how your spouse looks. No lie. He would say that whatever you want your spouse to look like, they will look that way as a reward for making it into the Celestial Kingdom. All their imperfections will be gone. If you want your wife to look like a Pornstar, that will be up to you when you make into the Celestial Kingdom.

[_Quasimodo]

One of my Seminary teachers would tell us that in the Celestial Kingdom, you will get to pick how your spouse looks. No lie. He would say that whatever you want your spouse to look like, they will look that way as a reward for making it into the Celestial Kingdom. All their imperfections will be gone. If you want your wife to look like a Pornstar, that will be up to you when you make into the Celestial Kingdom.

Imagine the embarrassment of those poor wives who suddenly start to look like young guys. Then there is that one that turned into a sheep.

I wonder how many guys there are up there that look just like George Clooney?

[Guest]

One of my Seminary teachers would tell us that in the Celestial Kingdom, you will get to pick how your spouse looks. No lie. He would say that whatever you want your spouse to look like, they will look that way as a reward for making it into the Celestial Kingdom. All their imperfections will be gone. If you want your wife to look like a Pornstar, that will be up to you when you make into the Celestial Kingdom.

Imagine the embarrassment of those poor wives who suddenly start to look like young guys. Then there is that one that turned into a sheep.

I wonder how many guys there are up there that look just like George Clooney?

BEST MORMONICIOUS ETERNAL REASONING EVER!!!!!!!!

[Guest]

Just to understand the extent of horror awaiting him in his celestial eternal marriage, realize that when he gets a cold or other illness, she makes him stay at a hotel until he is better.

Yep, together for ETERNITY!

[_The Mighty Builder]

And to counter the Seminary teacher's lesson, remember Alma 34:34

34 Ye cannot say, when ye are brought to that awful crisis, that I will repent, that I will return to my God. Nay, ye cannot say this; for that same spirit which doth possess your bodies at the time that ye go out of this life, that same spirit will have power to possess your body in that eternal world.

[_Jonah]

And to counter the Seminary teacher's lesson, remember Alma 34:34

34 Ye cannot say, when ye are brought to that awful crisis, that I will repent, that I will return to my God. Nay, ye cannot say this; for that same spirit which doth possess your bodies at the time that ye go out of this life, that same spirit will have power to possess your body in that eternal world.

Hmmmm. It says "same spirit"...but it doesn't say "same body". Hmmmmm.