Another victim of Mormonism: The fairytale wedding

[_Sanctorian]

My wife grew up dreaming like most girls do, that one day she would find her prince charming and have a beautiful wedding. The best day of their life awaits a lot of girls in anticipation of the most glorious wedding ceremony that Hollywood can dream up. A beautiful location surrounded by family and loved ones dressed in the most exquisite white gown fitting for a princess. Each girl likely wants their wedding to be unique and special to remember for the rest of their lives.

So what does Mormonism do? It "F"s up what should be the most glorious day and turns it into a rubber stamp. How many times have you heard of a woman changing her dress so that it is temple ready? It doesn't matter what you want your dress to look like, it has to be garment approved. When you get to the temple, you cover up your beautiful dress with masonic robes. Instead of sharing personal vows that are meaningful to you and your spouse, you have to listen to the regurgitated lines of the temple sealer. The exchange of wedding rings is an after thought. Joining your hands in some secret grip is more important than the symbol of wedding rings. And what about sharing this most glorious day in your life with all your friends and family. Forget about it because some won't have a temple recommend and will miss the ceremony completely.

And what about the celebration reception party after a Mormon wedding? Well, I've been to my fair share, including my own, and all I can say is blah! Will their be dancing and joyous celebration? Not likely. Do you share a toast to the newlyweds. Most definitely not. Instead, we'll all meet in the gym of the church and stand in line to meet the little Mormon princess. We can all take pictures under the fluorescent lights and have a nice orange glow to our skin. We can then eat our party mints and get the hell out of there as fast as we can. No need to linger at a Mormon wedding unless you're the family hosting the event. If you're just a visitor, you've got this down to a science since the majority of Mormon weddings are exactly the same. Show up right at 7. Place your gift on the table. Walk the line and shake hands. Make sure you stay for 10 minutes so people saw you there and then bounce.

So to my little girl. I will pay for you to not have a Mormon wedding. I will give you the wedding you deserve. I will give you the wedding you want instead of the wedding the LDS church has planned for you. It's your day. Not theirs.

[_Fiannan]

I understand your concerns but at least the gay marriage controversy will cause the Church in the USA to have to do away with doing weddings in the temple. Couples will have to get married elsewhere and then drive to the temple to be sealed.

I will have to say one thing about LDS weddings in the USA though and that is that Mormons don't usually go into huge debt trying to out-do each other. I can say that such ceremonies make weddings quite plastic, unless one is truly wealthy -- like in those Hollywood movie weddings.

[_moksha]

I will have to say one thing about LDS weddings in the USA though and that is that Mormons don't usually go into huge debt trying to out-do each other.

Excellent point. It will cost Sanctorian a pretty penny to have the wedding in the Elysium Crystal Cathedral at Cloud City Prime, not to mention the new silver-encrusted pony for his little girl.

[_Maureen]

I am not Mormon but my husband's family is, so I have many LDS nieces and nephews. So far three have married (another niece married a non-member); one niece did not marry in the Temple but did have two ceremonies (one in the groom's town, and one in her's). The two nephews that married in the Temple both had ring ceremonies. Nephew #1 had a Scotish theme (bagpipes, etc) with his ring ceremony and it was held in the chapel. The reception was in the Cultural Centre (gymnasium) and was decorated nicely. In typical fashion things wrapped up by 9pm. I did really enjoy their ring ceremony, they put a lot of thought into it. Nephew #2 had his ring ceremony is the Cutural Centre, which was "decorated to the nines". The bridal party had a procession, with the bride walking with her father down the aisle to music. It was a nice ceremony which ended with a recession to music from the Little Mermaid (Bride is an over the top Disney fan). This was another ring ceremony with a lot of thought put into it. The reception was nice, visiting family and the younger crowd was more enthusiastic about dancing than the older crowd. This group of nieces and nephews are all siblings and have a good family bond with a very unique "family" sense of humour. The wedding/family pictures taken on the Temple grounds showed off their unique sense of humour. The majority of my LDS family (nieces and nephews) are Canadian with just two who are American. I'm wondering if there might be a different, less restrictive attitude with Canadian Mormons than with American Mormons.

M.

[_maklelan]

My wife grew up dreaming like most girls do, that one day she would find her prince charming and have a beautiful wedding. The best day of their life awaits a lot of girls in anticipation of the most glorious wedding ceremony that Hollywood can dream up. A beautiful location surrounded by family and loved ones dressed in the most exquisite white gown fitting for a princess. Each girl likely wants their wedding to be unique and special to remember for the rest of their lives.

And reality kills that fantasy 999 times out of 100. Mormonism isn't to blame for that particular problem.

So what does Mormonism do? It "F"s up what should be the most glorious day and turns it into a rubber stamp. How many times have you heard of a woman changing her dress so that it is temple ready? It doesn't matter what you want your dress to look like, it has to be garment approved. When you get to the temple, you cover up your beautiful dress with masonic robes. Instead of sharing personal vows that are meaningful to you and your spouse, you have to listen to the regurgitated lines of the temple sealer. The exchange of wedding rings is an after thought. Joining your hands in some secret grip is more important than the symbol of wedding rings. And what about sharing this most glorious day in your life with all your friends and family. Forget about it because some won't have a temple recommend and will miss the ceremony completely.

Except for those people who grow up dreaming of a temple sealing. And those people who prioritize their faith over notions of a Hollywood party. The only real issue that causes any legitimate concern there is the excluding of other family members. I don't like that aspect of it, but the non-members in my family understood and were more than happy to attend every part of it they could. I realize I'm lucky in that regard, though. Maybe someday we can effect real change in that department.

And what about the celebration reception party after a Mormon wedding? Well, I've been to my fair share, including my own, and all I can say is blah! Will their be dancing and joyous celebration? Not likely.

There was dancing and celebration at mine. My brother's band played. I even played a few songs with them. It was a blast. Sorry your experiences have been bad.

Do you share a toast to the newlyweds. Most definitely not.

We just used sparkling apple cider. It doesn't really mean that much to me what liquid is in the glass.

Instead, we'll all meet in the gym of the church and stand in line to meet the little Mormon princess. We can all take pictures under the fluorescent lights and have a nice orange glow to our skin. We can then eat our party mints and get the hell out of there as fast as we can. No need to linger at a Mormon wedding unless you're the family hosting the event. If you're just a visitor, you've got this down to a science since the majority of Mormon weddings are exactly the same. Show up right at 7. Place your gift on the table. Walk the line and shake hands. Make sure you stay for 10 minutes so people saw you there and then bounce.

You sound like you have terribly boring and unoriginal friends and family.

So to my little girl. I will pay for you to not have a Mormon wedding. I will give you the wedding you deserve. I will give you the wedding you want instead of the wedding the LDS church has planned for you. It's your day. Not theirs.

Sounds like it's more about you than her at this point.

[_angsty]

I'm wondering if there might be a different, less restrictive attitude with Canadian Mormons than with American Mormons.

Might be. When we were planning to get married, we were advised that the ring ceremony should be modest so as not to overshadow the sealing, which was the "real wedding," and that it should serve primarily as an opportunity to share the gospel with non-member/unworthy family and friends by allowing the bishop to tell them all about what they missed in the temple earlier that day.

Needless to say, we would not subject anyone to that, and so married quietly and privately, without family, friends and fanfare. We were more comfortable excluding everyone than choosing to exclude some and not others. Given my belief at the time that the church was "true," I have no regrets.

[_Jesse Pinkman]

I am not Mormon but my husband's family is, so I have many LDS nieces and nephews. So far three have married (another niece married a non-member); one niece did not marry in the Temple but did have two ceremonies (one in the groom's town, and one in her's). The two nephews that married in the Temple both had ring ceremonies. Nephew #1 had a Scotish theme (bagpipes, etc) with his ring ceremony and it was held in the chapel. The reception was in the Cultural Centre (gymnasium) and was decorated nicely. In typical fashion things wrapped up by 9pm. I did really enjoy their ring ceremony, they put a lot of thought into it. Nephew #2 had his ring ceremony is the Cutural Centre, which was "decorated to the nines". The bridal party had a procession, with the bride walking with her father down the aisle to music. It was a nice ceremony which ended with a recession to music from the Little Mermaid (Bride is an over the top Disney fan). This was another ring ceremony with a lot of thought put into it. The reception was nice, visiting family and the younger crowd was more enthusiastic about dancing than the older crowd. This group of nieces and nephews are all siblings and have a good family bond with a very unique "family" sense of humour. The wedding/family pictures taken on the Temple grounds showed off their unique sense of humour. The majority of my LDS family (nieces and nephews) are Canadian with just two who are American. I'm wondering if there might be a different, less restrictive attitude with Canadian Mormons than with American Mormons.

M.

We are American. 3 years ago, my daughter was married in the temple. She had a ring ceremony later the same day that was beautiful. Both her father and I walked her down the aisle. She had her best girlfriends as bridesmaids in a traditional line. Our Ward bishop conducted the ring ceremony, and my daughter and now son-in-law wrote their own vows, which they delivered when they exchanged rings. We also had a DJ, dancing, and plenty of good food.

I don't know why more LDS families don't choose to do what we did, but my daughter was certainly happy with her wedding day, and so were we.

[_Aristotle Smith]

And reality kills that fantasy 999 times out of 100.

Reality sure is powerful, so powerful it violates the laws of probability.

[_Sanctorian]

Except for those people who grow up dreaming of a temple sealing. And those people who prioritize their faith over notions of a Hollywood party. The only real issue that causes any legitimate concern there is the excluding of other family members. I don't like that aspect of it, but the non-members in my family understood and were more than happy to attend every part of it they could. I realize I'm lucky in that regard, though. Maybe someday we can effect real change in that department.

Dreaming of a temple sealing is different than knowing what a temple sealing will consist of. I imagine most women have no idea in their teenage years that a temple sealing will consist of masonic rituals. Beautiful churchy building, sure. A temple would qualify as a nice building to get married in. Temple garb and getting your garments, unless they changed the temple preparation class, it's still a shocker to most people.

There was dancing and celebration at mine. My brother's band played. I even played a few songs with them. It was a blast. Sorry your experiences have been bad.

I don't think you're really sorry.

You sound like you have terribly boring and unoriginal friends and family.

Maybe. Or maybe they are doing exactly what 90% of Mormons do and that's all they themselves know how to do. Don't get me wrong, I've been to some Mormon weddings that try and make it better than the gym reception, but that's the minority. Most end up in the gym to save costs no doubt.

So to my little girl. I will pay for you to not have a Mormon wedding. I will give you the wedding you deserve. I will give you the wedding you want instead of the wedding the LDS church has planned for you. It's your day. Not theirs.

Sounds like it's more about you than her at this point.

Of course it's about me. I want to show my daughter I will give her anything she wants/deserves. Even if by chance she wants to be sealed in the temple, I would make a point to go the "get married in a ceremony you want and then do the temple sealing a week later" route so ALL your friends and family can participate in the wedding. You wouldn't do the same for your daughters?

[_Sanctorian]

We are American. 3 years ago, my daughter was married in the temple. She had a ring ceremony later the same day that was beautiful. Both her father and I walked her down the aisle. She had her best girlfriends as bridesmaids in a traditional line. Our Ward bishop conducted the ring ceremony, and my daughter and now son-in-law wrote their own vows, which they delivered when they exchanged rings. We also had a DJ, dancing, and plenty of good food.

I don't know why more LDS families don't choose to do what we did, but my daughter was certainly happy with her wedding day, and so were we.

I think it's really more of a Utah thing. The weddings that I have attended out of Utah tend to be more traditional with more of a celebration feel to it. I wonder if members out of Utah realize that most of their family and friends will likely not be LDS and therefore make the wedding more accommodating for that. In Utah, since most your friends and family are likely LDS, whats the point in mixing it up?