As Mormon Jesus and his Mormon corporation continues to capitulate to the ALL POWERFUL, ALL KNOWING, ALL AVAILABLE GOOGLE GOD, its is becoming clear that the Essays are a test of the Faithful Mormons.
The test is how much will you, a believing Mormon accept that the Mormon corporation has lied to you throughout the years and yet still believe in the leadership, the doctrine and the organization and GIVE THEM YOUR HARD EARNED MONEY!
For example
Lie No. 1 - The Book of Mormon was translated by the gift and power of Mormon Jesus through the Urim and Thummin. Any other version is an Anti-Mormon lie! Just look at your lesson manual for the truth.
Essay - Well even though the Book of Mormon came with a Reformed Egyptian to 17th Century King's English dictionary, Horny Holy Joe was perfectly capable of translating the text using a "Magic" stone in a hat, that he stole from another mystic. So even though we lied about the translation process, our faith promoting version is perfectly acceptable and much much truer that the "Anti-Mormon" versions.
Lie No. 2 - Horny Holy Joe didn't actually marry anyone and bang them (have sexual relationship) in a polygamous relationship, since all the marriages were just "celestial" marriages. Any other version of Horny Holy Joe banging other men's wives and little girls is an Anti-Mormon lie! Just look at your lesson manual for the truth.
Essay - Well yeah Horny Holy Joe was banging other men's wives and little girls but Hey have you seen un-doctored representations of Emma? Who wouldn't use their power of influence to convince other men's wives and little girls to let them bang them. Besides, what's the harm in banging little girls? Someone has to teach them RIGHT! So Horny Holy Joe was just spreading the teaching of Mormon Jesus while the little girls were spreading their legs. Any other version which depicts Horny Holy Joe as some kind of pervert and pedophile is an Anti-Mormon lie!
Time to separate the Chafe from the Wheat.
Mormon Jesus is Testing the Faithful in the Latter Days
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_Mormonicious
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 1523
- Joined: Mon Jul 14, 2014 3:59 am
Mormon Jesus is Testing the Faithful in the Latter Days
Revelation 2:17 . . give him a white stone, and in the stone a new name written, which no man knoweth saving he that receiveth it. Thank Google GOD for her son eBay, you can now have life eternal with laser engraving. . oh, and a seer stone and save 10% of your life's earning as a bonus. See you in Mormon man god Heaven Bitches!!. Bring on the Virgins
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_sock puppet
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 17063
- Joined: Fri Jul 23, 2010 2:52 pm
Re: Mormon Jesus is Testing the Faithful in the Latter Days
Mormonicious wrote:As Mormon Jesus and his Mormon corporation continues to capitulate to the ALL POWERFUL, ALL KNOWING, ALL AVAILABLE GOOGLE GOD, its is becoming clear that the Essays are a test of the Faithful Mormons.
The test is how much will you, a believing Mormon accept that the Mormon corporation has lied to you throughout the years and yet still believe in the leadership, the doctrine and the organization and GIVE THEM YOUR HARD EARNED MONEY!
For example
Lie No. 1 - The Book of Mormon was translated by the gift and power of Mormon Jesus through the Urim and Thummin. Any other version is an Anti-Mormon lie! Just look at your lesson manual for the truth.
Essay - Well even though the Book of Mormon came with a Reformed Egyptian to 17th Century King's English dictionary, Horny Holy Joe was perfectly capable of translating the text using a "Magic" stone in a hat, that he stole from another mystic. So even though we lied about the translation process, our faith promoting version is perfectly acceptable and much much truer that the "Anti-Mormon" versions.
Lie No. 2 - Horny Holy Joe didn't actually marry anyone and bang them (have sexual relationship) in a polygamous relationship, since all the marriages were just "celestial" marriages. Any other version of Horny Holy Joe banging other men's wives and little girls is an Anti-Mormon lie! Just look at your lesson manual for the truth.
Essay - Well yeah Horny Holy Joe was banging other men's wives and little girls but Hey have you seen un-doctored representations of Emma? Who wouldn't use their power of influence to convince other men's wives and little girls to let them bang them. Besides, what's the harm in banging little girls? Someone has to teach them RIGHT! So Horny Holy Joe was just spreading the teaching of Mormon Jesus while the little girls were spreading their legs. Any other version which depicts Horny Holy Joe as some kind of pervert and pedophile is an Anti-Mormon lie!
Time to separate the Chafe from the Wheat.
Time keeps on slippin', slippin', into the future.