Health Research at Cassius

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_zeezrom
_Emeritus
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Re: Health Research at Cassius

Post by _zeezrom »

Prolonged addiction to sugar will cause you to lose companionship with the Holy Ghost. This fact adds weighty significance to this research program. I beg and implore you to consider applying for this work. At a minimum, please contribute in some small way to help our fellow apologists that struggle.

And if any of you struggle with sugar, please stop. Talk to your bishop. Sing a hymn. Eat carrots instead. Be wise. Be clean. Be good.

Yours with love and concern,

Zee
Oh for shame, how the mortals put the blame on us gods, for they say evils come from us, but it is they, rather, who by their own recklessness win sorrow beyond what is given... Zeus (1178 BC)

The Holy Sacrament.
_Kishkumen
_Emeritus
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Re: Health Research at Cassius

Post by _Kishkumen »

DrW wrote:As a small contribution to this laudable community effort, I would just add that the Mopologetically defended prohibition against consumption of anti-oxidant rich drinks such as coffee and tea, both of which are proven to ameliorate oxidative stress (including that resulting from over consumption of soluble sugars), simply serves to increase the health risks associated with SSA.


Yes, some of our historians are engaging in cross-disciplinary research to trace the emergence of self-destructive Mopologetic behaviors. Did the writings of John A. Widstoe increase the output of Mopologetics? Was Heber J. Grant's self-loathing over his love of beer something that contributed to the development of more harmful Mopologetics? There are many pressing questions. A thorough, multi-pronged approach to these issues is what is called for. There is an urgent need to relieve the suffering of chronic Mopologetics in the LDS Church.
"Petition wasn’t meant to start a witch hunt as I’ve said 6000 times." ~ Hanna Seariac, LDS apologist
_Kishkumen
_Emeritus
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Re: Health Research at Cassius

Post by _Kishkumen »

zeezrom wrote:And if any of you struggle with sugar, please stop. Talk to your bishop. Sing a hymn. Eat carrots instead. Be wise. Be clean. Be good.

Yours with love and concern,


Zee, I am truly touched by this outpouring of compassion for the suffering Mopologists of the LDS Church. Imagine suffering under the delusion that you are on a mission from God while you stuff your face with sweets, thus losing the companionship of the Holy Spirit, and growing increasingly paranoid, obsessive, and enraged at the inevitable disappointments that result. Oh the humanity!

May your call for abstinence from sugar be heard and followed.

I would suggest that we write a letter to the Mopologists of the Church to help them break this destructive cycle of behaviors and cravings. It might be wise for them to:

1. Let their spouses do all the shopping.
2. Tie their hands and feet to the bed to avoid night snacking.
3. Terminate friendships with people who engage in sugar consumption and Mopologetics.
4. Set a goal and mark a personal calendar whenever there is a lapse in self-control.
5. Attend meetings with the ward or stake addiction group.
6. Avoid driving by convenience stores, grocery stores, and fast food restaurants as they drive to and from work and church.

The list could go on and on. Until our research is complete, these Mopologists need all of the help they can get. I know this is throwing anything at the wall to see if something will stick, but there is a crisis!
Last edited by Guest on Tue Jun 02, 2015 8:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Petition wasn’t meant to start a witch hunt as I’ve said 6000 times." ~ Hanna Seariac, LDS apologist
_DrW
_Emeritus
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Re: Health Research at Cassius

Post by _DrW »

Reverend,

Your timely call to come to the aid of Mopologists suffering from SSA has prompted a bit of background study, which study seemed to confirm that your concern is well founded. Consider:
Main Street Plaza wrote:Mormons make up 27% of the contestants on the The Biggest Loser, a show people can watch to either:
(1) make fun of fat people,
(2) make them feel less fat, or
(3) let them commiserate with fat people!

The Mormon Times is highlighting the fact that 6 of the 22 current contestants on the biggest loser are Mormons.

I can understand that Mormons are currently in a “Look at us!” phase, in which any attention is seen as good attention. But attention to the Mormon obesity epidemic?

Mormons are, statistically, fatter than are non-Mormons(14% more likely to be obese, per (Twitchell, Jeremy. 2006).

A Weighty Religious Issue: LDS Heavier. Deseret Morning News, February 14.

Is drawing attention to your obesity problem good attention? It’s like saying, “Join the Mormons; you get your own world, a harem, and to be obese.”

That sounds like greed and gluttony writ large. Hmmm… Maybe this is good marketing.

Suggestion for the marketing department at LDS, Inc. headquarters: your next round of “…and I’m a Mormon” ads should be with these contestants. “I’m _______; I’m fat, and I’m a Mormon.”


http://mainstreetplaza.com/2011/02/22/mormons-proud-about/

Image

Nothing to add - except that it's sad.
David Hume: "---Mistakes in philosophy are merely ridiculous, those in religion are dangerous."

DrW: "Mistakes in science are learning opportunities and are eventually corrected."
_I have a question
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Re: Health Research at Cassius

Post by _I have a question »

Myself and Ceeboo are working on a dissertation proposal about the role of the testimony glove in combatting testicular stimulation. Who wants to give us a hand? And will the the faculty grant us some seed funding?
“When we are confronted with evidence that challenges our deeply held beliefs we are more likely to reframe the evidence than we are to alter our beliefs. We simply invent new reasons, new justifications, new explanations. Sometimes we ignore the evidence altogether.” (Mathew Syed 'Black Box Thinking')
_RockSlider
_Emeritus
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Re: Health Research at Cassius

Post by _RockSlider »

I've heard there is help available from within. The new MI crew have offered up free Assisted Sugar Subjugation consulting for those truly in need.
_Kishkumen
_Emeritus
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Re: Health Research at Cassius

Post by _Kishkumen »

DrW wrote:Reverend,
Your timely call to come to the aid of Mopologists suffering from SSA has prompted a bit of background study, which study seemed to confirm that your concern is well founded.


Yes, we used to joke about the "second endowment" many priesthood holders acquired in the mission field, college, and in the early years of marriage. At present, however, we are targeting sugar in particular rather than obesity, since it has been noted that some of the most troubled Mopologists are not overweight. So, in order to go about this systematically and scientifically, we are looking at the connection between sugar consumption and Mopologetic behaviors, not weight and Mopologetic behaviors. I really think we are on to something here. If the LDS Church were to call upon its members to eat more healthily with the kind of insistence that characterized the pressure to support Prop 8, we might see the elimination of chronic Mopologetics within the next five years.
"Petition wasn’t meant to start a witch hunt as I’ve said 6000 times." ~ Hanna Seariac, LDS apologist
_DrW
_Emeritus
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Re: Health Research at Cassius

Post by _DrW »

Kishkumen wrote:
DrW wrote:Reverend,
Your timely call to come to the aid of Mopologists suffering from SSA has prompted a bit of background study, which study seemed to confirm that your concern is well founded.


Yes, we used to joke about the "second endowment" many priesthood holders acquired in the mission field, college, and in the early years of marriage. At present, however, we are targeting sugar in particular rather than obesity, since it has been noted that some of the most troubled Mopologists are not overweight. So, in order to go about this systematically and scientifically, we are looking at the connection between sugar consumption and Mopologetic behaviors, not weight and Mopologetic behaviors. I really think we are on to something here. If the LDS Church were to call upon its members to eat more healthily with the kind of insistence that characterized the pressure to support Prop 8, we might see the elimination of chronic Mopologetics within the next five years.

Okay. Got it. Back to the drawing board.

(Perhaps I could lend a hand to Testimony Glove Group. Seems like a potentially fruitful field of research, especially with IHAQ as the Study Director and CeeBoo as the PI.)
David Hume: "---Mistakes in philosophy are merely ridiculous, those in religion are dangerous."

DrW: "Mistakes in science are learning opportunities and are eventually corrected."
_Kishkumen
_Emeritus
Posts: 21373
Joined: Sat Dec 13, 2008 10:00 pm

Re: Health Research at Cassius

Post by _Kishkumen »

DrW wrote:(Perhaps I could lend a hand to Testimony Glove Group. Seems like a potentially fruitful field of research, especially with IHAQ as the Study Director and CeeBoo as the PI.)


I am sure they could always use a helping hand!
"Petition wasn’t meant to start a witch hunt as I’ve said 6000 times." ~ Hanna Seariac, LDS apologist
_Jersey Girl
_Emeritus
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Re: Health Research at Cassius

Post by _Jersey Girl »

You know, the more I think about it, I swear, there's potential to develop the Costco Total Body Workout. If only I were in creative frenzy mode, I know I could come up with it.

Where's Pastor Ceeboo? He's funnier on a regular basis than I'll ever be.
:biggrin:
Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.
Chinese Proverb
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