Regrets over resigning?
Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2015 9:15 pm
By my count, about two dozen long-time friends of mine have resigned from the church in the last week or so. Most of them had been inactive for some time, but there were a few who surprised me. An American couple who lived in Bolivia when I was a missionary and took care of us when we were sick or needed something; they have a gay son, and they had until now believed that the church could be a loving, welcoming place for their son. A friend who had gone back to church a couple of years ago, believing he could find a spiritual home in the church and help to make the church more inclusive. A friend from my college days who had not seemed like he was on the fence at all. And a few others I could note.
Then I got an email from one of my friends from childhood. His father had been our bishop for years and, as stake president, had set me apart as a missionary. He had stopped believing in the church years ago, but he had stayed on the records because his mother told him she couldn't bear it if he resigned. She passed away a year or so ago, but he had kept his promise until now.
Since then, I've seen people online speculating that those who resigned because of the anti-gay, anti-children policy might feel regret for having acted hastily; after all, the church is only hurting some children and dividing some families, not as many as it had originally appeared.
I asked my friend about this, and he laughed, saying he was just happy to be done with it. No regrets, no sadness. If anything, he said he felt a little relieved, as he had long felt his church membership was hypocritical.
I used to think I would feel sad if I resigned from the church--not because I would feel sad at the loss of salvation or whatever, but because it would close the door on the more innocent me of my youth, the kid who believed the church was not only God's true church but was the key to happiness.
But I realized, talking to my friend, that I've already grieved for my loss of belief. It was a loss, and I grieved over it for a long time. I've gotten past the anger, the hurt, the feelings of betrayal. Since the "policy" came out, I have felt genuine disgust for the church, as is appropriate to feel about any organization that deliberately uses children as tools (weapons, really) to divide families and hurt people.
But I don't feel regret. I do feel sorry for people who feel obligated to defend cruel policies, but mostly I feel sad for the families already divided and hurt by the church. And I feel a little stupid for not realizing until now that the church was capable of deliberately hurting people, even targeting children, to further its aims.
ETA: I haven't resigned. I promised my wife I wouldn't resign unless she was ready to resign with me. That's not going to happen anytime soon.
Then I got an email from one of my friends from childhood. His father had been our bishop for years and, as stake president, had set me apart as a missionary. He had stopped believing in the church years ago, but he had stayed on the records because his mother told him she couldn't bear it if he resigned. She passed away a year or so ago, but he had kept his promise until now.
Since then, I've seen people online speculating that those who resigned because of the anti-gay, anti-children policy might feel regret for having acted hastily; after all, the church is only hurting some children and dividing some families, not as many as it had originally appeared.
I asked my friend about this, and he laughed, saying he was just happy to be done with it. No regrets, no sadness. If anything, he said he felt a little relieved, as he had long felt his church membership was hypocritical.
I used to think I would feel sad if I resigned from the church--not because I would feel sad at the loss of salvation or whatever, but because it would close the door on the more innocent me of my youth, the kid who believed the church was not only God's true church but was the key to happiness.
But I realized, talking to my friend, that I've already grieved for my loss of belief. It was a loss, and I grieved over it for a long time. I've gotten past the anger, the hurt, the feelings of betrayal. Since the "policy" came out, I have felt genuine disgust for the church, as is appropriate to feel about any organization that deliberately uses children as tools (weapons, really) to divide families and hurt people.
But I don't feel regret. I do feel sorry for people who feel obligated to defend cruel policies, but mostly I feel sad for the families already divided and hurt by the church. And I feel a little stupid for not realizing until now that the church was capable of deliberately hurting people, even targeting children, to further its aims.
ETA: I haven't resigned. I promised my wife I wouldn't resign unless she was ready to resign with me. That's not going to happen anytime soon.