Conversion therapy for lesbian teen in Utah

[_MetalSlasher]

http://janariess.religionnews.com/2016/ ... ving-alex/

Alex Cooper was fifteen years old when she came out to her parents as gay. Up to that point, much about her California childhood was typical. The youngest of six children in a staunch Mormon family, she had gotten into some trouble with her parents, but until she identified herself as a lesbian, they allowed her to continue living at home. Not after that. “They flipped out,” she says now, six years and many tears later. “I mean, I expected them to flip out, but my dad couldn’t look at me, and my mom couldn’t even talk to me. I just felt I was such a huge disappointment. They cried a lot.” Then they kicked her out of the house with no money and no plan. That was, as she explains in her new memoir Saving Alex, releasing tomorrow from HarperOne, when her real nightmare began. Alex’s parents stayed in contact through another family in the ward, and communicated that they were going to pick her up and take her to visit her grandparents in St. George, Utah, for a while until things calmed down. Fair enough, she thought. She went along with this and was surprised to find that when they arrived in St. George, they pulled up at another house entirely and her parents announced that this was where Alex was going to be staying.

“They were total strangers,” Alex says. “My parents just signed over custody to them in front of me. And I knew that my parents had never met these people before.” This was to be “conversion therapy,” an ad hoc program intended to turn Alex into a heterosexual through shame and punishment. She had to surrender her phone and was forbidden to have contact with her family or anyone in the outside world. At first she thought she was going to be able to run away with little difficulty, but to no avail. Instead, she was subjected to routine punishments like “the wall,” where she was forced to stand at attention for hours in full view of the other members of the household “so that I could concentrate and focus on what I was doing wrong and what I needed to do to fix it.” While she stood there, her captors would hurl insults at her like “dyke” and tell her she would never fit into the Plan of Salvation as a gay person. “They had this weird idea of the Plan of Salvation, which wasn’t what I learned growing up,” says Alex. (And which is not accepted Mormon belief.) “They said that if I didn’t get into the Celestial Kingdom with my family that a copy of me would be made so my parents wouldn’t have to suffer. My parents would just have a copy of me. I would be forgotten.” Feeling despair and having no way out, Alex did the only thing she could think of: on her sixteenth birthday, as a present to herself, she attempted suicide. “I thought if I didn’t die, they would have to take me to the hospital,” she explains. “But they didn’t.” In fact, the Sialeses didn’t even tell Alex’s parents about the suicide attempt until much later. They did take her to see the local Mormon bishop, who did not call the authorities. “He told me that he knew that they had a certain way of disciplining their kids, and it seemed to work.”

Alex was held against her will for ten months. Today, she is telling her story in the hopes that other people will understand that conversion therapy is incredibly damaging. “I want parents to read this, hopefully parents of LGBTQ youth, to understand that conversion therapy is not a helpful thing,” she says. As for her own parents, they have had a 180-degree turnaround. “My parents are awesome right now,” she says. “They have apologized, and feel really guilty about it. They are super-supportive. They just want to help. I live with my girlfriend and we Facetime my parents probably twice a week.” Now she lives in Portland and works at nonprofit where a lot of LGBT kids in crisis seek help. “Luckily the resources in Portland for LGBT kids are a lot better than the resources in St. George, Utah. Some of these kids are able to find a place where they can be accepted and find jobs and housing.” As for religion, Alex is taking a break right now. “I’ve completely removed myself from contact with the Mormon Church,” she says. “I had a lot of hope that the Church was progressing, but with [the LGBT policy change in November], I just want nothing to do with the Church. I know how unsafe it is for LGBTQ youth in Mormonism, but especially now since November. It’s not going to get any better, which is terrifying.” These sentiments are echoed by her co-author and friend, Joanna Brooks, who helped Alex to write and publish her story. “I think it’s important to be clear that as a community, we are not making it better for LGBTQ youth who are LDS,” says Brooks. “There are very real costs to not making it better. And no Mormon youth is disposable. That’s not what the Plan of Salvation is about. No one should be subjected to what Alex was subjected to because they don’t fit our mold.” “So it’s time for a difficult conversation within Mormonism, and it’s nerve-racking and brave for Alex to be willing to offer her story. I’ve told her, too, that as she tells her story she’s going to meet so many people along the way who will stand with her and will learn from her and benefit from her courage.”

[_I have a question]

Dear Elders Oaks, Christofferson, Bednar et al,

You did this.

[_just me]

It gets better....but only if you leave the LDS church.

[_MetalSlasher]

I think her book comes out today.

[_Maksutov]

Dear Elders Oaks, Christofferson, Bednar et al,

You did this.

Dehumanizing, even demonizing their own children for the glory of the Corporation.

Mormon family values...of the leadership. Will the "good" Mormons take exception? Add to the Crucible of Doubt the Crucible of Conscience. Let's see if every Zion mother and father is willing to play Abraham and slaughter their child for fanaticism. Or allow the torture and murder of their child as Elohim did Jesus. Let's see if believers can rise above the barbarism of their ancestors, divine or human, real or imagined, and not torment and throw away innocent people.

[_bubbachen]

Dear Elders Oaks, Christofferson, Bednar et al,

You did this.

I don't think so. The entire human race did this, has been doing this for tens of thousands of years, and will continue to bear responsibility for f***ing each other up and over forever. Yea, these figureheads can't see beyond their own framework of reality, but why should they be expected to behave in any other way than they were programmed from their DNA and environment? And the people directly responsible for this inhumane treatment of another person, how did the capacity to commit that flavor of "evil" develop? It's deeply seeded inside of me, and you. We're all on the hook my friend.

[_Chap]

My parents just signed over custody to them in front of me. And I knew that my parents had never met these people before.” This was to be “conversion therapy,” an ad hoc program intended to turn Alex into a heterosexual through shame and punishment. She had to surrender her phone and was forbidden to have contact with her family or anyone in the outside world. At first she thought she was going to be able to run away with little difficulty, but to no avail.

Once again, I am dazed by the fact that US law apparently gives parents the right to, in effect, commit their children to a term of custody in the hands of anybody they choose, for an unlimited term - though presumably the custody cannot continue after the child reaches legal majority. The last time we discussed this matter was when the question of 'boot camps' for the recalcitrant children of Mormon parents was discussed.

I simply can't understand how this can take place purely on the parents' say-so, without any form of state validation or approval - it as if the children have no rights, and the parents have all the power. Do people in general think this is right and proper? In other parts of the developed world, this sounds like the kind of thing one might have expect to find a couple of centuries back.

[_Res Ipsa]

My parents just signed over custody to them in front of me. And I knew that my parents had never met these people before.” This was to be “conversion therapy,” an ad hoc program intended to turn Alex into a heterosexual through shame and punishment. She had to surrender her phone and was forbidden to have contact with her family or anyone in the outside world. At first she thought she was going to be able to run away with little difficulty, but to no avail.

Once again, I am dazed by the fact that US law apparently gives parents the right to, in effect, commit their children to a term of custody in the hands of anybody they choose, for an unlimited term - though presumably the custody cannot continue after the child reaches legal majority. The last time we discussed this matter was when the question of 'boot camps' for the recalcitrant children of Mormon parents was discussed.

I simply can't understand how this can take place purely on the parents' say-so, without any form of state validation or approval - it as if the children have no rights, and the parents have all the power. Do people in general think this is right and proper? In other parts of the developed world, this sounds like the kind of thing one might have expect to find a couple of centuries back.

I'm not quite sure how this works, Chap. I'm guessing the parents sign an agreement that gives the facility their consent to act in their place (in loco parentis) with respect to their child for a certain period of time. While permanently transferring parental rights requires approval of a judge, I don't think this kind of consent does. Just as an example, my wife's parents are taking one of my sons on a trip this summer. I anticipate signing a similar document that would give them the ability to make medical decisions, sign waivers for activities, etc. in my place. Would it be different in the U.K.?

Personally, I can't imagine giving that kind of consent to strangers.

[_Maksutov]

Dear Elders Oaks, Christofferson, Bednar et al,

You did this.

I don't think so. The entire human race did this, has been doing this for tens of thousands of years, and will continue to bear responsibility for f***ing each other up and over forever. Yea, these figureheads can't see beyond their own framework of reality, but why should they be expected to behave in any other way than they were programmed from their DNA and environment? And the people directly responsible for this inhumane treatment of another person, how did the capacity to commit that flavor of "evil" develop? It's deeply seeded inside of me, and you. We're all on the hook my friend.

There's some truth here. It took more than some dudes at the top, it took a whole lot of followers for this nonsense to get this kind of power. Just like with so many disasters, secular and religious, folks like Jim Jones or Adolf Hitler managed to have lots of tools and helpers ready to do whatever dirt they asked.

[_Chap]

my wife's parents are taking one of my sons on a trip this summer. I anticipate signing a similar document that would give them the ability to make medical decisions, sign waivers for activities, etc. in my place.

That is quite different from what seems to be taking place in the case described in the OP, where the effect of the custody given was to imprison the child in private premises and to subject her to the power of a quite unqualified person to coerce and humiliate her.

In the 'boot camp' examples we have discussed on previous occasions, the children were subjected to a degree of imprisonment and coercion that was worse - because not subject to legal process and oversight - than what the children might have been sentenced to by a court after being found guilty of a serious offense.