Religion and Happiness
Posted: Wed Aug 09, 2017 2:12 pm
Personal Narrative of Leaving Mormonism
So, it was a huge relief to me when I quit going to church. I bristled at listening to all of the pro-Republican testimonies, the biblical literalism, and the "pay, pray, and obey" messages. And, yes, that stuff was present on a pretty regular basis. That said, there were other things about it that I missed. This was, after all, the community I grew up in. It was familiar. I had plenty of good memories from my time as an active LDS person.
What happened? Over time I learned more. I learned about LDS history. Increasingly, things were not making sense. Moreover, I chafed against what I saw as an intrusive LDS priesthood and an increasingly sanitized, dull, and lifeless religious community.
So, when my wife handed me her temple recommend, I was frankly just relieved. I wasn't enjoying going, but I wasn't going to drag her out against her will. When she decided to read all of the books I had long recommended, and, as a result of reading them, discovered how untenable Mormon beliefs were, she, being much more decisive than I am, was fed up and called it quits.
Religion and Happiness for Ex-Mormons, Mormons, and Everyone Else
So, are ex-Mormons who have made their decision to leave the church honestly happier to be out? I believe they are. So, when we read or hear about members arguing that religion makes people happier, that people would be happier staying LDS, it sounds offensive. It does not mesh with our experience, and it sounds like more of the same old denigration of apostates.
But, I think, if we step away from the personal aspect of this and look at things more objectively, we have to admit that the argument that religion, generally speaking, could make people happier is not a ridiculous argument. So, when we hear Mormon scholars and apologists make such arguments, we can react more realistically to what is being argued.
There is a good deal of science backing up the position that religiosity and participation in religious communities is healthy for human beings. We may not resonate with that in our personal experience, because many of us spent so much time being miserable in these communities and we have a difficult time accepting that, on the whole, the majority of people might be better off as active church goers/practitioners/vel sim.
Mind you, I am not saying this stuff is proven. We are really in a kind of scientific infancy stage when it comes to understanding religion and its impact on individuals and communities. But, if we want to be honest about where the science is, and not simply react as though we are personally affronted when LDS apologists say, "See, you should stay Mormon, the science shows this is a beneficial lifestyle," we need to acknowledge that there is an argument to be made for what they are saying. Don't be irrational in the face of an argument that hurts your feelings.
In my household, we say to our kids that we are a "reality based family." That's because we have chosen to go with the evidence. On the whole, this works for us, because we can manage a variety of issues regarding science, the world, honesty, politics, all in one fell swoop. But this is something people have to work at, and it is not necessarily always the thing that will make people feel sunny.
I am not a cognitive scientist, but it is my understanding that reason is, for most people, an acquired skill. And, it is also my understanding that people who have a better grasp on reality are often not the people who are most hopeful and optimistic. Realism and depression go hand in hand. On the other hand, unrealistic optimism can help people forge ahead and take risks they might not otherwise, knowing the real odds, undertake.
On the level of society, it helps large groups stick together if members of those groups share a set of beliefs. Identity and group integrity are policed according to adherence to these somewhat arbitrary beliefs. Those who confidently assert their conviction in these things tend to be rewarded by the group for doing so. Success follows unrealistic adherence to bogus ideas. It simply does.
What does this mean for those of us who do not want to live by views we find false and counterproductive? What does this mean for those of us who want to lead "fact-based lives." Well, we are fighting an uphill battle, and it may very well be that we will lose. We could very well be facing our own mass extinction and the rendering of this planet uninhabitable. I don't know this for an absolute fact, but in my view things do not look good.
This makes it doubly infuriating to watch people spout nonsense and get rewarded handsomely for doing so. I feel this way all the time. But, here's the thing, if we are honest with ourselves about the human organism and the way of various species that pass a certain threshold of success in their environment, we need to at least contemplate the possibility that things are going exactly as we should expect them to. It may be that the majority of human beings, acting on their natures, will smile as they walk us collectively off a cliff. And there won't be a damned thing we can do about it.
A person of faith reading this will likely say, "Wow, what a dark view you have; I wouldn't want your perspective for anything." And, I can smile at them and say, "No doubt!" Maybe reality is not sunny. Or maybe being fact-based does not necessarily mean I will be optimistic, hopeful, and full of good cheer. If a learned religious person wants to argue that people are happier being religious, that may well be true. I don't know. I don't need to be angry that it may be true. I have no reason to be sour about the fact that being reality based is not conducive to my success and happiness as a member of my own species.
Then again, perhaps, in the larger scheme of things, people who are not sunny and decide to jettison nonsense in their lives have a role to play in the species too. Perhaps we should expect not to be in the majority, and to be ridiculed by people who believe in fairies, magic, and unicorns, ironic as that is. Maybe those who believe in fairies, magic, and unicorns are, on the whole, happier people. But, does that mean that we should abandon who we are to seek their happiness? I don't think it does.
The Latest DCP Gaffe
As I wrap this up, I want to add a note about the recent uproar about DCP's comments. I think it is safe to say that I have habitually objected to the way DCP says things as much as the things he says. Let's face it, the guy is tone deaf as the day is long. And, he really doesn't get it. However many times people call him out on his insensitivity regarding this or that, he is not going to repent and clean up his act. So, it is probably not worth getting too worked up about his latest misstep. It is par for the course.
It may also be the case that we are so accustomed to policing DCP's tone and finding his rhetoric objectionable that we are overly sensitized to his perceived insensitivity. We may be looking to be offended by DCP. And, the depth of our emotional reaction may be influenced more by past offenses than by the severity of the actual misstep.
And I would like to add something else. Mormon truth sharing is primarily anecdotal. People get up in testimony meeting and say why this or that thing that happened to them or their neighbor strengthens their belief in the Gospel. "I lost my keys, prayed, and the spirit led me to them." "My neighbor could not give up smoking and unfortunately got cancer; I am thankful God gave us the Word of Wisdom, etc." My guess is that DCP is following this practice. I am not saying this was the wisest way to go, or that I agree with his way of making this point. But I do think it is at least understandable how an LDS fellow whom we agree is pretty tone deaf about the sensitivities of others could use such an anecdote as support for his position on the value of religion at an LDS gathering.
The TL;DR:
1) It may be true that, on the whole, religion makes people happier, but you may not be among that statistical majority who would be happier, and there is nothing wrong with that.
2) DCP, being tone deaf and LDS, used a personal anecdote to make his point. Many of us find his choice of anecdote to be in poor taste. Nevertheless, perhaps we can agree that this situation has a lot to do with the way LDS people communicate their cherished truths in an LDS gathering.
So, it was a huge relief to me when I quit going to church. I bristled at listening to all of the pro-Republican testimonies, the biblical literalism, and the "pay, pray, and obey" messages. And, yes, that stuff was present on a pretty regular basis. That said, there were other things about it that I missed. This was, after all, the community I grew up in. It was familiar. I had plenty of good memories from my time as an active LDS person.
What happened? Over time I learned more. I learned about LDS history. Increasingly, things were not making sense. Moreover, I chafed against what I saw as an intrusive LDS priesthood and an increasingly sanitized, dull, and lifeless religious community.
So, when my wife handed me her temple recommend, I was frankly just relieved. I wasn't enjoying going, but I wasn't going to drag her out against her will. When she decided to read all of the books I had long recommended, and, as a result of reading them, discovered how untenable Mormon beliefs were, she, being much more decisive than I am, was fed up and called it quits.
Religion and Happiness for Ex-Mormons, Mormons, and Everyone Else
So, are ex-Mormons who have made their decision to leave the church honestly happier to be out? I believe they are. So, when we read or hear about members arguing that religion makes people happier, that people would be happier staying LDS, it sounds offensive. It does not mesh with our experience, and it sounds like more of the same old denigration of apostates.
But, I think, if we step away from the personal aspect of this and look at things more objectively, we have to admit that the argument that religion, generally speaking, could make people happier is not a ridiculous argument. So, when we hear Mormon scholars and apologists make such arguments, we can react more realistically to what is being argued.
There is a good deal of science backing up the position that religiosity and participation in religious communities is healthy for human beings. We may not resonate with that in our personal experience, because many of us spent so much time being miserable in these communities and we have a difficult time accepting that, on the whole, the majority of people might be better off as active church goers/practitioners/vel sim.
Mind you, I am not saying this stuff is proven. We are really in a kind of scientific infancy stage when it comes to understanding religion and its impact on individuals and communities. But, if we want to be honest about where the science is, and not simply react as though we are personally affronted when LDS apologists say, "See, you should stay Mormon, the science shows this is a beneficial lifestyle," we need to acknowledge that there is an argument to be made for what they are saying. Don't be irrational in the face of an argument that hurts your feelings.
In my household, we say to our kids that we are a "reality based family." That's because we have chosen to go with the evidence. On the whole, this works for us, because we can manage a variety of issues regarding science, the world, honesty, politics, all in one fell swoop. But this is something people have to work at, and it is not necessarily always the thing that will make people feel sunny.
I am not a cognitive scientist, but it is my understanding that reason is, for most people, an acquired skill. And, it is also my understanding that people who have a better grasp on reality are often not the people who are most hopeful and optimistic. Realism and depression go hand in hand. On the other hand, unrealistic optimism can help people forge ahead and take risks they might not otherwise, knowing the real odds, undertake.
On the level of society, it helps large groups stick together if members of those groups share a set of beliefs. Identity and group integrity are policed according to adherence to these somewhat arbitrary beliefs. Those who confidently assert their conviction in these things tend to be rewarded by the group for doing so. Success follows unrealistic adherence to bogus ideas. It simply does.
What does this mean for those of us who do not want to live by views we find false and counterproductive? What does this mean for those of us who want to lead "fact-based lives." Well, we are fighting an uphill battle, and it may very well be that we will lose. We could very well be facing our own mass extinction and the rendering of this planet uninhabitable. I don't know this for an absolute fact, but in my view things do not look good.
This makes it doubly infuriating to watch people spout nonsense and get rewarded handsomely for doing so. I feel this way all the time. But, here's the thing, if we are honest with ourselves about the human organism and the way of various species that pass a certain threshold of success in their environment, we need to at least contemplate the possibility that things are going exactly as we should expect them to. It may be that the majority of human beings, acting on their natures, will smile as they walk us collectively off a cliff. And there won't be a damned thing we can do about it.
A person of faith reading this will likely say, "Wow, what a dark view you have; I wouldn't want your perspective for anything." And, I can smile at them and say, "No doubt!" Maybe reality is not sunny. Or maybe being fact-based does not necessarily mean I will be optimistic, hopeful, and full of good cheer. If a learned religious person wants to argue that people are happier being religious, that may well be true. I don't know. I don't need to be angry that it may be true. I have no reason to be sour about the fact that being reality based is not conducive to my success and happiness as a member of my own species.
Then again, perhaps, in the larger scheme of things, people who are not sunny and decide to jettison nonsense in their lives have a role to play in the species too. Perhaps we should expect not to be in the majority, and to be ridiculed by people who believe in fairies, magic, and unicorns, ironic as that is. Maybe those who believe in fairies, magic, and unicorns are, on the whole, happier people. But, does that mean that we should abandon who we are to seek their happiness? I don't think it does.
The Latest DCP Gaffe
As I wrap this up, I want to add a note about the recent uproar about DCP's comments. I think it is safe to say that I have habitually objected to the way DCP says things as much as the things he says. Let's face it, the guy is tone deaf as the day is long. And, he really doesn't get it. However many times people call him out on his insensitivity regarding this or that, he is not going to repent and clean up his act. So, it is probably not worth getting too worked up about his latest misstep. It is par for the course.
It may also be the case that we are so accustomed to policing DCP's tone and finding his rhetoric objectionable that we are overly sensitized to his perceived insensitivity. We may be looking to be offended by DCP. And, the depth of our emotional reaction may be influenced more by past offenses than by the severity of the actual misstep.
And I would like to add something else. Mormon truth sharing is primarily anecdotal. People get up in testimony meeting and say why this or that thing that happened to them or their neighbor strengthens their belief in the Gospel. "I lost my keys, prayed, and the spirit led me to them." "My neighbor could not give up smoking and unfortunately got cancer; I am thankful God gave us the Word of Wisdom, etc." My guess is that DCP is following this practice. I am not saying this was the wisest way to go, or that I agree with his way of making this point. But I do think it is at least understandable how an LDS fellow whom we agree is pretty tone deaf about the sensitivities of others could use such an anecdote as support for his position on the value of religion at an LDS gathering.
The TL;DR:
1) It may be true that, on the whole, religion makes people happier, but you may not be among that statistical majority who would be happier, and there is nothing wrong with that.
2) DCP, being tone deaf and LDS, used a personal anecdote to make his point. Many of us find his choice of anecdote to be in poor taste. Nevertheless, perhaps we can agree that this situation has a lot to do with the way LDS people communicate their cherished truths in an LDS gathering.