DiscussMormonism.com

I never should have been required to report to each board member individually after this took place. I reported to the board president. This is what John and the board president did without informing others. I then reported to every member of the board. It's not my job to make any more reports directly to the Open Stories Foundation.

The burden is not on me, but the Open Stories Foundation.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B7kaN0 ... sp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B7kaN0 ... sp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B7kaN0 ... sp=sharing

I don't' know why I'm responding, honestly. But...what are you doing? This post means nothing, and your other posts feel unhinged. Look, no doubt you're hurting and need some sort of resolve, but this is just unproductive for everyone. I think I've seen people appeal to you in asking you to seek some professional help. You may need it. I'm no expert, I hardly ever have dealt with anyone who seems so unhinged in my life, so don't take my word for it. Go...find a professional and have a sit down.

Either that or you are a troll trying your best to keep people's attention John-ward. If the latter, well, then I should probably just ignore.

What you're saying is that it's okay for John to terminate me and make very public posts about my lack of credibility, but that it is not okay for me to defend myself. And, that if I do defend myself, that means I need therapy and am unhinged. That's exactly the approach John has been taking for several years.

There are many who will take your approach. I understand that and I disagree. I am not afraid of being called names. It happens.

There are many who take this approach. This is the approach: 1) treat someone badly enough that the do things that might look on the outside, from the perspective of an uninformed observer, as irrational, 2) take advantage of the uninformed observer's naiveté in regards to the situation and agree with the uninformed observer's perception, 3) roll with that perception and publicize it getting many uniformed people to agree with you, 4) go back to the person who is behaving rationally due to the circumstances and say, "See, look, everybody thinks you're irrational so you are." This approach is classic abuse.

That said, I agree that it would have been in my best interests to let this go a long time ago. Unfortunately, there are other circumstances in my life that don't make that the best decision for me at this moment. It also aligns with the current press, so there you have it.

He didn't terminate you because you weren't an employee. Jesus.

- Doc

Rosebud wrote:What you're saying is that it's okay for John to terminate me and make very public posts about my lack of credibility, but that it is not okay for me to defend myself.

No. I'm not saying that.

And, that if I do defend myself, that means I need therapy and am unhinged. That's exactly the approach John has been taking for several years.

No, again. I'm saying your posts here make you come off as unhinged, in my estimation. Indeed, I don't see your posts here as defending yourself at all. I really hate the notion that a woman who was harassed or assaulted, as it seems like you might have been, should be told they are crazy. With that said, I doubt John has mentioned you in any way in years, so I'm not sure what you would be defending against anyway.

[quoteThere are many who will take your approach. I understand that and I disagree. I am not afraid of being called names. It happens.

There are many who take this approach. This is the approach: 1) treat someone badly enough that the do things that might look on the outside, from the perspective of an uninformed observer, as irrational, 2) take advantage of the uninformed observer's naiveté in regards to the situation and agree with the uninformed observer's perception, 3) roll with that perception and publicize it getting many uniformed people to agree with you, 4) go back to the person who is behaving rationally due to the circumstances and say, "See, look, everybody thinks you're irrational so you are." This approach is classic abuse. [/quote]

Well, it's not my attention to abuse you. As I said, this is not my area at all. I mean no offense. I just worry, that if genuine, you have some issues that need to be dealt with, with someone who is most credible and able to deal with these issues. And if John mistreated you in some way or many ways, then, shame on him. And I'm sorry for that which you have gone through.

That said, I agree that it would have been in my best interests to let this go a long time ago. Unfortunately, there are other circumstances in my life that don't make that the best decision for me at this moment. It also aligns with the current press, so there you have it.

i'm sorry to hear it.

First, I want to say that I believe you. But even with that in mind, you need to either make a complaint or move on to the healing phase. As an old woman who has been in the workplace for a VERY long time and who has dated many, many, many men (some of them coworkers!), I think I understand. I've been there with bad workplaces. I've been there with bad romances. I've been there when they intersected. Let me give you a little heartfelt advice:

There is not always a right to a wrong.

It's hard to hear that, but it's reality. Sometimes bad stuff happens to us, others are at fault, and they don't have to pay. This may be one of those cases.

But, even if you "won", the hurt and pain won't just magically disappear. A person who was mugged in a dark alley at gun point doesn't magically start being less afraid of dark alleys because their mugger went to jail. Winning does not bring healing. You have trauma from a past event and only you can heal that pain. For every minute you think of what happened, you're wasting precious time on this earth that could be used for literally anything else. You owe it to yourself to heal. If you think it's best to make one more complaint to the Open Stories Foundation board, do it now. But then let it go.

Thank you Tuna. I can tell that you care. I appreciate it.

I would like you to believe me when I share that the reason it's easier for me to do this right now is that I have healed from John and gone on with my life to the extent that I am able to do that dependent on the amount of control I have over my circumstances. Sometimes there are other circumstances beyond an individual's control that affect decisions. The time I was most unwell was the summer of 2012 when I was coping with John and the ways he was controlling me and preparing his attack that we have now all seen play out. Healing has been a process since then, but I feel so calm about John now that your words don't really resonate with me beyond the fact that I can tell that you care. John is.... idk... I can't really see what people see in him. That's the 2018 me. Whatever. But what he's doing is significant to many people. This is not about John and me.

And, I have said before, there are other circumstances besides my feelings that are incentivizing me right now.

One thing that I think is helpful for everyone to remember is that the response each person has to what I'm doing tells us about the individual having the response more than it says anything about me. That goes for people and life in general.....

Oh... and with that in mind, the point about it not being my job to report again is about calling the Open Stories Foundation to the carpet. Any good HR policy should state a victim only has to report once. The Open Stories Foundation may try to make the excuse that they're not addressing this because I'm not following their link and submitting an official report.

I'm saying, "Duh... you already messed this one up and you already have all the documents in your files. Nice that you have a policy now, but you can't get around your accountability by stating you don't have to look at this because I didn't make an official report. I did. I made more official reports than I should have had to."

I hope that clears up what might have been misconstrued as emotion.

Rosebud wrote:One thing that I think is helpful for everyone to remember is that the response each person has to what I'm doing tells us about the individual having the response more than it says anything about me. That goes for people and life in general.....

- Doc

I can relate to the need to putting things out in the open. The trauma I experienced was not so public, but the abuser is known commonly and there have been several occasions where we've caught him trying to exploit others. It was too late to warn the person to which he knowingly sold defective tires. We were able to warn the insurance company he was trying to defraud. We tried to warn his wife but she didn't believe us. So we're open about him when we deem it appropriate.

I imagine the feeling would be much more compelling, and frequently so, if the offender was a public figure with exponentially more influence.