Increasing Detachment from LDS Church
Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2020 8:40 pm
Greetings, fellow MDBers:
I am glad the board is back up. For a time I needed a break, and it was ironically the fact that the board was broken that rekindled my interest. To an extent. There are certain things regarding which my interest will probably forever remain dormant. Well, forever is a long time, so perhaps I shouldn't go that far. But, I want to write just a few words about this anyway. This is the irony of expending energy on something that one claims to have no interest in--a source of mild entertainment for apologists.
First, let me mention something that I do remain interested in--Mormonism. OK, it's still interesting. There is a lot in it of historical, sociological, and anthropological interest to chew on here. I doubt I will ever leave that interest behind. Oh, and I still feel like I am a Mormon, in that I was raised Mormon and it continues to be an indispensable element of my identity. I am one of those people who does not ever think of leaving behind completely something that has been so important to my origins and development.
But, my interest in the LDS Church is declining precipitously. In the past there was a natural need to argue against the LDS Church to establish my new framework. I had to decide, at some point, that I would not be LDS and then see where my new place would be. That took me a long time. I had to work out where it was that I had been, what I thought of it, where the Church was, where it was going, where I was going . . . so many questions. Sometimes I thought that there might be a future intersection again. My path just might rejoin the LDS path. Certainly it would not be on the same terms as before. Definitely it would have to be for reasons quite different from the original ones. But, could there be, I wondered, a benefit to going back?
The answer is never a flat negative, but there is also a cost-benefit analysis to be done. There are always some benefits to having a community and remaining connected to the culture of one's upbringing in some form. But the costs . . . .
The costs started to pile higher and higher. It is not just a matter of whether I 'believe' in the 'Gospel', but what believing and following within a community configured in this way and heading in this trajectory means for me and others. Time after time, I saw the Church going further away from where I felt I wanted to be. Where I would like to see my family. Where I would hope my relatives, friends, and fellow humans would be. If our religious community ideally speaks to our highest aspirations, what happens to our desire to commune when it consistently does not?
I have come to a place where I do not see the LDS Church inspiring my highest aspirations in the foreseeable future. I am not so arrogant as to think that I get to dictate to any organization that it must, but I still have the choice of not participating in a community that does not inspire me to be my best self. This is a personal decision, and I know that. The LDS Church does not inspire me to be my best self. I am not willing to overlook my perception of its many flaws to feel like there is something to reform (quixotic impulse) or even to cling to in some way.
This is a big spiritual divorce. An alienation of affection. This ain't moving me. It's not even really catching my eye that much. Of course I sympathize with those who are still struggling, and I want each to arrive at their own best outcome. My best outcome is not an LDS outcome. It will always be some flavor of Mormon outcome because I am who I am, but not LDS. I am lucky to have that freedom. I feel for those who are in a place where they are prevented from achieving that level of freedom from the LDS Church. A job, a spouse, a situation may be holding them in. I know it is not easy.
Mormonism was always flawed. Polygamy made the flaws much worse. Brigham Young made it much, much worse. And the LDSism of late twentieth and early twenty-first centuries is the nail in the coffin for me. The Proclamation to the World on the Family is single biggest cause in my mind. It is a fundamentally anti-gay document. It articulates LDS doctrine in a certain way specifically to exclude gay identity from Mormon theology. As such, it is repugnant, disgusting. It does not taste good. It tastes like crap. Important recent developments have flowed from that sewer. The poisonous nature of the views that gave rise to it should be clear in the toll it has had on innocent members everywhere.
What really clinches my conclusions, however, is my realization that a better Mormonism was/is possible. So why go to this LDS one? Even if you really believe in the value of Joseph Smith's ministry, nothing obliges you, in the final analysis, to be LDS. No doubt one can choose to do so, and one may have reasons that make sense for one's self, but I can't see any reason why everyone/anyone should feel persuaded or compelled to be LDS. Not even a spiritual testimony of Joseph Smith's prophethood and the Book of Mormon. Once the links between Joseph Smith and the LDS Church are recognized as being contingent upon certain accidents of history--once one realizes that Brigham Young was not the "only true" option moving forward, then why remain saddled with the baggage of today's LDS Church?
As Lindsay Hansen Park says, "More than one way to Mormon." And I add, "Or not." I continue to Mormon in my own way. I will not be LDSing anymore.
I am glad the board is back up. For a time I needed a break, and it was ironically the fact that the board was broken that rekindled my interest. To an extent. There are certain things regarding which my interest will probably forever remain dormant. Well, forever is a long time, so perhaps I shouldn't go that far. But, I want to write just a few words about this anyway. This is the irony of expending energy on something that one claims to have no interest in--a source of mild entertainment for apologists.
First, let me mention something that I do remain interested in--Mormonism. OK, it's still interesting. There is a lot in it of historical, sociological, and anthropological interest to chew on here. I doubt I will ever leave that interest behind. Oh, and I still feel like I am a Mormon, in that I was raised Mormon and it continues to be an indispensable element of my identity. I am one of those people who does not ever think of leaving behind completely something that has been so important to my origins and development.
But, my interest in the LDS Church is declining precipitously. In the past there was a natural need to argue against the LDS Church to establish my new framework. I had to decide, at some point, that I would not be LDS and then see where my new place would be. That took me a long time. I had to work out where it was that I had been, what I thought of it, where the Church was, where it was going, where I was going . . . so many questions. Sometimes I thought that there might be a future intersection again. My path just might rejoin the LDS path. Certainly it would not be on the same terms as before. Definitely it would have to be for reasons quite different from the original ones. But, could there be, I wondered, a benefit to going back?
The answer is never a flat negative, but there is also a cost-benefit analysis to be done. There are always some benefits to having a community and remaining connected to the culture of one's upbringing in some form. But the costs . . . .
The costs started to pile higher and higher. It is not just a matter of whether I 'believe' in the 'Gospel', but what believing and following within a community configured in this way and heading in this trajectory means for me and others. Time after time, I saw the Church going further away from where I felt I wanted to be. Where I would like to see my family. Where I would hope my relatives, friends, and fellow humans would be. If our religious community ideally speaks to our highest aspirations, what happens to our desire to commune when it consistently does not?
I have come to a place where I do not see the LDS Church inspiring my highest aspirations in the foreseeable future. I am not so arrogant as to think that I get to dictate to any organization that it must, but I still have the choice of not participating in a community that does not inspire me to be my best self. This is a personal decision, and I know that. The LDS Church does not inspire me to be my best self. I am not willing to overlook my perception of its many flaws to feel like there is something to reform (quixotic impulse) or even to cling to in some way.
This is a big spiritual divorce. An alienation of affection. This ain't moving me. It's not even really catching my eye that much. Of course I sympathize with those who are still struggling, and I want each to arrive at their own best outcome. My best outcome is not an LDS outcome. It will always be some flavor of Mormon outcome because I am who I am, but not LDS. I am lucky to have that freedom. I feel for those who are in a place where they are prevented from achieving that level of freedom from the LDS Church. A job, a spouse, a situation may be holding them in. I know it is not easy.
Mormonism was always flawed. Polygamy made the flaws much worse. Brigham Young made it much, much worse. And the LDSism of late twentieth and early twenty-first centuries is the nail in the coffin for me. The Proclamation to the World on the Family is single biggest cause in my mind. It is a fundamentally anti-gay document. It articulates LDS doctrine in a certain way specifically to exclude gay identity from Mormon theology. As such, it is repugnant, disgusting. It does not taste good. It tastes like crap. Important recent developments have flowed from that sewer. The poisonous nature of the views that gave rise to it should be clear in the toll it has had on innocent members everywhere.
What really clinches my conclusions, however, is my realization that a better Mormonism was/is possible. So why go to this LDS one? Even if you really believe in the value of Joseph Smith's ministry, nothing obliges you, in the final analysis, to be LDS. No doubt one can choose to do so, and one may have reasons that make sense for one's self, but I can't see any reason why everyone/anyone should feel persuaded or compelled to be LDS. Not even a spiritual testimony of Joseph Smith's prophethood and the Book of Mormon. Once the links between Joseph Smith and the LDS Church are recognized as being contingent upon certain accidents of history--once one realizes that Brigham Young was not the "only true" option moving forward, then why remain saddled with the baggage of today's LDS Church?
As Lindsay Hansen Park says, "More than one way to Mormon." And I add, "Or not." I continue to Mormon in my own way. I will not be LDSing anymore.