General Conference 2022

[drumdude]

I think this conference is going to be different. Even faithful Mormons can recognize that over the last years conference has been relatively tepid, with very little revelation. Anyone remember “ponderize”? How about “doubt your doubts”? And who can forget the children of gay parents ban…

But here we are in 2022. The largest war is happening right now in Europe since WWII. A global pandemic is entering its 3rd year with millions of lives lost and the economic fallout still raining down.

We have prophets on the earth for times like these. This conference won’t be like the others, surely Gods anointed will lead the way with the gift of prophesy, seeing, and even revelation.

I expect no less than 20 new temples announced. A 2 week worldwide social media fast for Ukraine. They’re going to bring out the big guns. And the cherry on top? They’re going to lower the missionary age to 17. These are truly extraordinary times we live in. We’re going to be blown away by conference, get ready!

[Moksha]

Everyone knows that extra temple building funds should be invested with Ensign Peak Advisors, right? Especially when most will underutilized or simply be part of a vaporware list.

Maybe we should switch to the creation of acknowledged Fantasy Temples. For example:

Cruise Lady Caribbean Temple - Ports of call from Bermuda to San Juan. Enjoy a Cruise Lady Temple vacation today!
Bora Bora Temple - If it is good enough for Kevin Graham and Dr. Peterson, then why not make it into a friendly Temple Vacation for other Saints!
Ulaanbaatar Temple of Mongolia - Let the Church cover the global map for you.
Martin's Cove Trek Temple - Why not take in a session before the kids begin the summer trek experience?
Epcot Temple - Put on your seatbelt and enjoy the virtual session. Afterward, grab a gator on a stick before hitting the rides.

[Kishkumen]

I vote for the Epcot Temple, although I am pretty sure it already exists:

[sock puppet]

I vote for the Epcot Temple, although I am pretty sure it already exists:

I like this design better than the run of the mill LDS temples.

[drumdude]

All the new temples will be underground for obvious reasons.

They’re even launching one into space.

[BeNotDeceived]

They need to re-name General Conference to 'General Con' and announce that the new name is in the spirit of Joseph Smith!

[cinepro]

And who can forget the children of gay parents ban…

That wasn't in conference.

[cinepro]

Cruise Lady Caribbean Temple - Ports of call from Bermuda to San Juan. Enjoy a Cruise Lady Temple vacation today!

Greg Prince's book on David O. Mckay actually mentions them considering making a "Temple ship" that could travel to different areas. It's actually not a bad idea, but I expect it would have looked a little too much like L. Ron Hubbard's boats with "Sea Org"-type zealots manning the helm.

[BeNotDeceived]

I think it's hilarious that instead of repealing the ban on coffee and tea in recent years, especially after Rusty took over the reigns as a former physician and all the changes he's making to his liking, that they basically doubled down and expressly forbade their consumption, even with all of the science, research and proof that the two are actually very healthy for you consumed in moderation. But I guess that was one of Smith's 'revelations' that helped separate his 'church' from all the other phony ones.

[drumdude]

And who can forget the children of gay parents ban…

That wasn't in conference.

And ironically it’s the most recent publicly admitted revelation from the brethren.

I suppose the days of disclosing revelation at the pulpit during conference is over, they’ll all now be quietly added to non-public church handbooks.