What am I to do?

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Kishkumen
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Re: What I'm I to do?

Post by Kishkumen »

dantana wrote:
Sat Oct 01, 2022 2:24 pm
Season 2, - Not renewed-
Thank goodness, but I really wish Archive 81 had been renewed. That was much more fun than this show.
“If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don’t have to worry about the answers.”~Thomas Pynchon, Gravity’s Rainbow
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Res Ipsa
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Re: What I'm I to do?

Post by Res Ipsa »

Hello and welcome, mike.b.

I’m sorry you’re in this situation, which sounds quite frustrating.

Two things are true. Missionaries are not supposed to form personal relationships, let alone romantic relationships, with people that they teach. And some missionaries do form romantic relationships with people they teach. I don’t think it’s surprising that they do, given their ages and the strong feelings that can accompany doing God’s work full time.

I would suggest taking a little time processing this fairly intense experience you’ve gone through. Don’t be rushed into making any big decisions for six months to a year. Take some time to get to know your new geographical and religious communities.

Take a personal inventory of where you are and what you want to get out of life. Education, employment, friendships, relationships, community, spirituality, etc. Then, figure out how you can move from where you are to where you want to be. Do you want to stay in the missionary’s home town if she’s not part of the package? Do you have friends or family members elsewhere that you want to be closer to? Have you attended church in the new town? If so, do you feel like you’re integrating into the congregation? And, perhaps most important of all, how tangled up with your newfound faith at your feelings for the young woman who taught you. Whatever the answers are, thinking through the questions will likely help you think through the next stage of your life and give you some solid ground to move forward.

The last message you received sounds like a missionary who had been admonished by her supervisors or mission President to break off the relationship and follow the mission rules. If you want to leave the door open to see if anything will develop between the two of you, I’d suggest letting her know that you understand that she has a job to do that means not pursuing personal or romantic relationships and you don’t want to distract her from that work. Let her know that you would like to see her after she completes her mission and that, if she feels the same, please contact you after she is released. Then, go about your life expecting that you won’t see or hear from her again. If she does contact you, that will be a nice surprise without you putting your life on hold waiting for something that is probably a long shot.

I wish you the best of luck.
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Marcus
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Re: What I'm I to do?

Post by Marcus »

and yet another "mike".. :roll:
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dantana
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Re: What I'm I to do?

Post by dantana »

Marcus wrote:
Tue Oct 04, 2022 3:00 am
and yet another "mike".. :roll:
Morm cult conditioning syndrome + Dunning K. disease + no bottle deposit = Not redeemable.
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Dr. Shades
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Re: What I'm I to do?

Post by Dr. Shades »

Hi Mike.b,

Unlike others, I'm convinced that her feelings for you were, and still are, real. Had she been faking it in order to get you baptized, she wouldn't've contacted you after she transferred. As others have said, that short, terse email you got was only because she either got caught or felt guilty and confessed. Either way, she didn't send it voluntarily.

From this point forward, Res Ipsa's second-to-last paragraph contained the best advice. To repeat, he said:
The last message you received sounds like a missionary who had been admonished by her supervisors or mission President to break off the relationship and follow the mission rules. If you want to leave the door open to see if anything will develop between the two of you, I’d suggest letting her know that you understand that she has a job to do that means not pursuing personal or romantic relationships and you don’t want to distract her from that work. Let her know that you would like to see her after she completes her mission and that, if she feels the same, please contact you after she is released. Then, go about your life expecting that you won’t see or hear from her again. If she does contact you, that will be a nice surprise without you putting your life on hold waiting for something that is probably a long shot.
My only point of disagreement is that I think your chances are measurably better than a long shot.
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--I Have Questions, 01-25-2024
IHAQ
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Re: What am I to do?

Post by IHAQ »

Mike.b wrote:
Fri Sep 30, 2022 9:44 pm
How should I proceed? I am a recent convert to the LDS church. I Absolutely love this church and it has motivated me to completely change my life. I was being taught by a missionary and we quickly became friends. We would have discussions about personal stuff always Initiated by her and I could tell it bugged her companion. When I suggested that I wanted to move to Utah from Florida to be closer to the home of my new faith she instead suggested that I should move to her home state and specifically to her town. She would often say things like that I make her smile or that when she thinks of me it helps her get through her day. She also said things like she thought that we had met previously in the pre-mortal world and that she wanted to be friends forever and things like that. Shortly after my baptism she was transferred to another area. She told me she would call me on her planning days- I didn't even realize that would be an option. She started emailing me and calling me on her planning days. We had two phone calls each last about 35-40 minutes. I must admit I guess I started falling in love. Also I guess I may have completely been miss reading the situation. In one of my emails I explained how I was falling in love (mind you we've been saying I love you to each other quite a bit at this point). Then she sent me this a short weird email that our relationship is only that of a recent convert and teacher and that's it. She has stopped calling me and emailing me. I'm kind of bewildered as this is the same girl that asked me to move across the country to be in her city and was calling me and everything else. I am so new to all this Lds stuff I don't know all the rules. I don't know if she was breaking the rules. Was she forced to send that email? It didn't even sound like it was her writing it based on the tone. I am so confused. I don't know what to do. I still have feelings for her but at the minimum I would like to be friends. Is there any former missionaries or mission president or whatever that could give me some insight please?
You've been dumped. Plenty more fish in the sea. Go date someone.
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