What am I to do?

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Mike.b
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What am I to do?

Post by Mike.b »

How should I proceed? I am a recent convert to the LDS church. I Absolutely love this church and it has motivated me to completely change my life. I was being taught by a missionary and we quickly became friends. We would have discussions about personal stuff always Initiated by her and I could tell it bugged her companion. When I suggested that I wanted to move to Utah from Florida to be closer to the home of my new faith she instead suggested that I should move to her home state and specifically to her town. She would often say things like that I make her smile or that when she thinks of me it helps her get through her day. She also said things like she thought that we had met previously in the pre-mortal world and that she wanted to be friends forever and things like that. Shortly after my baptism she was transferred to another area. She told me she would call me on her planning days- I didn't even realize that would be an option. She started emailing me and calling me on her planning days. We had two phone calls each last about 35-40 minutes. I must admit I guess I started falling in love. Also I guess I may have completely been miss reading the situation. In one of my emails I explained how I was falling in love (mind you we've been saying I love you to each other quite a bit at this point). Then she sent me this a short weird email that our relationship is only that of a recent convert and teacher and that's it. She has stopped calling me and emailing me. I'm kind of bewildered as this is the same girl that asked me to move across the country to be in her city and was calling me and everything else. I am so new to all this Lds stuff I don't know all the rules. I don't know if she was breaking the rules. Was she forced to send that email? It didn't even sound like it was her writing it based on the tone. I am so confused. I don't know what to do. I still have feelings for her but at the minimum I would like to be friends. Is there any former missionaries or mission president or whatever that could give me some insight please?
drumdude
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Re: What I'm I to do?

Post by drumdude »

As someone who converted to Mormonism because of a girl, all I can say is that my heart goes out to you. There are many conflicting forces on a young Mormon's life at missionary age. It could be one of a hundred different things that caused her to send you mixed signals. It may be impossible to ever know exactly what happened.
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Doctor Steuss
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Re: What I'm I to do?

Post by Doctor Steuss »

As a caveat, your internet search led you to a message board that is predominately made up of people who have left the Church. That being said...

My insight(s):

There’s a middle ground where you will be able to continue to embrace, and enjoy the positive trajectory of change you’ve found from the Church. That middle ground likely doesn’t include uplifting your life and moving.

Young love is confusing, and messy. Old love is equally confusing, and sometimes as messy. Friendship, when tied to strong emotions, can also be confusing and messy.

Whatever romance is potentially there likely can’t and won’t blossom in any type of mature way until she returns home. As hard and painful as it will likely be, move forward, and focus on you.
msnobody
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Re: What I'm I to do?

Post by msnobody »

Sounds like she was breaking the rules. Could be that she needed to get baptismal numbers up and used you for that end goal. It is possible that she enjoyed her interaction with you and skirted around the rules. Likely she started to feel guilty. Could have been a church talk or mission leader that triggered her to “Choose the right.” Chances are that she both used it as a way to get baptismal numbers up and a good chance that she really liked you. Mormonism has such a strong grip on people.

I was invited by a missionary to go mountain biking on preparation day. While I don’t know the motivation for the invitation, I suspect their preparation (P-day) could have been extended if an investigator was present. I regret not going now, no matter what the motivation was. I do want to ask this former missionary about it one day. Weird thing is I can’t seem to get him to engage in conversation, but he sends me birthday cards, and other non-religious correspondence.

I’d say that Dr. S is 99.9% right; best to move on.
The LORD your God has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession... The LORD set his love on you and chose you... The LORD has brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the house of slavery. Deut. 7
honorentheos
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Re: What I'm I to do?

Post by honorentheos »

She was likely turned in by a companion for obvious rule breaking behavior and told to end the flirting by the leadership. It doesn't read to me entirely like she was just trying to get a baptism. Otherwise she would have encouraged you to go to Utah and find a nice BYU coed with whom you would start a family.
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Doctor CamNC4Me
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Re: What I'm I to do?

Post by Doctor CamNC4Me »

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. You shot your shot, little man, and it was a miss. Now you know. Hit the gym, hit the books, hit the hobbies, and be the best version of yourself you can be. Some girl will vibe with that energy and you’ll be good to go.

- Doc
Hugh Nibley claimed he bumped into Adolf Hitler, Albert Einstein, Winston Churchill, Gertrude Stein, and the Grand Duke Vladimir Romanoff. Dishonesty is baked into Mormonism.
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Everybody Wang Chung
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Re: What I'm I to do?

Post by Everybody Wang Chung »

Welcome! There is a silver lining. At least you didn't join Scientology.
"I'm on paid sabbatical from BYU in exchange for my promise to use this time to finish two books."

Daniel C. Peterson, 2014
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Kishkumen
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Re: What I'm I to do?

Post by Kishkumen »

Young missionaries are told they cannot date at the very time when their non-Mormon peers are enjoying dating, courting, and sex to the hilt. For some of them the abstinence is unbearable and they flirt with romance in one of the few social outlets they have: teaching investigators. I would guess that her companion saw what was going on and either threatened to turn her in or did turn her in to her leaders.
“If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don’t have to worry about the answers.”~Thomas Pynchon, Gravity’s Rainbow
Bond
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Re: What I'm I to do?

Post by Bond »

You reached for the honeypot my friend but you're not getting any honey because she was just flirting to get a convert.
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dantana
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Re: What I'm I to do?

Post by dantana »

Wow, this sounds just a bit metaphorical as to a current happening on this very board, at this very time.

There is a poster, let's call him 'A-Mike.' In searching for his true destiny in life he happened upon this discussion board. He became obsessed. He sold everything, moved all the way across town to be nearer to the computer in his mom's basement and spent every waking hour tapping out messages aimed at defeating the libs. The board though said - Whoa, this is a one-sided love affair. Back off or I'll put you in prison and quit talking to you without a moderator. More...

Season 1, Episode 2: Mike's roofer employee buddy guy tells us Mike is everything he says he is.

Season 1, Episode 3: Mike's wife tells us Mike is truly six foot six and full of muscle.

Season 1, Episode 4: Mike's proctologist, 'High Spy' tells us Mike has sacred Mormon codes tattooed on his colen.

Season 2, - Not renewed-
Nobody gets to be a cowboy forever. - Lee Marvin/Monte Walsh
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