What's the Alternative?

[Doctor CamNC4Me]

Members come to feel there can be no life outside the context of the group: characteristics associated with cults, Janja Lalich and Michael D. Langone.

That's exactly my question, Doc. If I leave the cult, what kind of life can I expect to have? What kind of life can I live?

“Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.”

The lack of pre-defined purpose, plus an existence that holds no inherent value, plus infinite choices always before us, is what J.P. Satre describes as the “anguish of freedom”.

Once you become unshackled from the various systems designed to control you, and with nothing to restrict you, you now have the choice to take actions to become who you want to be and lead the life you want to live. You now carry the burden to become who you want to become.

According to Mr. Sartre, each choice you make defines you while at the same time revealing to you what you think a human being, you, should be. This is an incredible burden of responsibility that a free man has to bear. It’s sort of like ‘enduring til the end’, except there’s no pay off with rainbow bridges and golden spires waiting for you because you followed the rules just so.

To be, or not to be, that is the first question. If you choose to be, then the real game is afoot because only you are responsible for crafting a life that has meaning for you. This naturally leads to suffering because, well, suffering is unavoidable in the natural world, and you get to choose how to manage that.

You can build beaver analogue dams. You can drink yourself to death. You can become a podiatrist. You can travel to a location and make tik tok videos. You can write a book. You can join the Kiwanas club. You can live on the streets trading sexual favors for drugs. You can write code. You can hike. You can become an aesthetic. You can become a monk. You can make YouTube videos about a niche interest. You can be angry. Or resentful. Or delusional. It’s your burden and your choices reveal to you who you are.

- Doc

[Morley]

I understand the desire to want that next vine to be in view before letting go of the one you’re holding. But one of the most amazing things in life is to let go without knowing exactly where the next day leads. I have discovered so much by way of useful practices, frameworks and perspective since stepping out of the Mormon scaffolding. Scary, yes. And did I hope there might be an organized “thing” to latch on to? Sure. But now I see it isn’t that simple, and the world actually has far more beauty, truthful exploration and growth than the church offers.

Perfect.

[canpakes]

Canpakes, I can't think of any that I know how to preserve forever without such a membership. That's why I asked the question.

OK. Then what are, say, several good things worth preserving that do require membership?

Hey, KevinSim - if you can answer this question above, then you may be able to resolve your first question.

[msnobody]

What exactly is the alternative to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints? If, for some reason, I were to conclude that I should leave the LDS Church, what should I let take its place?

Surrender yourself to God. Read the Bible like a child, not already knowing what it will say to you, but allow God to reveal himself.

[sock puppet]

What exactly is the alternative to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints? If, for some reason, I were to conclude that I should leave the LDS Church, what should I let take its place?

You will transition to a new life, one more on your terms, pursuing what motivates you personally. At first, it can feel like the transition after high school or college (especially if you don't have a job already line up). LDS missionaries often feel rudderless at first at the end of their missions. Actually, I think such transitions, including out of the LDS church altogether, is a wonderful time of self-discovery and re-definition. Many here have made the transitions, some in real time here and others that came here so shortly after the LDS bubble burst for them, we witnessed such transitions. For me, one profound one that comes to mind is that of an old poster, zeezrom. I've followed him on Facebook as his life has blossomed as he pursues his interests more passionately and vigorously.

[Res Ipsa]

Boy does this ring a bell with me. When I left my mission, the number one argument that was made by my leaders up the chain was "what do you have that's better than Mormonism?" And the answer to that question was "nothing." All I had was Mormonism, because I never had reason to look for anything else.

But staying and pretending I believed was soul crushing. I simply could not stay. So, I left.

For quite a while, I looked for something to replace it. I never found a church that I wanted to attend, and so gradually stopped looking. Eventually, I realized that I was trying to fill a hole in my life that didn't exist. Without realizing it, the rest of my life filled up whatever hole was there. I felt like a complete person, with no need to take on anything else to replace the LDS church.

There are lots of possibilities out there, but it's very hard to see them when you are inside the LDS religion and culture. It's kind of a leap of faith to let go and see the many possibilities, but my recollection is that it was pretty scary at the time.

[Moksha]

What exactly is the alternative to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints? If, for some reason, I were to conclude that I should leave the LDS Church, what should I let take its place?

Surrender yourself to God. Read the Bible like a child, not already knowing what it will say to you, but allow God to reveal himself.

I took Kevin's question to mean he wanted a concrete alternative... either that or it was an exploratory exercise before concluding that the LDS Church is the most perfect place to be in his life.

[huckelberry]

Boy does this ring a bell with me. When I left my mission, the number one argument that was made by my leaders up the chain was "what do you have that's better than Mormonism?" And the answer to that question was "nothing." All I had was Mormonism, because I never had reason to look for anything else.

But staying and pretending I believed was soul crushing. I simply could not stay. So, I left.

For quite a while, I looked for something to replace it. I never found a church that I wanted to attend, and so gradually stopped looking. Eventually, I realized that I was trying to fill a hole in my life that didn't exist. Without realizing it, the rest of my life filled up whatever hole was there. I felt like a complete person, with no need to take on anything else to replace the LDS church.

There are lots of possibilities out there, but it's very hard to see them when you are inside the LDS religion and culture. It's kind of a leap of faith to let go and see the many possibilities, but my recollection is that it was pretty scary at the time.

Res Ipsa, this was a good statement and explanation I think. Thank you for posting it. I think it is good enough to find a spot in memory.

[Gadianton]

Kevin, you're a lifelong member, right? You literally know nothing else besides serving the church. What would a circus elephant do if it were let back into the wild?

You'd probably fall into depression and lose hope in life if you left the Church.

[dantana]

Kevin, are you asking this question because your shelf is getting heavy and you are looking for some insights? I've heard this question asked many times over the years, and at one time asked it of myself, and almost always the asker has shelf issues.

A lot of good people on here have offered up thoughtful ideas for a person that has gone into search mode. So, are you searching or is this just a backdoor attempt to bear your testimony/proselyte again for the cause of the one true church?