Dreams of Being Called on a Mission

[Analytics]

Ever since I returned from my mission 30 years ago, I've had dreams about being called back on a mission. Even before I left the Church, these dreams were hellish nightmares. They continued like that for 20 years, maybe. But then, the dreams gradually became better--I was still a missionary in these dreams, but I was somehow free. I was out there wearing the clothes and doing the gig, but I started to have guilt-free freedom to think and do whatever I wanted. The rules and expectations no longer had any control over me.

Last night I had the dream again, and this one was actually a decidedly good dream. I dreamed I was dressed up as a missionary in the MTC, in a big audience in one of those big rectangular rooms listening to the president of the MTC give a talk.

The MTC president talked about how noble and important we were for voluntarily sacrificing 2 precious years of our lives for this cause. To emphasize that the work really was voluntary, he rhetorically said that we could leave anytime we wanted. When I heard that, I immediately stood up. The room went silent, and all eyes were on me. I confidently walked to the door in the back. The MTC president ran from the stage in front to the door in the back and blocked it. I walked right up to him and opened up my hands in a questioning gesture and raised my eyebrows, clearly implying, "You just said we could leave anytime we wanted to. I obviously want to leave right now, so why are you in my way?" After perhaps 5 seconds of tense silence, he stepped aside and let me walk out. Nobody tried to stop me.

Man, that was a good dream.

[drumdude]

I wish I had done this when the temple speaker voice told me I could leave the cult like ceremony.

But my wedding was on the line, family was all around, and I was a captive victim. If I could go back in time I would have stood up for myself and my beliefs.

[msnobody]

Ever since I returned from my mission 30 years ago, I've had dreams about being called back on a mission. Even before I left the Church, these dreams were hellish nightmares. They continued like that for 20 years, maybe. But then, the dreams gradually became better--I was still a missionary in these dreams, but I was somehow free. I was out there wearing the clothes and doing the gig, but I started to have guilt-free freedom to think and do whatever I wanted. The rules and expectations no longer had any control over me.

Last night I had the dream again, and this one was actually a decidedly good dream. I dreamed I was dressed up as a missionary in the MTC, in a big audience in one of those big rectangular rooms listening to the president of the MTC give a talk.

The MTC president talked about how noble and important we were for voluntarily sacrificing 2 precious years of our lives for this cause. To emphasize that the work really was voluntary, he rhetorically said that we could leave anytime we wanted. When I heard that, I immediately stood up. The room went silent, and all eyes were on me. I confidently walked to the door in the back. The MTC president ran from the stage in front to the door in the back and blocked it. I walked right up to him and opened up my hands in a questioning gesture and raised my eyebrows, clearly implying, "You just said we could leave anytime we wanted to. I obviously want to leave right now, so why are you in my way?" After perhaps 5 seconds of tense silence, he stepped aside and let me walk out. Nobody tried to stop me.

Man, that was a good dream.

Let’s pray that it was your last dream on this matter.

[Gadianton]

The topic has come up before and I was surprised I wasn't the only one. Was this reliving the mission as a new missionary or forced to return at the time in your life you're at now?

I had these occasionally for a while but can't remember the last one. Maybe over 10 years after returning. Mine were always some technicality sent me back at the age I was at the time, and it was always a horrible sinking feeling.

Interesting you had one where you got to beat the matrix. The thing is about dreams, is that for me, the bad sinking feeling doesn't necessarily track whether the dream narrative is good or bad.

[Dr Exiled]

I periodically get those dreams and am always sent to the bavarian alps area. At least it's a beautiful place I'm being sent to in my dream. When the dream happens, usually, I'm excited at first to get the call. However, I then remember how tedious it was and how robotic we were supposed to be due to the numbers pressure put on us.

I think it was such a big experience for me at an impressionable time that I relive it in my dreams, or so I think. It was exciting being out on my own in a foreign country and I had a good experience for the most part. I hated the numbers emphasis though and the unreasonable pressure put on us to get the numbers. We were bamboozled into believing that if we didn't perform we were somehow sinning and maybe that is why I continually relive the experience in my dreams. Too bad it couldn't have been just about helping people and had to be about converting people to something they didn't want, because ultimately it turns out to be complete nonsense.

[Kishkumen]

Ever since I returned from my mission 30 years ago, I've had dreams about being called back on a mission. Even before I left the Church, these dreams were hellish nightmares. They continued like that for 20 years, maybe. But then, the dreams gradually became better--I was still a missionary in these dreams, but I was somehow free. I was out there wearing the clothes and doing the gig, but I started to have guilt-free freedom to think and do whatever I wanted. The rules and expectations no longer had any control over me.

Last night I had the dream again, and this one was actually a decidedly good dream. I dreamed I was dressed up as a missionary in the MTC, in a big audience in one of those big rectangular rooms listening to the president of the MTC give a talk.

The MTC president talked about how noble and important we were for voluntarily sacrificing 2 precious years of our lives for this cause. To emphasize that the work really was voluntary, he rhetorically said that we could leave anytime we wanted. When I heard that, I immediately stood up. The room went silent, and all eyes were on me. I confidently walked to the door in the back. The MTC president ran from the stage in front to the door in the back and blocked it. I walked right up to him and opened up my hands in a questioning gesture and raised my eyebrows, clearly implying, "You just said we could leave anytime we wanted to. I obviously want to leave right now, so why are you in my way?" After perhaps 5 seconds of tense silence, he stepped aside and let me walk out. Nobody tried to stop me.

Man, that was a good dream.

That is a good dream. It sounds like a very deep part of you is able to leave Mormonism behind and feel at peace about it.

[dastardly stem]

I m-worded in a field of sunflowers (went to Kansas and Missouri) in one of my such dreams. I thought that resolved the trauma the mission put on me. Maybe I still need a dream where I get to choose not to go in the first place to finish me off.

Alright I'm too old for this.

[msnobody]

Does focusing on the good in your mission help to relieve any of the PTSD? I've certainly been blessed by encountering you online, Analytics. Had you not gone on mission and I had not encountered you on the website which ultimately led to my registering and participating on ZLMB, I don't know where I'd be today; a life forever changed.
As a result of this thread, I have reached out to one of the missionaries that taught me many years ago. It didn't go so well the last time I reached out to him nine years ago.

[Everybody Wang Chung]

As a result of this thread, I have reached out to one of the missionaries that taught me many years ago. It didn't go so well the last time I reached out to him nine years ago.

msnobody, if you feel comfortable sharing, I would love to know what happened.

[MetaProf]

I used to have similar dreams all the time as well.

The last one I had (about 15 years ago): I went out of my way to get called on a mission again. And when I got there, I left and went home.

Like you say, Analytics, it was a good one.