DiscussMormonism.com

I can remember being filled with questions at the end of the endowment ceremony. It was hyped as a time to reflect and get answers to those questions, but instead we were given about 5 minutes to look at the room and then whisked away to make room for the next crowd.

Will we have to physically do the handshake after we die?

What if we forget the handshake? I couldn't even get it right with the person whispering.

Will evil people get in with the handshake? If not, why the warning about selling them?

What if I forget my or my wife's fake name? What is even the significance of this fake name? Why does everyone get the same fake name??

How did I get past all the safeguards that check for premarital sex, if everyone has a power of discernment? Why do the lockers have locks on them?

Why are there moneychangers in the temple? Why aren't the garments (or at least temple clothes) free and subsidized by tithing?


On and on and on. I hear so many Mormons say how they're able to clear their minds and think when at the temple, but my experience was the exact opposite of that. And even after going through everything, once I was in the room it was made very clear you don't get to just stay in that room as long as you want.

Well, I remember my mom telling me in hushed reverence that this (the Celestial Room) is very much how the real McCoy would actually be. I looked at my dad, hoping for clarification, but he'd already learned his lesson to never question the church or, more importantly, to never question my mom.

My heart dropped a little... But I kept going back with a sincere heart for years, hoping to make emotional if not not intellectual sense of it. However, each visit just made less and less sense until I accepted the man-made nature of the Mormon temple cultus.

I don't recall being rushed out my first time. The temple patrons and my parents said it was good to wait there as long as I wanted.

I do recall thinking the gold, green, and ivory color scheme was not what I envisioned nor what I would have chosen. But overall I had heard enough from temple preparation class and family that it wasn't going to be externally a capstone event so much as a contemplative one. That helped.

It was after serving as a missionary and attempting to go to the temple once a week that I really noticed I much preferred sitting in the chapel reading and contemplating scripture to the sounds of hymns being played over the celestial room experience. It was then it became clear the intent wasn't to spend time in quiet contemplation in proximity to the divine. I don't believe I was ever asked to make room for an incoming group but it could be it occurred. Most often it just wasn't conducive to spending time there.

I remember thinking how totally different the temple was from the Mormonisn I knew growing up.

I went through the first time a couple of days before I went into the mission home. I was not excited about going on a mission and was a little resentful of the pressure I received to go. I was hoping that the temple experience would help motivate me to improve my attitude. It didn't. It confused me. There was nothing in my previous church experience that prepared me for what I experienced. My parents went through with me, and afterwards I asked them questions that they tried not to answer. I got the impression they were a little embarrassed by it. I did not find it uplifting or enlightening. I served an honorable mission and stayed active for another three decades. But I doubt I attended the temple more than a dozen or so times. I avoided it as much as I could.

I was sort of "prepared" because I'd read enough anti-Lit and Nibley temple stuff to basically know what was going to happen.

The celestial room just seemed like a larger living room of the same design and furniture taste of uber TBM Utah families. Including ours.

The temple was more "boring" for me than it was weird, my prior education helped in that regard. Imagine some off-the-wall cult with crazy weird ceremonies and dress. Now imagine the ceremonies are performed with all the gusto of signing paperwork at a Kirton McConkie law office.

The one thing that stung a little bit -- not the first time, but the second time I went. Somebody in the MTC group had forgotten their name. I viewed that as important, as my understanding was that it was probably your name from the pre-existence and also after the resurrection. So in the background, I heard a worker urge the person over to another worker, and then I heard that other worker ask something like, do you remember the day you went through the first time? Def. took the wind out of my sails.

"I'm in a cult" I knew for sure I was in a place I didn't belong. I remember being extremely uncomfortable by the whole experience, and I was relieved to be in the final location and I couldn't wait to get the silly clothing off and get out of there.

My first time was a blur. It was truly on the weird side of things. However, the Celestial Room was really cool, and it was the mirrored walls that impressed me. Just WOW! Looking down, down, down, through those infinitely many me's was truly incredible. The symbolism, the stunning actual vision of that long corridor in the mirrors getting greener the further in I looked. It was seriously very stinking cool and awe inspiring. I remember telling my dad we ought to do that in our own house.

I love Philo's enthusiasm. However, my first experience was less than enjoyable. It started with being afraid that some old man was going to touch me below the waist, continued with the tedious dressing and undressing, and ended with thinking we were part of some weird cult with the costumes and prayer circle. It seemed straight out of the second planet of the apes movie from the 70's where the nuclear bomb cult got into a semi-circle, wearing cultish costumes, and then taking off their masks.



Later, when I was trying to go a least a few times per month, it helped in my journey out. I was continually reminded of the cultish practices in there and the loyalty demands. Combine that with my deep dive into the history and discovering how the Mormon scriptures are non-historical, I was out.

I had Denver Snuffer with me to help answer questions. He was very knowledgeable. The Celestial Room seemed very comfortable and was a tremendously normalizing change of pace from what had come before. We stayed later than anticipated because I got tagged to be a witness for the Sealing by Proxy ceremony.