Worst Mormon Movies: A Personal List
Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2023 4:25 am
10. The RM -- IMDB Rating 6.0
This was kind of fun to watch. RM Jared finds no one at the airport waiting for him. No friends. No family. No girlfriend. No one. Disappointed, Jared takes a taxi home and finds his family has moved. Finally, upon arriving to his new house, he learns that his family thought his return date home was a month later. Much to his surprise, he finds out his mom is pregnant and his family now has a Tongan foreign exchange student living and sleeping in Jared's bedroom. Also, after only a few days of being home, he finds out that he has lost his job, and his girlfriend is engaged to someone else. Sounds kind of corny, but trust me, compared to Witnesses this is the Lawrence of Arabia of Mormon films.
9. Sons of Provo -- IMDB Rating 5.9
Will, Kirby, and Danny are the hottest new sensation in Mormon pop music scene. Their band "Everclean" is the hottest band since the Osmonds. Beehives, Laurels and a surprising number of RM's flock to see them perform wherever they go. The band has to continually fight to become the most spiritual band ever, all while trying to remain humble.
8. Belle and The Beast: A Latter Day Tale --- IMDB Rating 5.8
A modern Mormon retelling of the classic, Beauty and the Beast, set in Salt Lake City. Really bad film.
7. Baptist At Our Barbeque -- IMBD Rating 5.5
Very pro-Mormon and anti-Baptist film. The movie is about a small town that is comprised of almost exactly 50% Mormon and 50% Baptist. The main characters are Mormon, and are portrayed as being kind, caring and concerned. For most of the film, the Mormons are being picked on by the evil, conniving and very judgmental Baptists. It shows how beautiful Mormons are and how cold-hearted and ignorant Baptists are.
6. The Cokeville Miracle -- IMDB Rating 5.4
Folks you can't make this stuff up. The bad guy in story is not the school bomber/terrorist, but the dad who doesn't believe the kids saw angels. And, his spouse threatens divorce because he doesn't believe the kids saw angels. Good freaking Lord!!!!
5. Passage To Zarahemla -- IMDB Rating 5.3
Don't ask how I got suckered into watching this crappy movie. It's about an angry teenage sister and her gang-banging little brother who escape evil California and travel to the warm caring bosom of Mormondom with large loving families, attentive parents and a wise grandparents that know all the Mormon mythology. Throw in some Mayans and Aztec-like characters and you've got a recipe for a movie that is sure to entertain the M.G. 2.0 types.
4. Suits On The Loose -- IMDB Rating 5.2
Two rebellious teens, on the run from a desert survival camp, steal the car of two naïve Mormon missionaries. They end up in New Harmony, the town that has been anxiously awaiting the Mormon missionaries. I'll leave it up to you to guess if these two rebellious teens turn their lives around and decide to serve real missions by the end of the film.
3. 16 Stones -- IMDB Rating 5.0
I kid you not. This piece of dookie is about a pioneer brother and sister who set off on a journey through hostile Missouri to find one of the Brother of Jared’s glowing stones. Despite how much this movie sucked, compared to Witnesses it was the Citizen Kane of Mormon films.
2. Out Of Liberty --- IMDB Rating 4.5
If you thought Witnesses played hard and fast with history, this film makes history almost unrecognizable. It's about the imprisonment of Joseph Smith and others after the violent conflict with the nearby residents. No mention of the anti-democratic actions of Joseph that led to his arrest. The film only portrays Joseph as the victim of being too righteous and that the evil world was out to get him.
1. Witnesses -- IMDB Rating 4.2
This was the worst reviewed movie (according to IMDB) on this list. Not much too say about this box office bomb that hasn't been said before. It does nothing to accurately portray Mormon history. No mention of polygamy (except a confusing 20 second mention of Fanny Alger who is never seen or portrayed anywhere in the film), no mention of the printing press or why Joseph was incarcerated, inaccurate portrayal of the three witnesses and many, many other historical inaccuracies.
Let's hope DCP can be honest with his next film project, but I'm not holding my breath.
This was kind of fun to watch. RM Jared finds no one at the airport waiting for him. No friends. No family. No girlfriend. No one. Disappointed, Jared takes a taxi home and finds his family has moved. Finally, upon arriving to his new house, he learns that his family thought his return date home was a month later. Much to his surprise, he finds out his mom is pregnant and his family now has a Tongan foreign exchange student living and sleeping in Jared's bedroom. Also, after only a few days of being home, he finds out that he has lost his job, and his girlfriend is engaged to someone else. Sounds kind of corny, but trust me, compared to Witnesses this is the Lawrence of Arabia of Mormon films.
9. Sons of Provo -- IMDB Rating 5.9
Will, Kirby, and Danny are the hottest new sensation in Mormon pop music scene. Their band "Everclean" is the hottest band since the Osmonds. Beehives, Laurels and a surprising number of RM's flock to see them perform wherever they go. The band has to continually fight to become the most spiritual band ever, all while trying to remain humble.
8. Belle and The Beast: A Latter Day Tale --- IMDB Rating 5.8
A modern Mormon retelling of the classic, Beauty and the Beast, set in Salt Lake City. Really bad film.
7. Baptist At Our Barbeque -- IMBD Rating 5.5
Very pro-Mormon and anti-Baptist film. The movie is about a small town that is comprised of almost exactly 50% Mormon and 50% Baptist. The main characters are Mormon, and are portrayed as being kind, caring and concerned. For most of the film, the Mormons are being picked on by the evil, conniving and very judgmental Baptists. It shows how beautiful Mormons are and how cold-hearted and ignorant Baptists are.
6. The Cokeville Miracle -- IMDB Rating 5.4
Folks you can't make this stuff up. The bad guy in story is not the school bomber/terrorist, but the dad who doesn't believe the kids saw angels. And, his spouse threatens divorce because he doesn't believe the kids saw angels. Good freaking Lord!!!!
5. Passage To Zarahemla -- IMDB Rating 5.3
Don't ask how I got suckered into watching this crappy movie. It's about an angry teenage sister and her gang-banging little brother who escape evil California and travel to the warm caring bosom of Mormondom with large loving families, attentive parents and a wise grandparents that know all the Mormon mythology. Throw in some Mayans and Aztec-like characters and you've got a recipe for a movie that is sure to entertain the M.G. 2.0 types.
4. Suits On The Loose -- IMDB Rating 5.2
Two rebellious teens, on the run from a desert survival camp, steal the car of two naïve Mormon missionaries. They end up in New Harmony, the town that has been anxiously awaiting the Mormon missionaries. I'll leave it up to you to guess if these two rebellious teens turn their lives around and decide to serve real missions by the end of the film.
3. 16 Stones -- IMDB Rating 5.0
I kid you not. This piece of dookie is about a pioneer brother and sister who set off on a journey through hostile Missouri to find one of the Brother of Jared’s glowing stones. Despite how much this movie sucked, compared to Witnesses it was the Citizen Kane of Mormon films.
2. Out Of Liberty --- IMDB Rating 4.5
If you thought Witnesses played hard and fast with history, this film makes history almost unrecognizable. It's about the imprisonment of Joseph Smith and others after the violent conflict with the nearby residents. No mention of the anti-democratic actions of Joseph that led to his arrest. The film only portrays Joseph as the victim of being too righteous and that the evil world was out to get him.
1. Witnesses -- IMDB Rating 4.2
This was the worst reviewed movie (according to IMDB) on this list. Not much too say about this box office bomb that hasn't been said before. It does nothing to accurately portray Mormon history. No mention of polygamy (except a confusing 20 second mention of Fanny Alger who is never seen or portrayed anywhere in the film), no mention of the printing press or why Joseph was incarcerated, inaccurate portrayal of the three witnesses and many, many other historical inaccuracies.
Let's hope DCP can be honest with his next film project, but I'm not holding my breath.