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"In the world of bad movies, 'Witnesses' is truly a towering achievement." -- IMDB reviewer

Witnesses is about to receive a lot of international attention next week.

The Mormon Stories Podcast Community Facebook group is reporting that Witnesses will be reviewed on the next episode of the podcast, God Awful Movies. For those of you who don't know, the GAM podcast is very popular and has a large worldwide audience. It is also utterly hilarious. The hosts do a great job capturing the absurdity of these horrible movies. Each episode is devoted to reviewing, discussing and excoriating the worst of the worst movies. https://open.spotify.com/show/67jhJfeCuQB4oLIX9fnCQX

The good news for DCP is that Witnesses will be sure to see a huge jump in rentals and sales due to being on the GAM podcast. The bad news is that the increased interest will probably be from people wanting to experience (or make fun of) the awfulness themselves. Who knows, maybe there really is no such thing as bad publicity.

Here are a few of the recent films (and trailers) discussed on the God Awful Podcast:

In Gramp's Shoes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLIX9GiQCLY

Noah's Shark: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0G_Ecb1fHQ

Eat the Sun: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4novGg2EYc

The Badge the Bible and Bigfoot: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x77PgY4Gxas

Salsa and God: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S78V0UNGLbs

Kids vs Wizards: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hd61UkHkVnU

My soul mate and helpmeet and I are planning to invite two neighbor couples over this Monday to listen to the podcast and to munch on loads of buttered popcorn and down some cold ones (A&W). (Have I mentioned here my love for good popcorn?) We’ve all seen Witnesses. (My “Ess-O” says she liked it; I think she has a bit of a crush on the actor who played Oliver Cowdery in the film.) It should make for a wholesome Family Home Evening.

Shamrock Lakes, Indiana

Tom wrote: ↑

Wed Jun 28, 2023 12:54 pm

My soul mate and helpmeet and I are planning to invite two neighbor couples over this Monday . . .

How did you convince your soul mate to accept your helpmeet? And is there still jealousy, or have they learned to deal with it?

Oh Lord. I just watched the trailer. It's like if every bad Christian film had an orgy with a Mormon, then had a mutant baby.

But I actually kind of love bad movies (MST3K forever!), so now I feel rather compelled to see it.

Also, my husband loves bad shark movies (no, I don't know what I'm doing with him either). I think he might be getting Noah's Shark for his birthday now.

Pablum is the word that comes to mind to best describe “Witnesses.” Pablum was a processed cereal for infants originally marketed and co-created by the Mead Johnson & Company in 1931. That’s what this movie feels like. Overly sweet baby food for Mormons, to keep their dying testimonies alive.

There’s such a fervent desire from DCP to make Joseph Smith and the Mormon story seem weighty and monumentally important. He tries so hard with the music, the cinematography, the handsome actor chosen to play Smith.

But it all falls flat, it can’t escape feeling like a made for Sunday school VHS video. Unless you’re a true believing Mormon who cries when bearing his testimony at the pulpit, these attempts at elevating the Smith story on the silver screen aren’t going to elicit any tears.

No non-Mormon is going to be rushing out of the theater for Witnesses or August searching for the nearest baptismal font. They’re just going to be stifling a yawn trying not to offend whatever Mormon friend encouraged them to go see it together.

Tom wrote: ↑

Wed Jun 28, 2023 12:54 pm

My soul mate and helpmeet and I are planning to invite two neighbor couples over this Monday to listen to the podcast and to munch on loads of buttered popcorn and down some cold ones (A&W). (Have I mentioned here my love for good popcorn?) We’ve all seen Witnesses. (My “Ess-O” says she liked it; I think she has a bit of a crush on the actor who played Oliver Cowdery in the film.) It should make for a wholesome Family Home Evening.

Shamrock Lakes, Indiana

I certainly will be listening on Monday. What a great honor for 'Witnesses.' It will be interesting to hear the perspective of non-Mormons reviewing the film.

I know that DCP was very disappointed that over 99% of Mormons in the U.S. did not bother to watch the film, despite DCP spending several hundred thousand dollars in advertising (I couldn't drive to the local gas station without being bombarded with giant billboards for "Witnesses'). But, I was just thinking that DCP could use the notoriety from the podcast to start midnight showings of 'Witnesses.' It could achieve cult status much like 'The Room' or 'Showgirls.'

It could replace Rocky Horror Picture Show, with people throwing popcorn at the screen any time Joseph Smith appears.

What exciting news this is! And to think that this is happening at the same moment that Dr. Peterson is busy arguing that Joseph Smith is “better” than Thomas Ford on the basis of notoriety! You have to wonder what impact—if any—this podcast will have on “6 Days in August.”

For Heaven’s sake, “Witnesses” wasn’t that bad. In fact, for having a budget of only one million dollars, it was actually quite good.

Sure, there were plenty of things I would’ve done differently, but I’m literally—not figuratively, but literally—amazed that far more of our LDS friends didn’t see it than actually did. It’s bizarre.

Dr. Shades wrote: ↑

Fri Jun 30, 2023 4:17 am

For Heaven’s sake, “Witnesses” wasn’t that bad. In fact, for having a budget of only one million dollars, it was actually quite good.

Sure, there were plenty of things I would’ve done differently, but I’m literally—not figuratively, but literally—amazed that far more of our LDS friends didn’t see it than actually did. It’s bizarre.

I’m with you, Shades. I thought Witnesses was an enjoyable movie. A little odd in places but quite enjoyable. Thanks to Everybody Wang Chung, I have my own Blu-ray copy and wish I could host a viewing party at my place.