Did your exit bring you sadness or happiness?

[hauslern]

When I left the LDS church I was making a phone call to a LDS member I knew who was an accountant about a tax matter. His wife answered and call her husband, meanwhile asked me "Are you happy?" LDS seem to think once you leave your life is going to be miserable. Leaving can be an adjustment especially if your social life is around the church. Does religion make and keep you happy? The Nordic countries low in religious participation are reported as the happiest countries in the world. The response I get is that they have a high suicide rate in the Nordic countries.


I enjoyed dances, roadshows and youth groups. We would sometimes go to a dancehall or club to dance but not drink. But when you start reading outside the approved literature the doubts begin. I am not happy all the time which is unrealistic. People including LDS members get serious illnesses, become unemployed and divorced. I am quietly happy my daughters have made it through life, not on drugs and now have children and good jobs. Things happened to them that has nothing to do with whether were believers or not.

[drumdude]

The Nordic countries low in religious participation are reported as the happiest countries in the world.

Those Mormons who serve missions in the Nordic countries return extremely depressed. They convert no one, and they see how happy people are without any religion at all. They don't need Joseph Smith's nonsense. They don't need fake apostolic authority.

It's a preview for the rest of the world what life will look like without religion. It won't be a utopia, but it won't be a nightmare either.

[Philo Sofee]

At first I was angry, and sometimes it actually bubbles up still. For the most part, I am much, much more relaxed and enjoying the earth and this life now. This is where we are, here and now, heaven can wait. I am very happy overall, and enjoying this life. And, I am richer. No, not rich, I am a poh boy, without question, can't travel much, but I am still richer now than I ever would have been as a Mormon - er - a Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saintser....Gawd that is such stupidity.

[Gadianton]

Neither. Relief from the drudgery and nonsense was the immediate benefit. But then you have to make your way in a world that you don't understand and that can bring in new sets of problems that you could have been sheltered from by staying in the harness.

[bill4long]

The Nordic countries low in religious participation are reported as the happiest countries in the world.

Those Mormons who serve missions in the Nordic countries return extremely depressed. They convert no one, and they see how happy people are without any religion at all. They don't need Joseph Smith's nonsense. They don't need fake apostolic authority.

It's a preview for the rest of the world what life will look like without religion. It won't be a utopia, but it won't be a nightmare either.

It will be pretty good until the tides of Judeo/Christian ethics are finally gone. (The West -- yeah, you -- is still sucking at it's teat to some degree.)

At that point, you may not like the situation. (If you're still alive.)

Wait until the Assyrians come a-calling. (Fill in that with your favorite nightmare.)

What a world.

Lions eat gazelles. Without conscience.

[Chap]

It will be pretty good until the tides of Judeo/Christian ethics are finally gone.

Then people in western countries will become about as wicked as people currently are in (e.g.) Japan?

Based on my experience, I say "bring it on" ...

[Gadianton]

Looks like somebody watched one too many youtube videos recommended by free rider.

[Canadiandude2]

I think one of the things that makes this question difficult (especially for members) is the general lack of awareness that prior membership in the church itself might be contributing to a former member’s happiness or unhappiness.

Church members especially fail to take into account how their treatment of ‘the other’ can influence whether a person opts to remain in the church or not. It also can influence the degree to which former members wish for the church to be held accountable for injustices- real or perceived.

I was both happy and unhappy at my excommunication and I damn well chose to attend my ‘court of love’ at the time to judge my accusers as they judged me.

I lived in an area where because of the political conservatism of the membership, the council was inclined to interpret the 2015 policy of exclusion/apostasy quite liberally if it meant punishing those deemed heretical. I had a boyfriend at the time, was not living with him, broke their laws of chastity, and was unrepentant.

Perhaps they saw it as a mercy, but excommunication was their judgment, and though I’m not as angry as in the past- yes I think the church has not yet received the full ethical consequences of its actions towards myself and others who question their strictness, relative to the evidence they bear to support such orthodoxy.

I regret that I was born Mormon and wasted so many years, energy, and money devoted to something that was hurting others, and hurting me. I regret that I did not spend that time getting swole; getting my education and career started earlier; more time spent on pragmatic solutions to my material and less-obvious health problems rather than relying on “the faith to not be healed”.

At the same time- I’m so happy I’m out now as opposed to later. I’m so happy I have the chance to break the cycle with my own family. I have greater confidence and optimism for the future now that the nonsense of the world can be understood humanely, in secular terms- rather than forced into a framework Ill-suited to the task.

[Canadiandude2]

I watch my father’s slow decline into far-right conservative politics as an active member who has held positions of authority- and I can’t help but wonder if he is the one who’s unhappy.

He has so much bitterness towards a world that refuses to fit into this insular lil ‘box’ (framework) he has for it. Not even my advice using church-sources and positions have softened him. I advised that he look at the church’s (newly published) position on information-sources/seeking, and note that church is (now) against members formation of exclusive political identities and behaviour on the basis that only one (or a limited few) political parties or ideologies can be held my members of good standing.

He was outraged at the Church essay on race and the priesthood when I shared it with him as an active member trying to clarify the church’s position. He (not without reason) saw the inherent tension in both claiming (what is essentially) both prophetic infallibility, while also disavowing BY’s Ordinance Ban as potentially impacted by incorrect and racist beliefs.

Other recent changes to church policies and practices have also not always impressed him much. It was during the pandemic when he first stated that ‘he doesn’t always agree with what the church does’- after I reminded him of President Nelson’s statement on vaccination.

~

I love my father. But ultimately he is beyond my influence to de-radicalize. Senator Romney, Maclean, Maybe even ?Nelson- these are all scornworthy in his eyes. He’d sooner listen to Senator Lee, Jordan Peterson, and Tucker Carlson.

[sock puppet]

Neither. Relief from the drudgery and nonsense was the immediate benefit. But then you have to make your way in a world that you don't understand and that can bring in new sets of problems that you could have been sheltered from by staying in the harness.

My experience as well--after I'd gone through denial, anger, bargaining and acceptance. Relief, then moving on with life. The fact that my life since leaving is neither experiencing more nor less of either happiness nor sadness leaves the 'church of 10 syllables' inconsequential--a nothing burger. With freedom comes more responsibility for one's self. Freeing myself from the Mormon yoke has allowed me to enjoy more that is available to us in the human condition. Perhaps had I stayed I would have been more frustrated. Can't say. There's but one of me and in the last 40 years being freed of that yoke, this is all I know. What I can say is that my high school friends that I yet have contact with and who are yet TBMs have from time to time expressed their envy for the life and experiences I have. On the other hand, I've not felt an envy for them or their lifestyles. So there is that.

But am I more sad/happy since leaving? No. I am more fulfilled, more rounded out, and at peace with who I am. So perhaps therein lies more happiness and less sadness. There is certainly less frustration, less self-doubt since I left than there was before.