Transgender

[markc]

Hi all, my new article:
https://open.substack.com/pub/chumark54 ... Share=true

This is about my journey of growth as an ex-Mormon toward understanding and empathy for transgender people. Thanks.

[Imwashingmypirate]

There's a person near us who was a woman and turned into a man. But I didn't believe my neighbour when she said this was the case. To me he is a male. But then when I saw his Facebook page and could see the transition, it is indeed true. But even when he was a woman, he was still very masculine.

It will be interesting to see how the church deals with this in the next few decades..

On another note... I grew up with someone who was without a doubt a lesbian. She apparently married a woman according to Facebook and her family seemed accepting of it. Both women were church members. But when I was checking up recently to see how people were doing, I was surprised to see a photo of her with a man and children, very clearly her man and children. No idea what happened. I didn't ask. Being nosey. (If I kept everyone on Facebook I'd have known what happened but I don't keep too many people on there after losing touch unless they were special people in my life).

I know a kid who was saying he was a girl (about age 5 to 10). He wore girls clothes. He now is clearly a boy and no longer wears girls clothes. And strangely he never looked comfortable in girls clothes. Don't know what was going on there.

Anyway. There's no point to my response. I just think if a child makes these decisions they should try to wait because there are also a lot of people who are saying they made a mistake and are now more damaged. If an adult decides then that's their choice and their choice shouldn't affect others.

If my husband became a woman, I don't think I'd mind lol. But that's probably because I know there isn't an ounce of woman in him. I don't think I'd feel comfortable dating a person who was already changed because I think I'd want to know who they were as well as who they are.

[markc]

I know a kid who was saying he was a girl (about age 5 to 10). He wore girls clothes. He now is clearly a boy and no longer wears girls clothes. And strangely he never looked comfortable in girls clothes. Don't know what was going on there.

Ah, that reminds me: when I was about that age, one year on my birthday I told my mom I wanted a doll as a gift. I saw a cute doll in a store and wanted that one. No one responded anything; absolute silence, and I didn't get anything.

Anyway. There's no point to my response. I just think if a child makes these decisions they should try to wait because there are also a lot of people who are saying they made a mistake and are now more damaged. If an adult decides then that's their choice and their choice shouldn't affect others.

Yes, this is a big decision, can't take it lightly. I read a news in Taiwan long ago about a young man wanting to be a woman for the wrong reason--"I want to be cared and cherished, like what a woman would get." He went to Thailand for the surgery cause it was cheaper--but cheaper means bad quality. They basically just castrated him. His physical appearance became "strange" and he regretted it; it seemed he never really saw himself as a woman. Sadly, turning a woman into a man is way easier, turning a man into a woman is pretty much irreversible. I'm sorry for him.

If my husband became a woman, I don't think I'd mind lol. But that's probably because I know there isn't an ounce of woman in him. I don't think I'd feel comfortable dating a person who was already changed because I think I'd want to know who they were as well as who they are.

I've seen some cases personally. When I was a Ph.D. student I teaching assisted a professor in a class on sexuality. He invited a couple to be the guest speakers. They are both women in their 60s; one is the husband, who had children with the partner before going through the surgery to become a woman. The wife stayed with her simply because she loved her "husband." They were very candid and answered every question. They said they never had sex anymore, as the wife was heterosexual.

[Failed Prophecy]

It will be interesting to see how the church deals with this in the next few decades..

I doubt you will have to wait that long. See: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXVL5AYQ8dY

I think the LDS church has already changed its policies vis-a-vis transgender people. If even Jacob Hansen can spot it, it's probably a done deal.

[Imwashingmypirate]

I know a kid who was saying he was a girl (about age 5 to 10). He wore girls clothes. He now is clearly a boy and no longer wears girls clothes. And strangely he never looked comfortable in girls clothes. Don't know what was going on there.

Ah, that reminds me: when I was about that age, one year on my birthday I told my mom I wanted a doll as a gift. I saw a cute doll in a store and wanted that one. No one responded anything; absolute silence, and I didn't get anything.

Anyway. There's no point to my response. I just think if a child makes these decisions they should try to wait because there are also a lot of people who are saying they made a mistake and are now more damaged. If an adult decides then that's their choice and their choice shouldn't affect others.

Yes, this is a big decision, can't take it lightly. I read a news in Taiwan long ago about a young man wanting to be a woman for the wrong reason--"I want to be cared and cherished, like what a woman would get." He went to Thailand for the surgery cause it was cheaper--but cheaper means bad quality. They basically just castrated him. His physical appearance became "strange" and he regretted it; it seemed he never really saw himself as a woman. Sadly, turning a woman into a man is way easier, turning a man into a woman is pretty much irreversible. I'm sorry for him.

If my husband became a woman, I don't think I'd mind lol. But that's probably because I know there isn't an ounce of woman in him. I don't think I'd feel comfortable dating a person who was already changed because I think I'd want to know who they were as well as who they are.

I've seen some cases personally. When I was a Ph.D. student I teaching assisted a professor in a class on sexuality. He invited a couple to be the guest speakers. They are both women in their 60s; one is the husband, who had children with the partner before going through the surgery to become a woman. The wife stayed with her simply because she loved her "husband." They were very candid and answered every question. They said they never had sex anymore, as the wife was heterosexual.

I don't get toys being marketed to genders. My brother played with prams and he didn't turn into a girl. My daughter loves power rangers. She's very much into boys things, has always enjoyed toy vehicles. But she loves pretty dresses and makeup and glitter. She is a girly girl and a tomboy all rolled into one amazing, full of life character. She hasn't been inhibited and has been allowed to enjoy both "gender stereotyped toys".

That is so sad about the Taiwan news story. So terribly sad. Sad even before he had the operation because how lacking of love did he have to be to believe only females were entitled to that kind of comfort.

[Imwashingmypirate]

It will be interesting to see how the church deals with this in the next few decades..

I doubt you will have to wait that long. See: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXVL5AYQ8dY

I think the LDS church has already changed its policies vis-a-vis transgender people. If even Jacob Hansen can spot it, it's probably a done deal.

The video is interesting. I watched half while reading some of the comments. It poses to me the question about the pre existence. Where gender is an important part of who we were before this life on Earth and how we apparently agreed to our life before coming to it. How does that fit with people believing they have been born in the wrong body? I do believe some people are. Especially those with genetic variations that provide something is different with their chromosomes and also those with hormone imbalances. But if we are supposed to have chosen our paths and we were already assigned genders in the pre existence, then what went wrong?

[sock puppet]

Our manner of speaking emphasizes, in my view over-emphasizes, gender. "You're a good boy." Is he good just as a boy, or would he also qualify in the speaker's view as a good person too? Why not just say, "you're good"? Our speech habits and patterns categorize us by gender even when the sentence has nothing to do with gender. That is why I say we over-emphasize gender all the time.

Perhaps wanting a male and female to mate was once, in human history, important to procreate and propel the species forward. Today, there are more people on the planet (about 7.88 billion) than the planet can sustain in the way in which we've become accustomed to living. For example, use of petroleum products was not such a problem when there were only say 1 or 2 billion people on the planet. We don't need population growth, so we don't need societal pushes to mate up, male and female, to create offspring (that's part of the problem). But we persist to constantly refer with gender-based pronouns. For the planet and the future of the human race, perhaps we ought to be applauding those that are not adding to the problems by making more babies.

M. Butterfly and the movie Victor, Victoria both explored gender misidentification. They are thought-provoking. But again, this emphasis on gender in contexts where procreation is completely beside the point.

There's quite the irony however. Many of those that think the state ought to step in and prevent children from being administered hormone and other treatments and/or having surgical changes re gender, an exercise of in parentis loci, seem to be adamant that the state stay out of vaccinating children whose parents have not had their children vaccinated--thank you--not, Jenny McCarthy--teaching sex ed, or providing contraceptives to kids--also exercises of in parentis loci. It's just whose ox is being gored, no true principled approaches. I've heard such individuals cite that some who have had gender changing treatments/surgeries regretting it later. Well, I've heard of many that got pregnant as teens regretting that too--but that doesn't seem to compel the notion that the state ought to get involved in sex ed and providing condoms. (by the way, in the last 35 years, The Netherlands has taken a very active role in sex ed and providing condoms at schools with those age 13 and older, and the rate of UNWANTED pregnancies is only 26% of what it was when they first started doing something about it. The U.S. ought to sit up and take notice--if we're serious about reducing abortions, how about reduce the need, i.e., take steps to reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies.)

The obstetrician when I was born made the decision--without consulting my parents--to circumscribe me. I was mutilated without any showing on my part that I did not want foreskin. This is something I wish hadn't been done to me. I don't regret it because I wasn't even involved in the decision. But my genitalia was mutilated and as a result I have less sexual sensitivity than if I had my foreskin. Why does our society permit that? Where's the outcry from the transgender-phobic?

Back to our incessant use of gender pronouns in contexts where gender is completely irrelevant. Why the emphasis? Why does it persist?

Given this inconsistency, I'm left with the abiding opinion that those who want the state out of vaccinating children, teaching sex ed, or providing contraceptives to kids, but want the state to step in and protect the children from parents who would authorize gender changing treatments are simply driven by their bias against transgender. Why would they feel threatened by the existence of transgender people in society? I do not know. Transgender is a classification, but is it one that is needed by society? or is it a way to have a whipping boy (see--I did it, not a 'whipping person') in the same way Hitler's rise to power needed to have a scape goat (no gender denoted) of the Jewish people, so that by contrast there would be a superior, Aryan race? Does putting down transgender people make the bigots feel superior?

[Res Ipsa]

Beautiful essay. Thanks for sharing it.

[markc]

Our manner of speaking emphasizes, in my view over-emphasizes, gender. "You're a good boy." Is he good just as a boy, or would he also qualify in the speaker's view as a good person too? Why not just say, "you're good"? Our speech habits and patterns categorize us by gender even when the sentence has nothing to do with gender. That is why I say we over-emphasize gender all the time.

Perhaps wanting a male and female to mate was once, in human history, important to procreate and propel the species forward. Today, there are more people on the planet (about 7.88 billion) than the planet can sustain in the way in which we've become accustomed to living. For example, use of petroleum products was not such a problem when there were only say 1 or 2 billion people on the planet. We don't need population growth, so we don't need societal pushes to mate up, male and female, to create offspring (that's part of the problem). But we persist to constantly refer with gender-based pronouns. For the planet and the future of the human race, perhaps we ought to be applauding those that are not adding to the problems by making more babies.

M. Butterfly and the movie Victor, Victoria both explored gender misidentification. They are thought-provoking. But again, this emphasis on gender in contexts where procreation is completely beside the point.

There's quite the irony however. Many of those that think the state ought to step in and prevent children from being administered hormone and other treatments and/or having surgical changes re gender, an exercise of in parentis loci, seem to be adamant that the state stay out of vaccinating children whose parents have not had their children vaccinated--thank you--not, Jenny McCarthy--teaching sex ed, or providing contraceptives to kids--also exercises of in parentis loci. It's just whose ox is being gored, no true principled approaches. I've heard such individuals cite that some who have had gender changing treatments/surgeries regretting it later. Well, I've heard of many that got pregnant as teens regretting that too--but that doesn't seem to compel the notion that the state ought to get involved in sex ed and providing condoms. (by the way, in the last 35 years, The Netherlands has taken a very active role in sex ed and providing condoms at schools with those age 13 and older, and the rate of UNWANTED pregnancies is only 26% of what it was when they first started doing something about it. The U.S. ought to sit up and take notice--if we're serious about reducing abortions, how about reduce the need, i.e., take steps to reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies.)

The obstetrician when I was born made the decision--without consulting my parents--to circumscribe me. I was mutilated without any showing on my part that I did not want foreskin. This is something I wish hadn't been done to me. I don't regret it because I wasn't even involved in the decision. But my genitalia was mutilated and as a result I have less sexual sensitivity than if I had my foreskin. Why does our society permit that? Where's the outcry from the transgender-phobic?

Back to our incessant use of gender pronouns in contexts where gender is completely irrelevant. Why the emphasis? Why does it persist?

Given this inconsistency, I'm left with the abiding opinion that those who want the state out of vaccinating children, teaching sex ed, or providing contraceptives to kids, but want the state to step in and protect the children from parents who would authorize gender changing treatments are simply driven by their bias against transgender. Why would they feel threatened by the existence of transgender people in society? I do not know. Transgender is a classification, but is it one that is needed by society? or is it a way to have a whipping boy (see--I did it, not a 'whipping person') in the same way Hitler's rise to power needed to have a scape goat (no gender denoted) of the Jewish people, so that by contrast there would be a superior, Aryan race? Does putting down transgender people make the bigots feel superior?

You speak the truth, sir/madam.

[markc]

Beautiful essay. Thanks for sharing it.

Thanks, I truly appreciate your kind words, it means a lot to me.