Perils of Being a Mormosphere Influencer
Posted: Thu Dec 18, 2025 3:42 pm
TLDR: My thoughts after having been unfriended on Facebook by an LDS academic at BYU with whom I have had a long, positive association.
I could also call this, "Perils of Being an Influencer," but I am most concerned with the Mormon angle here. Something I have long noticed, not only in myself but in others, is that online discussion is difficult, and few people there be who are sufficiently patient, cautious, and thick-skinned to do it well. This sad truth is glaringly noticeable in the online Mormosphere, where the niceness of LDS people--notice I am not saying goodness--that is often studiously adhered to in the wardhouse (outside of basketball competitions, of course) shows its gaping cracks.
Now, I am no exception to this. I don't really do it that well. And, I have chosen this place to let it all hang out, so to speak. I have been at my worst here, and sometimes I have been at my best here (if positive reactions to what I have written on occasion can be trusted). But, dammit, I have tried to be better, and sometimes I see in my posts a better me, whom I would love to be able to be all the time. Maybe then I would be a sage.
Outside of this rough-and-tumble zone of free speech--and it really is better than most other fora in that way, regardless of the carping of people who sit here and complain about it endlessly and perfectly freely--I need to be more careful, and I would like to think I more frequently succeed. I have been more careless about political conversations, but I am really tired of the endless viciousness of partisan fighting. So, I am much more careful about what I say in the social media sphere, not least because I really could lose my job if the wrong people decided to have a beef with me over it.
But it really gets me how ugly Mormosphere Facebook often is. I have to wonder if it is even possible for it not to be ugly. There is something about the LDS community that seems to require that in-person, surface-level niceness that so many disillusioned-LDS and ex-LDS critics interpret to be hypocrisy. Absent that, you see a lot of the worst in Mormons. The tribalism, the persecution complex, the self-righteousness, the attacks on perceived critics, the narcissism, the boundary maintenance bullying--it's all there, and it feels almost unrelenting. And I am not sure that it is just a function of individual flaws.
The problem, as I see it, is that we are all keen to go after each other when we have the room to do so without risking being punched in the face. No harm, no foul, so we think. But what happens in fact is that not only do people more regularly attack and criticize others, but people are more liable to see others attacking them in comments that are made, even when no intention to attack or criticize exists. What seems to be required to avoid this is a whole bunch of rhetorical peace gesturing that very carefully lays out the intention of the comment and stipulates precisely how it is to be read. It's very much like a little ritual process that makes it possible to enter your distant neighbor's property without having the dogs called on you or getting buckshot in your rear end.
What we see, whether it is among ex-Mormons, Mormons, or Mormon-interested folk, is a lot of thin-skinned, hair-trigger posting and banning. So much drama. I am reaching the end of my desire to participate in it. My patriarchal blessing--which, yes, I still value--cautioned me to "be aware of the circumstances in which (I) live." Before now, I did not think of that as applying to my online activities, but now I think that may be the case. Should I be hanging out in places where people routinely treat each other abominably, criticize each other, attack each other, stir up drama? I am starting to think, "no."
What brought me here to make these comments today was being unfriended, maybe blocked, on Facebook by an LDS academic at BYU with whom I have had a long, positive association. From my point of view, it seemed like my comments were welcome whenever I was responding in the "attaboy" mode. If ever I disagreed with this person or made a comment that might not be viewed as unambiguously supportive, as soon as the person noticed, they hopped into Facebook messenger to ask why I was being a "prick." I found the whole thing kind of baffling. This person has recently embarked on a personal mission to take on critics and people with unorthodox religious views. The predictable results have been disappointing. This is when I started to chime in, basically to say that we should strive to listen to our better angels in these situations, and for that I was called prick and then, I am guessing, eventually unfriended or blocked.
The first time I was called a prick, the person rushed to their wall with blanket mea culpas about how big a struggle it is to carry on these online discussions, basically to say that they wished they had been a bigger person. Oh well! My last offense was basically identical to the first. In neither case did I unambiguously call out the influencer personally. Rather, I guess I caused the person to consider how my comments might apply to them, and they did not like the conclusion that they drew. What is that old Mormon saw about the wicked and the truth? I kid because I love. And, we can say that this is about the dangers of Mopologetics, but then I have seen the same problem among the ex-Mormon influencers. Something in the ideology? Something in humanity? I dunno for sure, but it is wearing thin.
Anyhow, if you have reached this point, congrats for your patience and stamina.
I could also call this, "Perils of Being an Influencer," but I am most concerned with the Mormon angle here. Something I have long noticed, not only in myself but in others, is that online discussion is difficult, and few people there be who are sufficiently patient, cautious, and thick-skinned to do it well. This sad truth is glaringly noticeable in the online Mormosphere, where the niceness of LDS people--notice I am not saying goodness--that is often studiously adhered to in the wardhouse (outside of basketball competitions, of course) shows its gaping cracks.
Now, I am no exception to this. I don't really do it that well. And, I have chosen this place to let it all hang out, so to speak. I have been at my worst here, and sometimes I have been at my best here (if positive reactions to what I have written on occasion can be trusted). But, dammit, I have tried to be better, and sometimes I see in my posts a better me, whom I would love to be able to be all the time. Maybe then I would be a sage.
Outside of this rough-and-tumble zone of free speech--and it really is better than most other fora in that way, regardless of the carping of people who sit here and complain about it endlessly and perfectly freely--I need to be more careful, and I would like to think I more frequently succeed. I have been more careless about political conversations, but I am really tired of the endless viciousness of partisan fighting. So, I am much more careful about what I say in the social media sphere, not least because I really could lose my job if the wrong people decided to have a beef with me over it.
But it really gets me how ugly Mormosphere Facebook often is. I have to wonder if it is even possible for it not to be ugly. There is something about the LDS community that seems to require that in-person, surface-level niceness that so many disillusioned-LDS and ex-LDS critics interpret to be hypocrisy. Absent that, you see a lot of the worst in Mormons. The tribalism, the persecution complex, the self-righteousness, the attacks on perceived critics, the narcissism, the boundary maintenance bullying--it's all there, and it feels almost unrelenting. And I am not sure that it is just a function of individual flaws.
The problem, as I see it, is that we are all keen to go after each other when we have the room to do so without risking being punched in the face. No harm, no foul, so we think. But what happens in fact is that not only do people more regularly attack and criticize others, but people are more liable to see others attacking them in comments that are made, even when no intention to attack or criticize exists. What seems to be required to avoid this is a whole bunch of rhetorical peace gesturing that very carefully lays out the intention of the comment and stipulates precisely how it is to be read. It's very much like a little ritual process that makes it possible to enter your distant neighbor's property without having the dogs called on you or getting buckshot in your rear end.
What we see, whether it is among ex-Mormons, Mormons, or Mormon-interested folk, is a lot of thin-skinned, hair-trigger posting and banning. So much drama. I am reaching the end of my desire to participate in it. My patriarchal blessing--which, yes, I still value--cautioned me to "be aware of the circumstances in which (I) live." Before now, I did not think of that as applying to my online activities, but now I think that may be the case. Should I be hanging out in places where people routinely treat each other abominably, criticize each other, attack each other, stir up drama? I am starting to think, "no."
What brought me here to make these comments today was being unfriended, maybe blocked, on Facebook by an LDS academic at BYU with whom I have had a long, positive association. From my point of view, it seemed like my comments were welcome whenever I was responding in the "attaboy" mode. If ever I disagreed with this person or made a comment that might not be viewed as unambiguously supportive, as soon as the person noticed, they hopped into Facebook messenger to ask why I was being a "prick." I found the whole thing kind of baffling. This person has recently embarked on a personal mission to take on critics and people with unorthodox religious views. The predictable results have been disappointing. This is when I started to chime in, basically to say that we should strive to listen to our better angels in these situations, and for that I was called prick and then, I am guessing, eventually unfriended or blocked.
The first time I was called a prick, the person rushed to their wall with blanket mea culpas about how big a struggle it is to carry on these online discussions, basically to say that they wished they had been a bigger person. Oh well! My last offense was basically identical to the first. In neither case did I unambiguously call out the influencer personally. Rather, I guess I caused the person to consider how my comments might apply to them, and they did not like the conclusion that they drew. What is that old Mormon saw about the wicked and the truth? I kid because I love. And, we can say that this is about the dangers of Mopologetics, but then I have seen the same problem among the ex-Mormon influencers. Something in the ideology? Something in humanity? I dunno for sure, but it is wearing thin.
Anyhow, if you have reached this point, congrats for your patience and stamina.