Fake Book of Mormon Geography -- holes in the script

[Shulem]

I, NEPHI, DID BUILD A TEMPLE




Fantasy Mormonism for dummies are like cartoons for adults who refuse to grow up!

[Shulem]

Let us depart from Laman & Lemuel and set out to build a great stone temple unto the Lord after the manner of Solomon's temple in Jerusalem.

Follow me Sam, Jacob, Joseph, Zoram, and Lamanite stragglers. Do not murmur or show ingratitude. Each of you children will work yourselves to the bone for the rest of your lives cutting stone and transporting them so that your uncles can lift them, one by one to raise the walls of the new temple.

The sisters will bring you food when they are worthy and not bound by Moses's law of an unclean woman. Let them use lamb's wool to pad their privates.

Do not murmur!




O Lord, our family will cut and prepare thousands of stones to be brought to this sacred location wherein we can set them up to build thy walls, O Lord, and rear up a mighty house after the manner of Solomon's temple.

Hear me, O Lord, surely we will build thine house!





Grandfather, grandfather, Jacob sent me to tell you the temple is completed and you must come dedicate it to the Lord.





Oh my fuc*king back hurts.

[Doctor CamNC4Me]

Over there, Sam!

Good, Lord. Apparently the Nephites were proficient in the manufacture and use of styrofoam bricks.

- Doc

[Shulem]

Over there, Sam!

Good, Lord. Apparently the Nephites were proficient in the manufacture and use of styrofoam bricks.

- Doc

Please note that the oldest man in the photo has to be bald Sam because he was the eldest. Suppose that's Nephi on top of the block with him to the left and standing along side them is their younger brothers, Jacob & Joseph and shirtless Zoram bowed down with a hurt knee. So tell me, Doctor CamNC4Me, who are the guys down on the lower level sending up the stone?

[Doctor CamNC4Me]

Those were the lower deck hands from the good ship I.N.S. Navad. No mention of them, of course.

- Doc

[Shulem]

Those were the lower deck hands from the good ship I.N.S. Navad. No mention of them, of course.

- Doc

When Nephi and his brother Sam left Jerusalem they were young men. Jacob and Joseph were born in the wilderness during the 8 year sojourn prior to Nephi building his ship and sailing the ocean blue. So, by the time Nephi got to the Americas he was probably in his mid 20's or thereabouts. The next marker in the Book of Mormon is 2 Nephi 5:28, wherein Nephi notes 30 years had passed since having left Jerusalem which accounts for little more than 20 years in the New World. At that point, Nephi had already appointed his younger brethren to be priests, mentions how the Lamanite skins had turn dark with blackness, and Nephites were industrious and at constant labor, more especially in completing their most important project, the temple.

How is it that these young families accomplished so much when they were so few in number? Smith screwed up in telling his story. The Book of Mormon has become more like a fairy tale! Smith should have allowed several generations to grow and build a civilization before introducing the Solomon Temple story. It simply came too early. The characters in the story were not ready to cut, transport, and lay stone on that kind of scale.

[Doctor CamNC4Me]

Isn't there something about another family or two tagging along? Intermarriage? Its been so long since I've read the Book of Mormon I don't recall. In fact, just skimming over the verses you've posted reminded me of just how bad, and I mean bad the Book of Mormon reads. To call it sophomoric would be to actually elevate its readability.

[Shulem]

Isn't there something about another family or two tagging along? Intermarriage? Its been so long since I've read the Book of Mormon I don't recall. In fact, just skimming over the verses you've posted reminded me of just how bad, and I mean bad the Book of Mormon reads. To call it sophomoric would be to actually elevate its readability.

YOU'RE RIGHT!!

How could I have forgotten that? In all my bluster, I forgot about ISHMAEL and his wife AND they had 5 daughters and 2 sons if I read that right.

Oh God. Now I have to go back and fix my bloody posts or I'll look like an idiot. Nobody is going to believe a damn thing I say from here on out.



But still, the numbers are too few for a stone building society. The boys just had extra girls to screw and make babies with but those babies were too young to do much of anything but eat and cause trouble.

[Shulem]

And, based on the fact that the Ishmael family was partying hard on the ship while coming across the ocean and that both sons of Ishmael were rebellious against Nephi it stands to reason they went with Laman & Lemuel.

13 And it came to pass that not many days after his death, Laman and Lemuel and the sons of Ishmael were angry with me because of the admonitions of the Lord.

[Moksha]

"Oy, Boychick! Why don't we hire some Algonquin from up north for this heavy stuff?"
Let's take a mikvah and drink an egg creme.