Yes, it's been a very, very long ride with Rosebud on this forum. When she doxxed herself here, I gave her my best professional opinion, ex-tbm woman to ex-tbm woman, and now that stuff is indexed (thank you Gadianton, Dr. Moore, mods, Shades, and all others!!!), I found the post.Doctor CamNC4Me wrote: ↑Fri Oct 01, 2021 7:43 pmI think SV makes a fair point, as it relates to me personally, about Mormonism. I was ready to dip on the faith when I was a teen, but brainwashed myself back into a faithful narrative primarily due to social and familial obligations. I managed to stay in long enough to make a catastrophically bad decision to marry in the temple post-mission. I just didn’t have the internal courage to have and enforce boundaries until my mid-twenties, where I went inactive and then at 30 finally resign once I saw others were thinking and feeling what I was - shout out to recoveryfrommormonism.org.
Where I disagree with SV and align with Lemmie is Rosebud had a fairly sympathetic ear on this site until she decided to play games with regard to the claims she was making, to be wholly narcissistic, to ignore some excellent advice from people who were acting in good faith, and to determinedly destroy her personal and professional reputation by waging a Glenn Closian campaign against a dude over a fairly tepid affair. It was and is bonkers, and I don’t believe the board’s interactions with her had much to do with ex-Mormons being self-unaware and judgmental. The judgementalism was mostly post-facto our years-long interactions with her.
- Doc
edit: removed the ‘e’ from judgmentalism *tip o’ the cap to the qultist*
Note the date on this comment, four and a half YEARS ago:
_Lemmie wrote: ↑Thu May 25, 2017 9:06 pmoh boy. Fell free to tell me to **** off, but, speaking as a woman with a BIC- tbm background who has gone through this process of extricating oneself from lds influences, may I say that going forward, you will want to have a professional footprint that can be taken seriously. It is nice, as candygal said, to get to know each other, but linking your in real life professional data with the type of posts you leave here does NOT help your professional image.Rosebud wrote:
http://[in real life link]Right. Since 2011, yes? Get it done. Sorry to be so abrupt, and I know it's not fair but you are not setting yourself up for a future where you are taken seriously as a professional woman if you continue to publicly wallow in this. I am totally sympathetic to the long period of time it takes to get over stuff like this, but think about your professional image and work on yourself in private, maybe in a therapist's office.Rosebud wrote: ....there's something about me that makes me vulnerable. My vulnerability is my problem, but to some extent, it comes from Mormonism. I've started to sort that out...
Come on. Again, I know you won't like this unsympathetic stance, but as a grown woman how professionally do you think you will be treated if you continue, for years and in public, to lament over the "power" a "charismatic leader" has had over you during your adult years? Plenty of women, post-Mormon or not, find themselves enjoying a community with no need for a dependence on any sort of leader. That you define a community in terms like that is still that old Mormon way of thinking.Rosebud wrote:I'm really pissed that all these transitioning Mormons, who I care about, run into John Dehlin first thing (and his female counterparts) and get sucked into a new set of problems that is a repeat of the trauma they're trying to escape. Over the last 5 years I've seen such positive development and a maturing of the post-Mo community. I'd like it to develop beyond its dependence on its charismatic leader.Or, radical idea, be your own solid, grounded leader. I understand the Mormon background in this process, but professionally, you just come across as never getting over the need to keep looking for a man to pull your life together for you. You're an adult. Pull your own life together!I've resigned all my positions. If I ever get back into any projects, it will be with one of the few solid, grounded leaders. They're harder to find because they're not screaming from mountaintops as often.There are thousands. You don't need one just for Mormon transitioning because although it feels so unique to you, it's really not a unique problem at all. See a psychiatrist or therapist and discuss the various options you have for learning how to finish growing up.Rosebud wrote:Maybe someone needs to put together a blueprint for not being deceived by the creeps in the transitioning Mormon landscape.Again, no offense, but we are talking about adults, right? Not helpless children. I empathize because I went through all of this myself, but honestly, you have to do the work yourself. No one is obligated to protect you from life.Now I'm just frightened for new members of his communities....
The church creates a dependent people, disappoints them, then abandons them to these jerks and very few seem to safely navigate the weeds. I certainly didn't. But what can the church do to protect people from John Dehlin besides what they've already done?
I know I sound harsh, but it's still not a clear sailing path for professional women to be taken seriously. I went through my similar battle while attending graduate school in Manhattan. Talk about out of the frying pan into the fire. :rolleyes: You just have to grit your teeth and grow the hell up, as fast as you can, all the while behaving as professionally as possible.
And last, you have to present yourself in the best light you can. It's not fair, I know, but there are still plenty of people who will discriminate based on gender. You can't fix each one, or run out of the room crying every time, or vow revenge online in traceable posts or you will never get any work done. You just have to personally hold yourself to the highest standard you can, and then ignore the rest. Assume virtually no one in the professional world wants to hear you discuss your gender-related vulnerabilities, and just let them know you can do the job. Period. Whatever your gender.Really? He still has that much power over you that you feel you need to demonstrate publicly that you have an effect on him?I have posted different things here at different times to have a different affect on John Dehlin
Anyway, just consider this post my approach to how to have a professional life, as a woman, after growing up in what I consider to have been a cult-like environment. I'm not trying to tell you how I want you to be, as you mentioned in a recent post to me, it's just irritating to see a woman go on and on like this so I am sharing how the process worked for me.
