The Lost first Draft of Romney's Israel Speech

[_MeDotOrg]

Thank you all for coming today.

You know, I have a lot in common with the Israelites. You call your homeland ‘Zion’, and I call Utah ‘Zion’! You’ve got a Dead Sea, and we’ve got the Great Salt Lake! You call everyone else ‘gentiles’, and so do Mormons! Isn’t that wonderful?

Just like you, we were thrown out of our homeland. Well, not thrown out, but we suffered, just like you did. We moved to Mexico! And we had no air conditioning! Boy, was it hot! And let me tell you, St. George in August is no picnic either.

I like your trees here, they’re all the right size. Not like Lebanon or Syria. More like Michigan.

And you know those tribes you lost? We found them!

I’m a great friend of Jewish People, especially Sheldon Adelson. When I had the Olympics in Salt Lake City, no Jewish athletes were killed! And unlike London, we made the trains run on time, the hallmark of good government!

Thank you for being such a great friend of the United States and Capitalism! Now I’ve got to go visit something called a kibbutz.