Twighlight.

[_Seven]

Eric Snyder does it again with his rejected screenplay for "New Moon"

ROTFL!
Eric Snyder is so talented. That was awesome. :D I sent the link to some of my Twilight obsessed family hoping they can find some humor in it. eek. I hope it doesn't offend. (they don't know how I feel about the movies)

Another funny part of reading Eric's piece, is that the real screenplay would read like a parody too.

[_Bond James Bond]

Twilight < True Blood < Pretty good < Sports in general

My mom recently crossed to the darkside concerning Twlight...my girlfriend has resided there for a long time on this issue. My dad is contemplating reading these books because he has "nothing to read"...I delivered Brave New World, Grapes of Wrath, For Whom the Bell Tolls, The Jungle, and Lord of the Rings to help him.

Really if you want to read such poorly written (also...where's the plot? C'mon. Harry Potter didn't set the world on fire for literary style but at least it was an amusing story) stuff then go to a fan fiction sight and read the stuff marked:

"PG-13...later chapters R with possible slash. Haven't decided yet if Orlando and Johnny are going to get out of the dungeon and save Elizabeth or finally will give in to their mutual hotness for each other. If I get past chapter 2 that is. Tee hee. E/Joseph Smith, E/WT, poss WT/Joseph Smith".

[_Imwashingmypirate]

I watched New Moon last night at the cinema. It was ok actually, better than the first one. But the third has some more action in it. I wasn't at all a fan of Twilight series but all of my friends are in love with it. It was actually a male that asked me to go see it with him because he really wanted to watch it, I wasn't too enthusiastic about it, but I was surprised it wasn't too bad. I think Jacob is nice but you can see Edward is made to look like he deeply loves her. I also watched Paranormal Activity which was released here last night. It was incredibly slow and boring.

[_EAllusion]

I cannot stress enough that I was dead serious when I described Twilight as on par with fan fiction. As it happens, my experience wit fan fiction is fairly limited, but it seems perfectly to fit within that experience. As New Moon's blockbuster numbers gives me more exposure to commentary on Twilight, I see that this is a relatively common observation. Go figure. Now I know what a Mary Sue is.

This is unmitigated awesome:

http://markreadstwilight.buzznet.com/us ... od=2009-08

[_The Nehor]

I despise these books. When the hype started I read the first one to see what it was about. I edit for a living. I had to resist the impulse to start marking up the book with comments to help. Whoever edited this book should not be in this profession. They need to be flipping burgers. If I submitted something with half as many egregious errors as this I would expect to be laughed at and then fired for gross incompetence.

Some things I would have written:

"There are different ways to draw your writer into the story. Great writers show instead of telling. Good writers both show and tell. Passable writers show only occasionally and tell a lot. Bad writers just tell. Writers whose hands should be broken to prevent them ever writing again dispense with things like plot, conflict, character development, and anything at all happening in their book and replace them with chapters of a vapid girl mooning over a sparkly abusive man."
"Entire chapter is pretentious, rewrite."
"It's supposed to be a sexual metaphor; you don't have to make it sound like she is orgasming whenever she sees his dreamy eyes. Less is more."
"Grammar, learn it and then use it."
"You are not allowed to use the word dazzle more then once a chapter; three times a page is a crime against your readers."
"Something cannot be both swift and hesitant."
"I find your obsession with rape metaphors disturbing."
"I find your obsession with your hero blaming the heroine for causing your rape metaphors even more disturbing."
"The key element of fiction is to have some kind of conflict. Please add at least one."
"Your heroine is a submissive weakling to anyone who tries to control her and acts like a manipulative jerk to anyone nice to her. Please correct."
"Your hero is a controlling freak who reads everyone's minds (mental rape) to manipulate them. Yes, I realize he can break her in a heartbeat. Every cat I've held I could kill in less then a second if I wanted to. It is crass to talk like that about cats. The creepiness is increased by an order of magnitude when directed at a romantic partner."
"Nothing happened in the last 100 pages, please remove to shorten novel."
"Sparkle????????? Like a second grade art project? WTF?"
"Your hero eats mountain lions? Have you thought this through at all?"
"Vampire baseball? Why? Just....why?"
"Uses her favorite search engine? There is only one general use search engine around. It was also the only one there when the book was published. It's called Google, Mrs. Myers. She types in "vampire" and is surprised when such a useless term doesn't help. She at least should have added sparkly to the search term. Huh. I guess I should show some leniency because for once the clueless moron did something for herself without dreamy Edward there to hold her down or point out that he could break her like a twig."

The girl is a jerk to everyone in school, all of whom are unfailingly nice to her. When the guys try to show interest she manipulates and uses them. The only person she is interested in is the one who is rude and obnoxious to her and she reciprocates. She treats her father (her only caregiver) cruelly and throws into his face every failing in his life to crush his spirit because she has to run away because she and her boyfriend are idiots. She is turned on by stalkerish behavior including having a guy outside her window stare at her for 8 HOURS while she sleeps. This is someone who wants to EAT her. This is a stupid, stupid girl. This girl should not be allowed out in public.

Then, to top it off Stephanie Meyer said this about Bella:

“I brought a few things I’d experienced and added them in later but really Bella’s like 100% more mature than I was at that age."

Words fail...........

I could chronicle Edward's stalking, blaming Bella for his actions until she blames herself, endless statements of superiority, badmouthing of everyone else in Bella's life (especially other guys), and endless smelling.

You could rename this book "How to Spot an Unhealthy relationship:A metaphor of Abusive Men and the Women who Love Them" or "Narcissistic Serial Cannibal and the Bitch-Queen from Hell: a Tragedy" or my personal favorite: "crappy Vampire fan-fiction written by a Vampire the Masquerade LARPer"

I'm an amateur historian and have read a lot of accounts about women through history. I have read Victorian, Medieval, Roman, and other texts on how women should conduct themselves and be treated. Few are more misogynistic then this book. To be fair though, the hero in her book is equally stereotyped and a bad collection of the absolute worst of masculinity. At least she is equal opportunity I guess.

I expect that there is something in these books that appeals to the darker sexuality of women. Men have a darker side there too and it is good to examine these things (carefully). Fiction and the world of metaphor is a good medium to do it in. When you do this, DON'T GLAMORIZE IT. Thinking about it more, Edward is probably the poster child for some dark male fantasies. He dominates, is violent, controls, manipulates, and alienates the girl from everyone else so she idolizes him. She takes responsibility for his negative actions so can do no wrong in her eyes. He makes himself into her god and she loves every minute of it. Kinda scary.

I like the Vampire. They're fantastic creatures of horror. I think Joss Whedon used them well. I didn't like Anne Rice's vampires. I actually liked the setting and mythos Vampire: the Masquerade created but most of the writers were awful. I admire Bram Stoker for bringing them into the public view but don't think his book is that good.

Stephanie Meyer may have ruined them for some time and for that I hate her books.

[_EAllusion]

If you can handle the language Nehor, then you should read this one in particular: http://markreadstwilight.buzznet.com/us ... chapter-7/

Until I read others talking about Twilight a lot, I didn't get something. It's kind of of embarrassing, as its obvious in retrospect. Twilight has a creepy core. Sure, I got that. The relationship is oppressive, sexist, and essentially a stereotype of domestic abuse. The lead is a manipulative, hateful shrew and her interest is a stalking, emotionally abusive control freak. It's as though someone with borderline and dependent personality disorder got together. Reading it, I just saw bad writing and uneasy, repressed sexual fantasy. 'Cause that's what it is.

It now occurs to me that there are young teenage girls who idolize this as a beautiful romance. That's kind of disturbing. I'm not sure if that's a good influence on tween girls to be floating out there in the ether.

[_MsJack]

I picked up Breaking Dawn in the store one day and thumbed through it. Got to a part not too far into the book wherein it was the morning after Edward and Bella's honeymoon and they were having a fight. Bella was upset with Edward because the sex had been so rough, leaving her with bruises everywhere.

Oh. My. Gosh, I thought. Sure, I guess as a conservative Christian I ought to be giving the book props for the whole "waiting until marriage" thing, but the kids are reading that?! I really don't want pre-marital abstinence messages if they come joined at the hip with dark sadomasochistic sexual fantasies. Stephanie Meyer has a very sick mind. And why does her last name have to be so damn close to mine?

[_The Nehor]

I picked up Breaking Dawn in the store one day and thumbed through it. Got to a part not too far into the book wherein it was the morning after Edward and Bella's honeymoon and they were having a fight. Bella was upset with Edward because the sex had been so rough, leaving her with bruises everywhere.

Oh. My. Gosh, I thought. Sure, I guess as a conservative Christian I ought to be giving the book props for the whole "waiting until marriage" thing, but the kids are reading that?! I really don't want pre-marital abstinence messages if they come joined at the hip with dark sadomasochistic sexual fantasies. Stephanie Meyer has a very sick mind. And why does her last name have to be so damn close to mine?

You mean they get worse?

Rough sex can be fun but......if it's so bad she's bruised that makes her one of the following.

A) Submissive and weak-willed for going along with it despite the pain.
B) Whiny and passive-aggressive for enjoying it at the time and blaming the guy later.
C) A victim of sexual abuse
D) All of the Above.

By the way, I loved the Buffy and Edward video you showed at the top. I could not stop laughing. I watched the movie today. I only recommend it if, like me, you got the Rifftrax soundtrack and got to enjoy the wizards of MST3K mocking the characters the whole time. Comic gold.

EA, read the guys reading blog. Enjoyed it and I think I suffered an equal amount of pain. I probably should have written more about it as a method of catharsis.

[_Yoda]

I read part of "Breaking Dawn", too. My understanding was that it was Edward who was upset, not Bella. He was so much stronger than her because he was a vampire; he hurt her without meaning to. She didn't even know she had been bruised until he pointed it out to her.

I agree, though, that Stephanie Meyers' tale of vampires is "bubble gum vampire fare".

I chaperoned my nieces and nephews over the weekend who wanted to see "New Moon".

That had to be the most utter waste of time and money I have spent on a movie. It was fun hanging out with my tweeny nieces and nephews, though. I just wish it had been a better movie. I enjoyed watching the second "Transformers" movie on Blu Ray much more. LOL

[_MsJack]

Rough sex can be fun but......if it's so bad she's bruised that makes her one of the following.

Rough sex can be fun. I don't think rough sex on your wedding night when you're both virgins and one of you wants to eat the other (not in a sexy way) would be fun.

Sorry I got some of the details of the sex scenario wrong, Liz, although I still find it disturbing.