DiscussMormonism.com

Dr. Shades wrote:Or, if you want to keep it simple, just put her on speakerphone and continue going about your business.

Jersey Girl wrote:So...there was a discussion on another thread, the content doesn't really matter. Schmo said this:

I don't see a point in holding on to relationships with toxic people just because you happen to be related to them. Life's too short.

I understand what I think of as toxic people and yet, a situation has come up and I want to know if anyone thinks this falls into the category of "toxic".

Without divulging everything under the sun...this is all the same person.

1. A person who constantly tells you how bad their life sucks and expects you to commiserate and listen to them vent for hours.

2. A person who essentially only contacts you when they have a problem, which means all you ever hear from them are negative messages.

3. A person who obviously has come to believe that your life is a walk in the park simply because you choose not to dwell on the negative things in life and as they say, "accentuate the positive". That is to say, you hardly ever complain so they think your life is a steady stream of butterflies and ice cream cones or whatever. But, if they've been paying attention (and remember) they'd know otherwise.

4. A person, who when you recently got yet another message venting, didn't contact you for a week because you FAILED to accept the invitation to their pity party and instead, basically told them to at least try to enjoy the holiday weekend...4th...wishing them well!

5. A person who having experienced a different approach from you, contacts you a week later to basically tell you how ____ their life is and strongly imply that you don't understand even though you've been listening to the same ____ for years and commiserating, spending hours hearing them out and that sort of thing.

Yeah, sue me, I changed my behavior in response to theirs in an effort to disengage.

Does this sound like a toxic person or just someone who is self absorbed and looking for attention? I should add that this same person engages in "vague booking". You know the person who writes something on Facebook like "Oh my god this is the WORST day of my life!!!" so that their Facebook friends will rush in and inquire "What's going on?" "Are you okay?"

You know...middle school stuff.

I'm sure I'll regret this post. I don't think I care at the moment. I'm not sure this crosses the line into full on "toxic", but someone else's in real life input indicated they thought that it does.

Thanks if you'd like to contribute.

RockSlider wrote:This thread makes me feel guilty of the toxic person that I am.

Jersey Girl wrote:I actually found this over a week ago. It's been my new mantra since then.

Ceeboo wrote:Hey Rock - My friend!

RockSlider wrote:This thread makes me feel guilty of the toxic person that I am.

I think we can all be toxic at times. The difference, in my opinion, is that most of us are not constantly, continuously and only toxic.

Peace,
Ceeboo

Ceeboo wrote:Hey Jersey Girl!

I'm sorry, I won't contact you any more.

Some Schmo wrote:

Jersey Girl wrote:There needs to be some level of reciprocity. Of course there are situations that warrant a one-way listening ear. Death and medical emergencies would be my top two.

This is the crux of it for me. People who rarely complain get my undivided attention when something happens to them, because I know something really terrible must have happened for them to be upset.

Your point about advice is also spot on. When they bitch about a problem and don't take the obvious paths to attempting a fix, you know they want to wallow in their problems. The universe helps those who help themselves. These people don't want help. Complaining has become a hobby, and without it, they'd have nothing to occupy their minds.