Sex Before Marriage

[_DoubtingThomas]

DoubtingThomas, I feel like you skipped right over the most important issue EAllusion mentioned:

The reason it should concern you is that a 22 year old doing that has a high degree of likelihood seeking out someone that young to pursue an exploitative relationship. Maybe not, but you better perk your ears up if you are a competent parent at all.

this is the issue that for a parent should cause considerable and significant concern.

I agree it is concerning. Most 22 year olds don't go after 16 year olds because it is mostly not acceptable in the US, even if it is legal in your state. However, it doesn't mean a 22 year old can't possibly fall in love with a 16 year old. But like I said I will be very careful when I am a parent.

He also said, "I already allowed for the hypothetical possibility that such a relationship could be fine"

So me and EAllusion are in complete agreement, again.

[_EAllusion]

I'm not in complete agreement with you DT. Your argument that we should be more concerned with a 16 year old dating a 16 year old than a 22 year old because 22 year olds are more responsible is flat out crazy. This seems to skip right over my point that the sort of 22 year old who wants to date a 16 year old is way more likely to be a bad person than any old 22 year old. You're not going to be able to tell they are fine simply because of something like having an engineering degree. In fact, your best piece of evidence that they might be a garbage human being is the fact that they're interested in a 16 year old.

Again, this does not mean every relationship with that age gap is bad or involves malice, but no parent in their right mind isn't concerned when they find out their 16 year old is dating a 22 year old. There's a lot of development and experience that occurs in that 6 year gap.

To extend my analogy out further, saying you'll "be careful" as a parent is a little like saying you'll "be careful" when you do heroin. It's not that it can't go fine; it's that by the time you discover there's a problem, it might already be a big problem. You as a father aren't necessarily going to know if your high school sophomore is being groomed by Mr. College Senior in an abusive/exploitative relationship until it is too late.

Yes, this is a problem with all relationships and the solution here isn't enforced solitude, but that's why you should focus on my point that 22 year olds dating 16 year olds is a risky pool of people. It's like finding out that your daughter's new boyfriend just got out of rehab for his crack addiction.

[Guest]

I'm not in complete agreement with you DoubtingThomas. Your argument that we should be more concerned with a 16 year old dating a 16 year old than a 22 year old because 22 year olds are more responsible is flat out crazy. This seems to skip right over my point that the sort of 22 year old who wants to date a 16 year old is way more likely to be a bad person than any old 22 year old. You're not going to be able to tell they are fine simply because of something like having an engineering degree.

It was just an idea that came to my mind, I am thinking about it. Perhaps it is crazy like you say. I am simply trying to be open minded and I am in the process of thinking stuff. Perhaps I shouldn't have said anything before finishing thinking about it.

But anyways, you are probably right, normal 22 year olds usually don't go after 16 year olds. So I apologize for what I said, and I was probably wrong. However. read below.

In fact, your best piece of evidence that they might be a garbage human being is the fact that they're interested in a 16 year old.

EAllusion, the world is not as simple. 16 year olds lie about their age, and can meet a guy in a dance club. Some 16 year olds do look 18 or older. They could fall in love.

So I have a question. In my stake a 30 year old man married an 18 year old, but they started dating when she was 17. How do you feel about that?

Again, this does not mean every relationship with that age gap is bad or involves malice, but no parent in their right mind isn't concerned when they find out their 16 year old is dating a 22 year old. There's a lot of development and experience that occurs in that 6 year gap.

I said "I agree it is concerning", but what if the 16 year old lies about her age and looks older? We are human beings.

[_cafe crema]

In short there is something wrong with a 22 year old adult who goes to high school to find a mate.

café crema no one is suggesting that, why don't you just try to answer my questions instead. No one is answering them.

Question 1: Is sex harmful to 16-17 year olds? Do you have medical references? But it can't apply to 18+ year olds.

Question 2: Do teachers get arrested in Germany, Sweden, Denmark for consensual sex with 16-17 year olds?

And just so you are aware many 16 year olds lie about their age, a 22 year old can meet a 16 year old in a dance club.

Answer your own damn questions, do the work, form your opinions on fact and form your conscience/moral compass. I don't see that what Germany, Sweden, Denmark do is of any concern, and if they don't arrest teachers and charge them I think they should, the same with psychiatrists or doctors who sleep with their underage patients, or police officers who sleep with underage arrestees.

[_EAllusion]

So the scenario is now that you as a father have discovered that your 16 year old daughter has been lying about her age to get into dance clubs, met a 22 year old there, and now they're dating?

If alarm bells don't go off in your head as a father you are comatose.

[_cafe crema]

And just so you are aware many 16 year olds lie about their age, a 22 year old can meet a 16 year old in a dance club.

A sixteen year old who would lie about their age is less likely to get in a club if they are hanging out, sleeping with people their own age.

[_DoubtingThomas]

So the scenario is now that you as a father have discovered that your 16 year old daughter has been lying about her age to get into dance clubs, met a 22 year old there, and now they're dating?

If alarm bells don't go off in your head as a father you are comatose.

I repeat, "I agree it is concerning". Not saying it is an excuse. Please don't be so hard on me, I am simply thinking. Every time I am wrong I change my mind. Simple.

[_cafe crema]

So the scenario is now that you as a father have discovered that your 16 year old daughter has been lying about her age to get into dance clubs, met a 22 year old there, and now they're dating?

If alarm bells don't go off in your head as a father you are comatose.

I repeat, "I agree it is concerning". Not saying it is an excuse. Please don't be so hard on me, I am simply thinking. Every time I am wrong I change my mind. Simple.

And then you change it right back to where you started, you have even thought about what people have been saying to you on this thread.

[_cafe crema]

Please don't be so hard on me, I am simply thinking.

This is the second time you've pleaded for special treatment yet you feel you should be free to make snarky comments to others.

More thinking and less feelings please, we are no longer believing Mormons.

Don't whine.

[_DoubtingThomas]

This is the second time you've pleaded for special treatment yet you feel you should be free to make snarky comments to others.

Still waiting for you to answer my questions