Xenophon wrote: ↑Mon Sep 13, 2021 8:18 pm
ceeboo wrote: ↑Mon Sep 13, 2021 7:42 pm
Hey X-Factor!
That's new, has a slightly edgier ring to it than Xeno, I like it.
I'm super stoked that you like it because I was going to continue calling you X-Factor even if you didn't.
ceeboo wrote: ↑Mon Sep 13, 2021 7:42 pm
The more I think about all of this, the more I am realizing how unbelievably complex all of this is. All of it! There are literally so many factors in play - there are so many potential motives - there are so many communication barriers - there are so many possible ways to "miss" that I am now wondering
how we can't not miss.
So, someone tell me, what are the ingredients needed to not miss? Or at least increase the chances of not missing.
Isn't step one always "admitting you have a problem"
?
Ha! Sure is.
Seriously though, I do think realizing that the misses are easier to come by than not is a big step in the right direction. I think from there it is just focusing on your inbuilt assumptions about the person across the screen. Making sure that you are granting them benefit of the doubt, not reading everything they post in the worst light (a problem I think we suffer from here a bit more than we might like to admit, myself included), asking for clarification if your confused or if a post runs counter to how you general perceive a poster. It is also very helpful to look hard at your own posting. Are you sure you were as clear as you wanted to be? Can you frame your post or argument in a different way? What about what you put down could have caused a poster to react the way they did?
Good stuff! Like the middle of the Oreo kind of good stuff!
Another one I catch myself on sometimes is the line of thinking where I set myself up as the main character. I have no special right to expect a conversation to go a way that I want it to and I need to be willing to let go and let everyone express themselves here in a manner that is fulfilling for them.
While I understand your selfless comment, I, on the other hand, absolutely need to be the main character. It's the main reason I hang out here (pun intended) and it's a big reason why I am willing to put up with all of you nut jobs. (obviously kidding but felt I needed to type this to eliminate any fake motives that could have lingered and/or messed up the online persona I am trying to erect)
I think if you are earnestly examining your own thought process and trying to ask yourselves these kinds of questions it will help in the long run.
No question about it, in my opinion.
I'll also say that I think it is "okay" to have those misses. There is a ton of nuance and complexity to our interactions here and they aren't all going to go how you expect or want them to.
No doubt - and I would probably go a little further than your "it's okay to have those misses" and say we all can't avoid the misses and accept that they are coming to all of us (some more than others)
Instead the focus, for me anyways, is on practicing the skill so that when you are engaged in a solid, good-faith dialogue with another human you can continue to make the most of it. Then we'll start over all again on a new topic.
Sounds like a lot a blast! Where do I sign up?
Thanks for all the thoughts, X-Factor!