DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.
____________________________________________________
OPRAH:
Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
____________________________________________________
GEORGE W BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
____________________________________________________
COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
____________________________________________________
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
____________________________________________________
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
___________________________________________________
NANCY GRACE :
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
____________________________________________________
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American. & amp; lt; /B>
____________________________________________________
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
____________________________________________________
DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
____________________________________________________
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.
____________________________________________________
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see "the plain side." That's why they call it "the other side." Yes, my friends, that ch icken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
____________________________________________________
GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
____________________________________________________
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
____________________________________________________
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
____________________________________________________
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
____________________________________________________
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.
Internet Explorer is a integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^( C .. ... reboot.
____________________________________________________
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
____________________________________________________
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
____________________________________________________
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!
____________________________________________________
COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?
____________________________________________________
DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?
___________________________________________________
AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
Why did the chicken cross the road...
-
_sailgirl7
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 140
- Joined: Fri Dec 08, 2006 5:51 pm
Moksha posted these on MADB last year- funny stuff:
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
An LDS Perspective on an Age-old Question
Nephi
And it came to pass that the chicken did cross the road, that it might reach the other side.
King Benjamin
And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when the chicken is crossing the road, it is only getting to the other side.
Alma the Elder
And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here is the road (for thus it was called); and now, as ye are desirous to get to the other side, and are willing to set one anothers eggs that they may hatch; Yea and are willing to cluck with those that cluck, yea, and peck those that stand in need of pecking; Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against crossing the road?
And now when the chickens had heard these words, they flapped their wings for joy and cackled, This is the desire of our hearts.
Joseph Smith
We have learned by sad experience that it is in the nature and disposition of almost all chickens, as soon as they reach a road, they will immediately begin to cross it.
John Taylor
The other side of the road or nothing.
J. Golden Kimball
To get to the other side of the damn road! Why the hell else would the chicken cross the road?
Heber J. Grant
That road which the chicken persists in crossing becomes easier to cross; not that the nature of the road has changed, but that the chickens power to cross it is increased.
David O. McKay
No other success can compensate for failure to get to the other side of the road without getting run over.
Paul H. Dunn
There was the time a chicken strolled into my foxhole on Guadalcanal ¦
Spencer W. Kimball
The chicken decided to lengthen its stride to DO IT.
Gordon B. Hinckley
By the year 2000, twice as many chickens will be crossing twice as many roads.
Stephen R. Covey
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Road-crossing Chickens
Ken Jennings
No, you've got it backwards YOU give ME the ANSWER, and I ask YOU the QUESTION.
Lehi
And all chickens are instructed sufficiently that they know foxes from pigeons, the Colonel from Old McDonald. And the law is given unto chickens. And by the law no flesh is justified, neither white meat, nor dark meat, nor thigh, nor wing; or by the law, chickens are cut off. Yea, by the temporal law they were cut off; and also by the spiritual law they perish from that which is good, and are miserable forever, never to get to the other side of the road.
Brigham Young:
And if thou art a comely chicken, get thee to my hen house hence, thus saith the Lord! If thou art merry, praise the Lord with cackling, with clucking, with joyful crossings of the road, and with a prayer of praise and thanksgiving that thou be not a turkey. If thou art sorrowful, call on the Lord thy God with all the energy of thy beaks. Fear not the foxes and wolves, for they are in my hands and not in thine henhouses. My chickens must be fried...oops, tried...in all things, that they may be prepared to receive the glory that I have for them on the other side of the road.
BYU student accused of having a Chicken:
We need you to sign this affidavit, regarding your knowledge of the said chicken. Remember we have tapes of the incident as well as dispositions from your former Friends.
Boyd K. Packer:
Until further notice this road is restricted to faith promoting chickens only.
David O. McKay
Every chicken a road-crosser.
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
An LDS Perspective on an Age-old Question
Nephi
And it came to pass that the chicken did cross the road, that it might reach the other side.
King Benjamin
And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when the chicken is crossing the road, it is only getting to the other side.
Alma the Elder
And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here is the road (for thus it was called); and now, as ye are desirous to get to the other side, and are willing to set one anothers eggs that they may hatch; Yea and are willing to cluck with those that cluck, yea, and peck those that stand in need of pecking; Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against crossing the road?
And now when the chickens had heard these words, they flapped their wings for joy and cackled, This is the desire of our hearts.
Joseph Smith
We have learned by sad experience that it is in the nature and disposition of almost all chickens, as soon as they reach a road, they will immediately begin to cross it.
John Taylor
The other side of the road or nothing.
J. Golden Kimball
To get to the other side of the damn road! Why the hell else would the chicken cross the road?
Heber J. Grant
That road which the chicken persists in crossing becomes easier to cross; not that the nature of the road has changed, but that the chickens power to cross it is increased.
David O. McKay
No other success can compensate for failure to get to the other side of the road without getting run over.
Paul H. Dunn
There was the time a chicken strolled into my foxhole on Guadalcanal ¦
Spencer W. Kimball
The chicken decided to lengthen its stride to DO IT.
Gordon B. Hinckley
By the year 2000, twice as many chickens will be crossing twice as many roads.
Stephen R. Covey
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Road-crossing Chickens
Ken Jennings
No, you've got it backwards YOU give ME the ANSWER, and I ask YOU the QUESTION.
Lehi
And all chickens are instructed sufficiently that they know foxes from pigeons, the Colonel from Old McDonald. And the law is given unto chickens. And by the law no flesh is justified, neither white meat, nor dark meat, nor thigh, nor wing; or by the law, chickens are cut off. Yea, by the temporal law they were cut off; and also by the spiritual law they perish from that which is good, and are miserable forever, never to get to the other side of the road.
Brigham Young:
And if thou art a comely chicken, get thee to my hen house hence, thus saith the Lord! If thou art merry, praise the Lord with cackling, with clucking, with joyful crossings of the road, and with a prayer of praise and thanksgiving that thou be not a turkey. If thou art sorrowful, call on the Lord thy God with all the energy of thy beaks. Fear not the foxes and wolves, for they are in my hands and not in thine henhouses. My chickens must be fried...oops, tried...in all things, that they may be prepared to receive the glory that I have for them on the other side of the road.
BYU student accused of having a Chicken:
We need you to sign this affidavit, regarding your knowledge of the said chicken. Remember we have tapes of the incident as well as dispositions from your former Friends.
Boyd K. Packer:
Until further notice this road is restricted to faith promoting chickens only.
David O. McKay
Every chicken a road-crosser.