Somewhat Hypothetical Question

[_Sam Harris]

Is it premature to assume that you've done something to offend someone, if when you are in your darkest hour, they don't show up? Say, you're essentially fighting for your life and people know this and they don't even bust a "hello" every know and again (as a whole, not one or two people), would you think that you're an asshole, or would you assume that life has just birthed another fluke, and everyone is just busy?

Is there anyone in here with a chronic illness who might be able to enlighten me? Do people come out to support you, or do they disappear? Is it that I chose the wrong people to bring into my life, or do I lack social skills (well, I do, but I didn't think it was that bad)?

Ever since I got sick, people have been calling less and less. Or maybe it's just that I can't move anymore, and notice that since I can't run after them, they're not coming to me. I don't know. But they know the news isn't good. Why would people avoid you if they cared for you? I know this isn't the most appropriate question to ask here, but forgive me. I don't have anyone to ask at all. So if there's anyone on this board who has had an illness, or known someone who had an illness who might be able to give some insight, I'd appreciate it.

[Guest]

I certainly question what kind of 'friends' you have. (I have a pretty small circle of friends, but I know they'd be there for me - because they have been fairly recently. Not for illness, but for something that came up recently...)

Only you can know for sure whether it's something 'about you', but I seriously doubt that. More likely it is just bad luck involving situation and who you happen to have met.

...and apologies for not keeping in touch myself. I hope your doing OK...

[_Imwashingmypirate]

I sent a text talking to a friend (who by the way, did not reply) about how I alway call my friends and we talk for hours and I visit them, but not once have any of them called me or been in touch. I do not expect them to visit, but they could at least say hi. They knew how I was feeling but would not contact me. At one point I was unable to contact them and only my best friend contacted me once in the whole time. I was saying to this person that it is strange. I never even noticed until I could not contact them. It hurts, because sometimes having someone say hi is just what you need. It sort of shows who ones real friends are. The thing is, they had nothing stopping them.

[_Sam Harris]

Hey Renegade,

You couldn't possibly know all that is going on over on my end. No one here does. A lot has changed sincce I last posted about it. I have some answers (got some Tuesday), and it's more complicated than I thought. I won't get into it right now.

It's just that there are people who have access to me, who could drop by or call...and they don't. My supposed best friend has been sick with a cough...and I called to ask HER how she's doing. Does she call me to ask me how I'm doing? No. I emailed her to tell her the diagnosis (finally). She didn't even bother to call. No one who has my number did. That hurt.

It's ironic, the one person I've had the most problems with has become my biggest ally, my mother. She's been there through the ER adventures, the bedrest, the negotiations with my bosses. And who knows what else.

It's just that I wonder what and who I've brought into my life, that I could come this low and they could all be so oblivious. And they can't think I'm lying, they saw me in the hospital...

I don't understand. I'm just wondering if it's me. They can't think I'm lying about this.

[_Sam Harris]

I sent a text talking to a friend (who by the way, did not reply) about how I alway call my friends and we talk for hours and I visit them, but not once have any of them called me or been in touch. I do not expect them to visit, but they could at least say hi. They knew how I was feeling but would not contact me. At one point I was unable to contact them and only my best friend contacted me once in the whole time. I was saying to this person that it is strange. I never even noticed until I could not contact them. It hurts, because sometimes having someone say hi is just what you need. It sort of shows who ones real friends are. The thing is, they had nothing stopping them.

Ah, you understand too. I've been seeing this. Only my twist is, these people have their health! Well, except for one, she has cancer. And the love and flowers have been pouring in for her. But she's healing....I'm not. She's not gonna die. I could. My life as I knew it is over...and all I ask for is a call every now and again to say "I know you still exist". Because if there is life after death and my funeral is overflowing when my life is so empty right now, I'm gonna be real pissed.

[_Imwashingmypirate]

It is hard. I hope you are well soon. Or in the least feel positive and well. Take care of yourself and God Bless.

Pirate.

[_Sam Harris]

There are good days and bad days. Tuesday was a good day, because at least I have an answer. But then it hit that the answer wasn't all that good news. It's just maintenance.

I just don't understand. I feel like it's me. I know I'm not always the nicest person, but have I been that bad? Example: a friend had a birthday a few months back, and her roomies gave her a surprise party. My birthday this past year, people were commenting on plans they had the same day that conflicted. I mean, sure, I wasn't able to party a lot...but I was celebrating the fact that I'd made it to that day.

My friends are a rich bunch that run fast. I'm poor, and am kind of lagging behind for many reasons. I've learned to accept that...but I feel like they've left me behind.

I guess I'll get used to it. Or just let them go. Or figure out what's in my character that's driven these folks away. It wasn't always like this. Perhaps I'm just depressed with the health issues.

Those who are close to me seem to understand. They ask how I'm doing. My mom wakes me up five times a day on the weekends to make sure I'm breathing. Perhaps it's just that my friends just haven't seen up close in a while. I don't know...

[_Ren]

I don't understand. I'm just wondering if it's me.

I don't believe that. At all. And you shouldn't believe it either.

It's just that I wonder what and who I've brought into my life

Seems to me that most people come into our lives pretty randomly. That's part of the problem I guess...
...the only people I count as 'true' friends I've known since school. Other friends come and go, but they stick.

[_Dr. Shades]

Oh man, GIMR, I just don't know what to say. Right now I'm more worried about you than about your friends, truth be told.

I sure hope that this is something you can eventually heal from or, barring that, learn to squelch the symptoms.

Just guessing, but perhaps your friends are simply used to your being ill and don't know if/how/whether this is any worse than what you've already been going through for some time now?

[_Sam Harris]

I don't understand. I'm just wondering if it's me.

I don't believe that. At all. And you shouldn't believe it either.

It's just that I wonder what and who I've brought into my life

Seems to me that most people come into our lives pretty randomly. That's part of the problem I guess...
...the only people I count as 'true' friends I've known since school. Other friends come and go, but they stick.

What bothers me most is that I've for the most part kept my circle of friends very small. I don't like having a lot of people around me and calling them "friends", because then one's life ends up like an episode of the Hills, with everyone talking about everyone else behind their backs. I'm not into that.

It's like the people who are the least accessible to me are the most loyal. While those who are right up the street don't seem to care. I don't understand why. They don't drop by (unless it benefits them), they don't call. One of these people I've known since age 7, and been friends with since age 12. It hurts. I just can't get it.

Maybe it's just that they haven't been there to see like my mom and co-workers have, and I should be more merciful. But I'm stuck between feeling jealous that they have their health, and a bit upset that they can't even call and say "how are you?". A bit part of this battle is emotional; I got my news, and it's a relief, but also a letdown at the same time. I need my friends to support me. My family as well....I think they're catching on at least. And I was serious, I'd be very pissed if I'd somehow have to view a packed funeral from the other side. I think its worthless to go on and on about how good someone was after they're gone if you couldn't appreciate them in life.

A cousin that up until October I hadn't seen in five years sent me a message through my myspace account yesterday. My brother had told him I was sick (he didn't even know the full story), but he just sent me an "I love you" message. That made my day, that's all I ask for.

Why do I feel like I'm asking for too much sometimes?

Others that I know who have been ill have tons of support. Me, the people in my immediate vicinity outside of my parents and brothers have been acting like I don't exist. For a while there, even my aunts were calling to ask how my Mom was doing after I got home from the hospital.

Makes me feel evil sometimes...