The trauma is finished.... yet, I'm not a monster. I went into a high state of hypervigilance (fear of attack which causes me to not sleep -- I suffer from PTSD and sometimes it rears up when I fear attack) and did some things I normally wouldn't do. The person that takes over when I'm in that state is anxious, on high alert, and is desperately seeking to protect themselves. My thought processes (and that is displayed in some of the things I write, at times) dramatically change when I'm like that. After I came out of that state of mind I felt guilty for acting in that way. Yet, my body absolutely takes over who I usually am because I'm in battle fight or flight mode. I was so confused and overwhelmed... yet, I'm not now. I'm not a monster. Yet, I'm not perfect.
Last edited by Guest on Sat Jul 26, 2008 3:46 am, edited 2 times in total.
Jesus... This board is just one giant drama factory.
I was afraid of the dark when I was young. "Don't be afraid, my son," my mother would always say. "The child-eating night goblins can smell fear." Bitch... - Kreepy Kat
"Finally, for your rather strange idea that miracles are somehow linked to the amount of gay sexual gratification that is taking place would require that primitive Christianity was launched by gay sex, would it not?"
It was about being stuck in a loop of trauma that I created for myself. Then breaking it.
Hooray! I think....
This is a good think, right?
"Surely he knows that DCP, The Nehor, Lamanite, and other key apologists..." -Scratch clarifying my status in apologetics "I admit it; I'm a petty, petty man." -Some Schmo