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I own a Real Mean cat. Or rather, he owns me. His name is Tarzan. T. Evil T. Tevil (T+evil). He tevils around day and night, wreaking havoc everywhere he goes.

He killed a bird in my living room.

He's broken more drinking glasses than I care to count.

He attacked the neighbor's huge pet rabbit. He was on it's back, trying to chew it's neck. It was prey to him, though twice his size.

My other neighbor came to my door claiming Tevil attacked her rat terrier when she let him out to go potty. Tevil apparently leaped from the bushes and scared her little shaky dog half to death.

T knocked the computer speakers from my desk until a chunk of one broke loose. It no longer works. He just now chewed the cord to my headphones in twain.

I had surgery last week. As I lay in bed, in pain and basically immobile, Tevil mercilessly chewed my toes. My throat raw from a tube used during surgery, I could barely mutter a feeble, "Help!" Finally, Chloe heard me and saved me from Tarzan, becoming injured in the process when Tarzan let out one of his "rrraaawwwlllrrwwwll" sounds and chewed her arm.

I adore T-man cat. I even adore his meanness. But, I am weary of his penchant for destruction.

I read that one can calm the nature of a cat by turning him/her into a vegan. Vegan cats? Who woulda thunk? Vegan cat food can be purchased over the internet.

Can a cat even live on a vegan diet? I don't think a vegan diet would calm any cat, really, and it would probably drive my cat to a mindless bird killing frenzy. My girls think it's worth a shot though, after seeing a vegan cat on Wife Swap. "That cat," says Annie, "was not mean. Because it ate yeast." I take Annie's word for it.

Better get nice, Tevil. Your Ami-Cat Vegan Cat Kibble is only a click away.







KA

First: Your cat is rad.
Second: If a cat can attack and eat a dog, that dog deserves to be attacked and eaten.
Third: What kind of cat is he? He looks a lot like mine.
Fourth: Give him some Xanax if he gets out of hand.

Blixa is total bad ass. He chews my toes every night and his favorite ambush is jumping up while you're watching tv and biting your shoulder. He's gone before you even register the pain. He kills mice and roaches. Big scary Brooklyn roaches. He wakes up at five every morning and nips you from the toes on up til you wake and feed him. He once accidentally sank a talon into a vein on the back of my hand while we were playing and blood spurted from it cartoon style. I swear I once saw him stand up on his hind legs and walk on two feet across the floor to bite my foot that was hanging off the bed.

But he has beautiful black lips that I must kiss. Even if it means risking a fang in my lower lip.

SK, Tarzan is just a mixed breed kitten born to a stray cat taken in by one of Courtney's friends.

We went to pick a kitten and they were allowed out of the little box they were sleeping in with their mother. All of the kitties shied away except for Tarzan. He immediately did the sideways kitten hop and attacked Courtney's shoelaces. We knew he was the cat for us.

For anyone who is unfamiliar with the sideways kitten hop, here it is: Hopping Kitten

Blixa, your cat sounds adorable. It's funny how they are a constant source of entertainment, isn't it? I sometimes wonder what a freak I am that I'm so enamored with my cats! When my kids grow up and move away, I'll probably be a solitary old lady with a houseful of cats.

I call my other kitty, Beans, Black Lips. Or Black Bean. Or Jelly Bean. She's a bit skittish compared to Tarzan, but she brings home the bacon! She brought a mole for dinner the other night, dropping it on the hallway tile. I praised and praised her. I didn't cook the mole, but Beans doesn't know that. I'm certain she believes it ended up on our dinner plates.

Beans on her throne:



KA

You've gone and made me miss my dearly departed kitty. He had a taste for human flesh, but he always asked first. He had a certain meow (that sounded quite predatory) he'd use when he wanted a quick taste - then I'd extend my hand out flat, thumb and forefinger stretched wide and he'd chomp down firmly but gently on the skin stretched between. Then he'd either happily skip away or he'd grab on with both front paws and gnaw some more.

Huh. I thought my cat was the only one that habitually bit like that.

I used to like cats, and we had one that we picked up as a stray when I was young (it came around, we fed it, and it proceeded to live with us for the next 14 years), but as a teenager, by the time I was a Sophomore, I developed an allergy to cats, and so now I hate them.

All your cats can go to Hell. ;-)

Dogs rule.