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Physical abuse by one’s spouse is not a biblical reason for divorce, says a pastor at Saddleback Church in southern California.

Tom Holladay, teaching pastor at the megachurch founded by best-selling author Rick Warren, says the Bible only gives two cases where divorce is acceptable: abandonment and a physical affair.

“I wish there were a third in Scripture having been involved as a pastor with situations of abuse," Holladay said in an audio clip posted on Saddleback Church’s Web site. "There is something in me that wishes there were a Bible verse that says, 'If they abuse you in this-and-such kind of way, then you have a right to leave them.'"

Physical abuse, he defined, is someone “literally” beating another person up regularly.

"I don't mean they grab you once. I mean they've made a habit of beating you regularly,” he clarified.

But while Holladay believes divorce is not a biblical option in cases of domestic violence, he strongly recommends the couple to separate. During the separation, the couple should undergo counseling and try to mend the marriage, he said.

“Separation combined with counseling has been proven to provide healing in people’s lives,” the pastor said, noting that his church, Saddleback, offers such a program.

“There is no where in the Bible that says you should put up with abuse,” he emphasized. There is no where that says it is an “attitude of submission to let someone abuse you.”

It is logical to think that divorce will offer an escape from the pain, the pastor acknowledged, but in reality it doesn’t. The pain of a broken marriage continues for the rest of a person’s life.

After a divorce, there is an “immediate release” from pain and people can think that freedom and joy are coming back into their life. But in the long term, the pain recurs every time the two former spouses deal with the children or communicate. And even events in a new marriage can trigger painful memories.

Holladay recommends instead of the “short-term solution” of a divorce that will involve long-term pain, people should endure “short-term pain” and find “God’s solution” for “long-term gain.”

The pastor explained that God understands the pain of a difficult marriage. The nation of Israel in the Bible is depicted as the bride of God, but Scripture also expresses in great detail the pain of God as Israel tries to divorce itself from its spiritual husband.

Through the Bible, people can see that God understands the pain of a hurtful marriage and can offer comfort, strength, perspective and wisdom to those also suffering from such a relationship, the pastor said.

“Does God expect us to live with this pain? No,” Holladay stated. “I think he expects us to ask him for wisdom to do the things that would cause the pain to begin to be solved. He says we're one and as Christians, as believers, the Bible says a husband is to sacrifice for his wife and the wife is to respect her husband."

Amaterasu wrote:I understand that this is easier said then done for many women (or men), yet, I don't understand why divorce is still so stigmatized in this day and age. Thankfully the 60's helped to sap away some of the stigma, yet, with Christians there still seems to be a predominant mindset that single parent families are not best for children. Well, single parent families can be better than abusive homes.

The Nehor wrote: The LDS view is that the two-parent family is the ideal way to raise a family with a father and a mother.

Now, a single parent is often better then an abusive environment. A superb single parent may even be better then a mediocre ideal family unit. However, we strive for the ideal and prefer not to fixate on which of two bad situations is worse unless we have to.

I don't agree with the above pastor, by the way.

Amaterasu wrote:I'm glad you don't agree with the above pastor! I just find it odd that how one should live or what is ideal is looked at from a biblical perspective! I just can't fathom why anyone would not consider circumstances and rely on a book of religion to tell others how to live their life.

After a divorce, there is an “immediate release” from pain and people can think that freedom and joy are coming back into their life. But in the long term, the pain recurs every time the two former spouses deal with the children or communicate. And even events in a new marriage can trigger painful memories

two cases where divorce is acceptable: abandonment and a physical affair.

Jersey Girl wrote:Pastor Holladay needs to read the rest of his Bible instead of cherry picking out a few verses to make his case. I suspect God wishes for people to use the brains they were created/born with and apply all Biblical scriptures to the conditions of marriage described in the Bible, including the Biblical treatment of one's spouse.

If one spouse is engaging in abuse of the other, they've already abandoned the marriage and the vows they made.

Just my take.

Jason Bourne wrote:Well Jersey Girl the protestant flavor of conservative evangelicalism has its share of biblical literlists. For them the Bible is it (qualified to mean the conservative reformed theology interpretation of the Bible). And this just demonstrates the stupidity that results when people try to govern every decision with a document thousands of years old that was certainly influenced by the culture of the time.

One wonders if this fellow really understands the stupidity of what he says. He really wished the Bible had a verse about leaving a spouse due to abuse? Does he need the Bible to tell him everything that he has to do and not do? How about driving a car. Where does it say in the Bible to drive a car, or fly in a plane? How about about medicine and modern health care? If this dude has cancer will he pass on chemo? Some nut cakes will due to some Bible understanding?

Oh the list could go on.

Gadianton wrote:

After a divorce, there is an “immediate release” from pain and people can think that freedom and joy are coming back into their life. But in the long term, the pain recurs every time the two former spouses deal with the children or communicate. And even events in a new marriage can trigger painful memories

two cases where divorce is acceptable: abandonment and a physical affair.

Let's see here, in the case of an affair, no pain will ever recur and dealing with the children will always be easy. Oh, and events in the new marriage will never trigger painful memories.