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I haven't seen my ex in a longg time but I still think about her sometimes.

Is this normal? I haven't spoken to her in over 8 months but I occasionally just feel like I still miss her.

Or am I just a loser?

I wonder where the idea that we should "Get over" people came from? Is that even possible?

I think it comes from the idea of failed relationships, which is a myth. All of our relationships will end. People will die, draft apart, suddenly depart or "move on". That is the normal course of things. If two people are married for 15 years, say, and decide to call it quits, why do we call that a failure? Why can't we say that it was a good run, it lasted for 15 years? If I work at a company for 20 years and then choose to leave, no one would say, "he had a failed career, it ended after 20 years". Why can't we extend that same level of respect to something much more important?

Somewhere we got this romantic idea that everything lasts forever, but nothing truly does. We should celebrate what we have when we have it, and move on when it is done.

It is perfectly normal, I believe, to love and miss people we were attached to for our whole lives. If you shared something together, that is not undone by whatever separated you. Our hearts are bigger than most people give credit. We are able to love and miss many people, even if it is better for us to be apart.

Anyway, I'll get off my soap box and just end by saying that it is perfectly normal and desirable to feel the way you do. Just don't let it get in the way of starting another something.

Just curious, but is this your ex-wife, or an ex-girlfriend?

Thanks for your thoughts, John. Very profound.

You've given me a new way of looking at things.