The Most Intellectual Joke You Know
Posted: Sun Jun 30, 2013 12:37 am
From Slate, reporting on a reddit thread of the same title as the op.
The Jokes:
From user guitartard: “Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?”
From user phattmatt: “Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?”
From user shannman: “Who does Polyphemus hate more than Odysseus? Nobody!”
From user doomwaxer: “Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on technicality.”
From user android47: “A programmer's wife tells him: ‘Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.’ The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.”
From user Arcadian 5656: “A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5ft to the left, the chemist takes a shot and misses 5ft to the right, and the statistician yells, ‘We got ‘im!’ ”
From user suid: “So this classics professor goes to a tailor to get his pants mended. The tailor asks, ‘Euripedes?’ The professor replies, ‘Yes. Eumenides?’ ”
From user DrColdReality: “Two women walk into a bar and talk about the Bechdel test.”
From user Saboot: “Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says, ‘Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it's funny or not?’ Gödel replies, ‘We can't know that because we're inside the joke.’ Chomsky says, ‘Of course it's funny. You're just telling it wrong.’ ”
From user disposableaccountass: “Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint, the phone rings and he jumps up shouting, ‘Oh crap, I forgot to feed the dog!’ ”
From user Watch_Closely: “It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.”
The Jokes:
From user guitartard: “Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?”
From user phattmatt: “Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?”
From user shannman: “Who does Polyphemus hate more than Odysseus? Nobody!”
From user doomwaxer: “Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on technicality.”
From user android47: “A programmer's wife tells him: ‘Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.’ The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.”
From user Arcadian 5656: “A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5ft to the left, the chemist takes a shot and misses 5ft to the right, and the statistician yells, ‘We got ‘im!’ ”
From user suid: “So this classics professor goes to a tailor to get his pants mended. The tailor asks, ‘Euripedes?’ The professor replies, ‘Yes. Eumenides?’ ”
From user DrColdReality: “Two women walk into a bar and talk about the Bechdel test.”
From user Saboot: “Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says, ‘Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it's funny or not?’ Gödel replies, ‘We can't know that because we're inside the joke.’ Chomsky says, ‘Of course it's funny. You're just telling it wrong.’ ”
From user disposableaccountass: “Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint, the phone rings and he jumps up shouting, ‘Oh crap, I forgot to feed the dog!’ ”
From user Watch_Closely: “It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.”
