Do We Really Have It Right?

[ceeboo]

I suppose I see it in two competing ways.

Interesting that you would describe it as "competing" - To be clear, I'm not challenging that, nor do I wish to debate it in any way, I just find it an interesting word choice.

1) We are all peering through a narrow window when looking into each other's lives. We don't know any of the hardships, victories, challenges, cultural impacts, or any number of other thousand things that can alter who we are and how we post here. Our online personas are such a small piece of ourselves that we allow to be viewed here that making a totally solid judgement about someone is nearly impossible. You're also very correct that we are missing a lot of the nuance of in-person communication that can often cause misses. I'm not a particularly fine writer but I do hope that my posts here reflect that I think we all have many things to contribute and that open and meaningful discussion is possible among anyone. I tend to air on the side of kindness, which is nice and all but it actually doesn't make for a very lively board and isn't the only way to exist... which leads me to the other side.

2) At the end of the day this is the only window we have in which to interact (for the most part). Apart from granting one another a bit of benefit of the doubt and some common courtesy does it really make sense to respond to anything other than the very specific words that appear on our screens. At the end of the day we choose how we represent ourselves here and all we can expect is that people respond in the way that they choose. I don't fault people for using this, or other online arenas, as a place for venting and release or for not wanting to beat around the bush to make their points. Sometimes that can be ugly but it can often be cathartic for people and we've had more than a few very excellent discussions here that probably wouldn't be classified as fine or respectful.

Thanks for another thoughtful thread contribution, Xeno.

I'm going to have to think some more on the entire concept of an "online persona" and what that actually means or really is - and/or how an online persona can potentially land on several potential landing zones across a very long runway - Anywhere from completely sincere all the way to phony as crap with a number of other landing spots in the middle of these two ends. In addition, I can't help but wonder what factors might be in play that can impact these online personas that we... earn? ...Create? ...Attach ourselves to?

Like I said, I need to do much more thinking about this.

As to the thread title: absolutely not

Ha! I'm not quite as confident as you (yet?) but I certainly think that we probably don't have it exactly right. At least for most of us, most of the time.

[ceeboo]

I can't speak for others, but if I am with close friend #1, I am not entirely the same person I am with close friend #2.

I only have one friend, period, so I can't relate or comment on any of this.

[Some Schmo]

To compound the issue, I think we all tend to have different faces to meet the faces that we meet.

I can't speak for others, but if I am with close friend #1, I am not entirely the same person I am with close friend #2. When together with both of them, I am not a complete manifestation of both me #1 and me #2 combined. There are small differences in who I am (or rather, who I present) when I am with my oldest sibling vs. my youngest sibling. I have a different face for different coworkers.

Veering off course a bit, but that might be one of the rascally things about self-discovery. Sometimes, our sense of who we are is masked by what we hope others are seeing. Sometimes, I think we don't even peek behind our own mask.

Or maybe I'm just coming off my coffee high.

Yes.

When I was younger, I noticed this exact behavior in myself, and I considered it "good interpersonal skills." I thought I was communicating in a way more appealing to my audience.

As I age, however, I increasingly consider that inauthentic behavior. I want to be more myself more of the time.

Although, now that I just typed that, I'm questioning it. I wouldn't want to be "totally me" at work, for instance, for professional considerations. I also wouldn't want to treat my wife exactly the same as our dog (Oooooohhh, you're such a good girl. SUCH a good girl. Come here, girl. Come on... Oh, those are such good kisses...)

Yet again, I'm impressed with the importance of context.

[Res Ipsa]

All the comments about missing context, history, and background for the online people you are talking to is equally true for the people you know in real life. Apart from those you are truly closest to, and maybe not even then, it is impossible to know what all is going on behind the actions of an individual. Unfortunately given the way our brains work you like don't even understand your own actions entirely.

To compound the issue, I think we all tend to have different faces to meet the faces that we meet.

I can't speak for others, but if I am with close friend #1, I am not entirely the same person I am with close friend #2. When together with both of them, I am not a complete manifestation of both me #1 and me #2 combined. There are small differences in who I am (or rather, who I present) when I am with my oldest sibling vs. my youngest sibling. I have a different face for different coworkers.

Veering off course a bit, but that might be one of the rascally things about self-discovery. Sometimes, our sense of who we are is masked by what we hope others are seeing. Sometimes, I think we don't even peek behind our own mask.

Or maybe I'm just coming off my coffee high.

That reminds of this book. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pre ... ryday_Life It was recommended to me 35 years ago, and I keep forgetting to read it.

[Xenophon]

To compound the issue, I think we all tend to have different faces to meet the faces that we meet.

I can't speak for others, but if I am with close friend #1, I am not entirely the same person I am with close friend #2. When together with both of them, I am not a complete manifestation of both me #1 and me #2 combined. There are small differences in who I am (or rather, who I present) when I am with my oldest sibling vs. my youngest sibling. I have a different face for different coworkers.

Veering off course a bit, but that might be one of the rascally things about self-discovery. Sometimes, our sense of who we are is masked by what we hope others are seeing. Sometimes, I think we don't even peek behind our own mask.

Or maybe I'm just coming off my coffee high.

I think that this is an entirely normal and often appropriate way to behave (that or I am about to find out you and I are the only two that do so). We protect ourselves by hiding parts of ourselves that we don't think fit the situation. Your comment about self-discovery is spot on, although I might change the "sometimes" to "far too often" but that may just say more about myself than anyone else.

Playing off of Schmo's comments I'm not sure I would label it inauthentic. At least not without more context and specifics. There are far too many situations where to protect ourselves or others we should hide parts of ourselves away. The only danger, in my opinion, is when we can't be honest with ourselves about when and why we do it and when we don't have people in our lives that we can truly let it all hang out.

[Chap]

I am not sure that it makes a lot of sense to talk about 'the real me' outside of any relational context.

[Res Ipsa]

I am not sure that it makes a lot of sense to talk about 'the real me' outside of any relational context.

That’s pretty much where I am.

[Some Schmo]

I'm going to have to think some more on the entire concept of an "online persona" and what that actually means or really is - and/or how an online persona can potentially land on several potential landing zones across a very long runway - Anywhere from completely sincere all the way to phony as crap with a number of other landing spots in the middle of these two ends. In addition, I can't help but wonder what factors might be in play that can impact these online personas that we... earn? ...Create? ...Attach ourselves to?

My bolding.

Yeah, not only could we appear somewhere on the spectrum you described, but one day we could be more full of crap than other days, just to complicate everyone's perception.

One thing I have noticed is that a newbie can come on and present a certain way (intentionally trying to look like something they aren't) but eventually, their true posting style will surface.

[Xenophon]

Interesting that you would describe it as "competing" - To be clear, I'm not challenging that, nor do I wish to debate it in any way, I just find it an interesting word choice.

Thanks for another thoughtful thread contribution, Xeno.

I'm going to have to think some more on the entire concept of an "online persona" and what that actually means or really is - and/or how an online persona can potentially land on several potential landing zones across a very long runway - Anywhere from completely sincere all the way to phony as crap with a number of other landing spots in the middle of these two ends. In addition, I can't help but wonder what factors might be in play that can impact these online personas that we... earn? ...Create? ...Attach ourselves to?

Like I said, I need to do much more thinking about this.

As to the thread title: absolutely not

Ha! I'm not quite as confident as you (yet?) but I certainly think that we probably don't have it exactly right. At least for most of us, most of the time.

Happy to lay out my part where I can. Thanks to you for kicking the conversation off

I wouldn't read too much into my word choices, I'm not a good enough writer to make too many deep decisions along those lines. If it makes you think then I guess that is as good as anything though.

I think struggling with a verb for our online personas (or any persona for that matter) is a very insightful point. Particularly online we have a lot of control over what parts of us we let leak out into the wide, wide world but not total control. Apart from probably a very select few it is difficult to keep up appearances forever. Not to mention all the context that will naturally come out as time passes. Couple that with various lenses that readers are approaching you with and I think it does wind up being a mix of create/earn/attach/let slip.

I look forward to your further thoughts.

[ceeboo]

I'm going to have to think some more on the entire concept of an "online persona" and what that actually means or really is - and/or how an online persona can potentially land on several potential landing zones across a very long runway - Anywhere from completely sincere all the way to phony as crap with a number of other landing spots in the middle of these two ends. In addition, I can't help but wonder what factors might be in play that can impact these online personas that we... earn? ...Create? ...Attach ourselves to?

My bolding.

Yeah, not only could we appear somewhere on the spectrum you described, but one day we could be more full of crap than other days, just to complicate everyone's perception.

When I wrote that I didn't even consider the obvious reality that you point out, Schmo - that our exact location on this wide spectrum can be - and probably is - only temporary, and can change in either direction rather quickly - or slowly - or a little - or a lot.

Man - this thread literally has my head spinning.