The prison of Anti-Depressants

[_Doctor Steuss]

Yeah, my relative had to go off the Thorazine (which served them quite well) and that led to a tailspin, couple of hospitalizations while switching to a new med. Doing very well now!

Very glad to hear they are doing well now. The rollercoaster of not only going off one med, but dealing with the initial side-effects of new meds can be difficult to navigate.

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MeDotOrg,

I didn't say it earlier, but I have been thinking it, and figure now is as good a time as any. You are remarkable. It is a rare gift to be so mindful of your emotions (good or bad), and be able to express/describe them.

[_Jersey Girl]

I was reluctant to do this, but since we're talking about symptoms and how they feel. My relative who has paranoid schizophrenia is male. He lives with his sister. During the medication changes between Thorazine, there was a period of one week with no meds at all, then the climb up the mountain on to the new medication. He experiences auditory hallucinations. Some of the things that happened during that hiatus and med shift...called his sister at work and told her he was throwing out his money because it was fake. He actually threw out his money, all his forms of identification, his clothing and he threw away his teeth. They had to go dumpster diving to get some of it back. Couldn't find the teeth. During that time he also had a face to face conversation with the sister telling her "You're not my sister. Prove it. You're not my sister."

The sister is trooper, trust me. He's the nicest guy on the planet, a very responsible person. He's actually got an incredible memory. He can whip out old family details and you're sitting there like, "What? How does he know that?" One of my greatest pleasures in life is making him laugh out loud. :-)

[_Brackite]

Well, I am currently on an anti-depressant medication.

Are you doing okay with it, Bracki?

Do you feel that the way you experience the world is improved?

Oh, I think that I am doing mostly okay with it.

[_Always Changing]

I have been on antidepressants most of my adult life. Venlafaxine for ten years. Tried 37mg a year ago, but wasn't enough. It works. Still have episodes of high anxiety, but it usually passes as I work through the situation.

Was on Paxil for quite a while. That was a disaster, and my doctor totally ignored any problems. It was like my forebrain shut down, and problem-solving (amidst Mormonish social manipulations) was an unreachable goal.

There are times when I would like to have a good cry, but I can only do that by talking about my griefs and hardships, and don't want to unload that on anyone.

[_Doctor Steuss]

There are times when I would like to have a good cry, but I can only do that by talking about my griefs and hardships, and don't want to unload that on anyone.

Have you ever tried watching the soldier homecoming videos, where they either surprise their child, or they are reunited by an overexcited dog? For some reason, those can usually get me a little bit of a cathartic release.

Also, you may be surprised to find out that those closest to you would be honored rather than burdened to have you unload with (with, not on) them. :)

[_Always Changing]

There are times when I would like to have a good cry, but I can only do that by talking about my griefs and hardships, and don't want to unload that on anyone.

Have you ever tried watching the soldier homecoming videos, where they either surprise their child, or they are reunited by an overexcited dog? For some reason, those can usually get me a little bit of a cathartic release.

Also, you may be surprised to find out that those closest to you would be honored rather than burdened to have you unload with (with, not on) them. :)

Thanks. A friend has been on vacation, will be getting back soon, she is good for that. Otherwise, it is places like here where I can unload many such things.

[_Brackite]

Are you doing okay with it, Bracki?

Do you feel that the way you experience the world is improved?

Oh, I think that I am doing mostly okay with it.

And sometimes I think that the anti-depressant medication isn't really helping me that much.

[_just me]

I've been lucky that Celexa was the first med I tried and seems to work very well for me.
After being on it 18 months or so I quit cold turkey with no side effects. (Rx ran out, lapsed ins)
I started back up less than a year later because I knew it would help me. Not too many side effects starting back up, unlike the first time I went on it.

A few months ago I had a couple days without it and it was pretty miserable. I hate those zappy nerve feelings.

I am able to have the full range of emotion on Celexa, but it relieves the anxiety and depression.

I know that most people with anxiety and depression don't want to take medication. I think that's part of the symptoms. But, for many of us, life is so much better with the meds. It's such an individual thing.

I also appreciate the analogy of a diabetic needing insulin. It also helps to teach people that mental illness can be controlled by strength or effort or prayer just as well as diabetes can.

[_MeDotOrg]

I've been lucky that Celexa was the first med I tried and seems to work very well for me.
After being on it 18 months or so I quit cold turkey with no side effects. (Rx ran out, lapsed ins)
I started back up less than a year later because I knew it would help me. Not too many side effects starting back up, unlike the first time I went on it.

A few months ago I had a couple days without it and it was pretty miserable. I hate those zappy nerve feelings.

I am able to have the full range of emotion on Celexa, but it relieves the anxiety and depression.

I know that most people with anxiety and depression don't want to take medication. I think that's part of the symptoms. But, for many of us, life is so much better with the meds. It's such an individual thing.

I also appreciate the analogy of a diabetic needing insulin. It also helps to teach people that mental illness can be controlled by strength or effort or prayer just as well as diabetes can.

First of all, physiological reactions to medications are highly individual. So even though we're talking about the same drug, we as different people experience it differently. In addition, our dosage could be different. (I'm at 40mg a day, which is pretty high). I know you know all this, just want to get it out there.

And for the most part, my experience of Celexa is like yours. Today I am, without question, a higher functioning, happier person than I was last week when I stopped taking it.

For some people, that is end of discussion, right? Why does anyone want to climb outside of the happiness box? I guess the simplest way for me to say it is that it feels like not all of me is inside that box. Now you can say that it is part of my disease, and it very well be. But I don't think that's the entire answer.

It begins with the realization that Celexa has fundamentally altered my brain chemistry, at least to the extent that when I stopped taking Celexa, the way I experienced the world was radically different than the way I experienced the world prior to taking Celexa. And the literature says that taking Celexa over time reduces your brain's capacity to produce Seratonin. So when stopped taking Celexa, my brain did not revert to a pre-Celexa MeDotOrg. With lowered levels of serotonin, it felt like the superego cap on my consciousness has been ripped off, exposing this raging raw id underneath. In some ways I felt like a 5 year old in the middle of a temper tantrum: totally incapable of having any sort of adult (read superego) control.

Now I know the rawness of what I felt is largely due to tapering off too quickly, but nevertheless there was something I experienced in that time that felt like a part of myself that had been locked away for a long time. Many times depression is anger turned inward, and even in the midst of all of the barely controlled rage I was feeling, there was a kernel of legitimate feeling that Celexa had denied me. To put it bluntly, it felt like I got my balls back.

I described the feeling as having a sunburned consciousness, and I think that's an apt metaphor. Celexa is like a sun hat. It keeps you from getting sunburned, but underneath your skin is becoming paler and paler. If you ever lose your sunhat, your body has forgotten how to produce melatonin, and you're going to get a bad sunburn. Celexa keeps our consciousness in the shade.

And I think that health care professionals, under pressure to consider depression in the least labor-intensive way, have a tendency to put a chemical band-aid on the short term problem, and do not adequately advise the patient of the long-term effects.

[_just me]

I described the feeling as having a sunburned consciousness, and I think that's an apt metaphor. Celexa is like a sun hat. It keeps you from getting sunburned, but underneath your skin is becoming paler and paler. If you ever lose your sunhat, your body has forgotten how to produce melatonin, and you're going to get a bad sunburn. Celexa keeps our consciousness in the shade.

I think that is a great way of putting it. I can really relate to that as I also have a sunlight allergy and so last summer I avoided the sun like the plague. It's an answer, but not necessarily the best or only answer.

And I think that health care professionals, under pressure to consider depression in the least labor-intensive way, have a tendency to put a chemical band-aid on the short term problem, and do not adequately advise the patient of the long-term effects.

This is absolutely true. Especially because they are trying to keep costs down. One thing I liked about my experience with Kaiser is that they had a depression skills class that I was able to take. It was a lot of stuff I knew, but helped to discuss it with others and be motivated.

Anyway, I hope you didn't think I was trying to negate your experience. I was just trying to share, like you said, that it is such an individual thing. My neighbor has had a similar experience to you when she tried to quit Celexa. She was very angry easily, etc. I'm actually not sure if she went back on it or stayed off it. I am certain that the longer you are on it the worse it is to try and quit.