Toxic People

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_Jersey Girl
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Re: Toxic People

Post by _Jersey Girl »

canpakes wrote:Oh, good gawd. What a ridiculous person. How have you not left this relationship behind long ago for the sake of your own sanity? :biggrin:


What, you don't like a good crap show with a little side of train wreck? It was interesting to watch every coupla days or so, now when I look in, it's really -- I don't even have a word for it.

I did look in earlier today. Then one of two family members who is on the friends list, alerted me to something they saw. So I looked again.


Image

You got that right.

Back on the 1st of this month, they posted this meme but with different art work.


Image

I thought that'd be the end of it. I'm not sure how long it takes to forget. :lol:


Can you post an image or two in reply to hers?

I wouldn't be caught DEAD doing that! But I confess, I do like this one:


Image

Anyway, I did look in there again before replying to your post and sure enough...there's another one. Different art work, same message. But look at the comment.

Here that!

Image



Here that? WTH does that even mean?

It's like a bunch of fortune cookie strips stuffed into memes. Most of them are from a place called "Power of Positivity". :lol: It's hard to imagine that a person with her Masters has to communicate with the world in memes.


After all, you know what's coming next. Might as well head her off at the pass.

Image


I've read that one before. Yes, I get it. The thing is that she posts this histrionic sludge/blather multiple times a day and it doesn't look like anyone pays attention to it. She's ranting about something she never identifies about a person she never identifies. As for the few mutual friends we have, they know me better than that. If she spouted off to them in messages, they'd talk to me about it and probably ask me for the real story because they know she's kinda unhinged. The family members know exactly what took place.

So really, she's just making a spectacle of herself for an audience that doesn't respond.

I don't know if I mentioned this here, but the level of energy she's invested in this is equivalent to the energy she invested in complaining to me behind the scenes so I say, let her have at it. My message box isn't filling up with this stuff any more. I count that as a small success.
Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.
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_Meadowchik
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Re: Toxic People

Post by _Meadowchik »

Jersey Girl wrote:So...there was a discussion on another thread, the content doesn't really matter. Schmo said this:

I don't see a point in holding on to relationships with toxic people just because you happen to be related to them. Life's too short.


I understand what I think of as toxic people and yet, a situation has come up and I want to know if anyone thinks this falls into the category of "toxic".

Without divulging everything under the sun...this is all the same person.

1. A person who constantly tells you how bad their life sucks and expects you to commiserate and listen to them vent for hours.

2. A person who essentially only contacts you when they have a problem, which means all you ever hear from them are negative messages.

3. A person who obviously has come to believe that your life is a walk in the park simply because you choose not to dwell on the negative things in life and as they say, "accentuate the positive". That is to say, you hardly ever complain so they think your life is a steady stream of butterflies and ice cream cones or whatever. But, if they've been paying attention (and remember) they'd know otherwise.

4. A person, who when you recently got yet another message venting, didn't contact you for a week because you FAILED to accept the invitation to their pity party and instead, basically told them to at least try to enjoy the holiday weekend...4th...wishing them well!

5. A person who having experienced a different approach from you, contacts you a week later to basically tell you how ____ their life is and strongly imply that you don't understand even though you've been listening to the same ____ for years and commiserating, spending hours hearing them out and that sort of thing.

Yeah, sue me, I changed my behavior in response to theirs in an effort to disengage.

Does this sound like a toxic person or just someone who is self absorbed and looking for attention? I should add that this same person engages in "vague booking". You know the person who writes something on Facebook like "Oh my god this is the WORST day of my life!!!" so that their Facebook friends will rush in and inquire "What's going on?" "Are you okay?"

You know...middle school stuff.

I'm sure I'll regret this post. I don't think I care at the moment. I'm not sure this crosses the line into full on "toxic", but someone else's in real life input indicated they thought that it does.

Thanks if you'd like to contribute.


The cool totally awesome part is that you don't have to decide if they are toxic or not IF you can selectively disengage from any one toxic behavior. If their reaction is a toxic reaction, disengage. If they react to that toxically, disengage summore. Just keep doing it consistently and, that way, any good behaviors they have will be encouraged and if they have nothing to offer, over time, you might reasonably be able to look back and say, Yup, they were toxic.
_Jersey Girl
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Re: Toxic People

Post by _Jersey Girl »

Ho. Li. Shitake. Mushroom.

Just looked. She's still raving over there.

I have never seen an adult throw a tantrum like this for so long. When I looked in there were about 3-4 more raving posts. Some of them are so manipulative. The reason I decided to document today is because the one that was posted today really takes the cake.

Here it is, word for word...so they took a saying and put it on one of those colored backgrounds. Here's the saying:

"When family/friends go through life not speaking to each other, the day will come when you regret it. It's called "the funeral"!

And here's her remark above that:

Do you think this matters to some people? If so, do something about it while you can. Otherwise, live with yourself and what you decided to do. Sad!


I did want to mention this that I discovered the last time I wrote about it here. Remember I said that she posted a first grade class photo? If you take it and click on it, it enlarges it. When you enlarge it, you can easily see where she took the photo when she was a kid (I'm talking a first grader here) and either scribbled or X'd out the faces of 5 classmates on it.

The behaviors I've seen over the past several weeks are the same methods she's used to deal with conflict since first grade, more likely kindergarten but I didn't have tangible proof of that just memories of what she was like. Instead of communicating with the people she is in conflict with, she finds some way to spite them.

It's fascinating and at the same time, it's very sad and not a little batshit that a presumably grown ass woman still functions as she did when she was 6 years old.
Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.
Chinese Proverb
_MeDotOrg
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Re: Toxic People

Post by _MeDotOrg »

On my trip, I had a total of 19 people who wanted to see me. I couldn't see 3 of them for various reasons and she turned out to be one of them. She's the only person who never invited me to do anything, never invited me to drop over the house (where apparently she is housebound by a puppy--don't ask--never said a word about that prior to my trip), and she's the ONLY person who tried to guilt me on my own trip which I paid actual money for, for not being able to see her.


Jersey Girl, how much time have you spent thinking and writing about 1 of the 3 you couldn't see and not the 16 you could see? She's like a splinter in your thoughts, a little obsessive knot you can't seem to untie. Does it feel like you have invested too much to let go? I'm not trying to be critical just to be critical. I hope you find some resolution and closure. Ask yourself if there is a difference between rational closure and desired closure? Anyway, hope you untie the knot.
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_Jersey Girl
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Re: Toxic People

Post by _Jersey Girl »

Hey Me,

I saw this yesterday but with the holiday preparation, I didn't take time to respond. Anyway, this thread started back in July. Then a coupla months gap, then I followed up in October.

Look at it this way...

1. Hypothesis and Inquiry.
2. Experiment.
3. Evidence and conclusion.

Yes, of course I think about the other folks. I interact with them and talk to them on a regular basis. I wouldn't write about them on a topic about toxic people because they aren't at all toxic nor is their behavior extraordinary. We're all pretty normal for Jersey folks! :lol:
Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.
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Jersey Girl
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Re: Toxic People

Post by Jersey Girl »

Remember this? Five years ago. Took me long enough to find it.

Reason.

Last week a call from this person showed up in my recents. I attributed it to a butt dial.

Nope.

I just got another one an hour ago.

I saved her in my contacts as a heads up to myself for just this very reason. And now...there it is.

Lady, I don't care what you want.

If you are sick, see a doctor.
If you are dying, make your arrangements.
If you are broke and busted,see a banker.
If you want to apologize, too late.
If your family has abandoned you...ask yourself why.

Door's closed. Hit the road.
We only get stronger when we are lifting something that is heavier than what we are used to. ~ KF

Slava Ukraini!
msnobody
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Re: Toxic People

Post by msnobody »

Have you asked “what is it you need from me?”

I’ll have patients who take absolutely no responsibility for their health and blame everyone but themselves for what ever predicament they find themselves in, or a thousand excuses why they haven’t tried the prescribed/ recommended treatment. When I’m triaging this type of patient, I just ask what is it you want the doctor to do about this. I’ll often review the previously recommended treatment and remind the patient of their acceptance/non-acceptance of the treatment. Sometimes people just need it all laid out for them. I think learned behaviors and temperament can play a role in these behaviors.

P.S. I didn’t read all 7 pages as you can probably tell.
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Jersey Girl
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Re: Toxic People

Post by Jersey Girl »

msnobody wrote:
Wed Aug 17, 2022 11:42 pm
Have you asked “what is it you need from me?”

I’ll have patients who take absolutely no responsibility for their health and blame everyone but themselves for what ever predicament they find themselves in, or a thousand excuses why they haven’t tried the prescribed/ recommended treatment. When I’m triaging this type of patient, I just ask what is it you want the doctor to do about this. I’ll often review the previously recommended treatment and remind the patient of their acceptance/non-acceptance of the treatment. Sometimes people just need it all laid out for them. I think learned behaviors and temperament can play a role in these behaviors.

P.S. I didn’t read all 7 pages as you can probably tell.
No and I will not open a door to her. We go back to kindergarten. She's toxic and always has been. She needs the kind of professional help that's not in my resume'. I've gone no contact and that's the way it stays.
We only get stronger when we are lifting something that is heavier than what we are used to. ~ KF

Slava Ukraini!
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