Toxic People

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_Water Dog
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Re: Toxic People

Post by _Water Dog »

Last edited by Guest on Mon Dec 18, 2017 1:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
_Jersey Girl
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Re: Toxic People

Post by _Jersey Girl »

Water Dog wrote:I laughed at "vague booking," that's definitely a thing with some. This recent test that you ran, I think it would be interesting to apply that litmus to posts about the church around here. How many are hyper-negative, etc.

In psychology terms, isn't it usually said that people who behave like this are doing so because something is wrong? Not that we should make their problems into our problem, but I am curious what the source of the pain might be.


The best I can do: difficult childhood. I have pointed out to her many times in the past that she is programmed to feel marginalized. That's her default setting--somebody done done me wrong. But listen, you can't help someone who isn't willing to work on their stuff or even recognize that they have stuff. People who look outward instead of inward for the answers and aren't willing to engage in self reflection or self examination.

But what do I know? She's got a degree in counseling and I don't know jack.
Last edited by Google Feedfetcher on Thu Nov 09, 2017 7:24 am, edited 1 time in total.
Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.
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_Jersey Girl
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Re: Toxic People

Post by _Jersey Girl »

And also that thread I did about vaguebooking. One of the hazards of vaguebooking is that you run the real risk of alienating folks because your Facebook friends are wondering what the hell are you on about now and watching how you deal with relationship conflict.

Eventually they head for the hills and stop responding to it. Just like I did.

So if your world really came crashing down one day, you've already lost any support system you might have had because people wouldn't believe one more "cry wolf" from you. They just see you as emotionally stunted and self absorbed.

It's really self damaging behavior.

I mean what do you do when you reach that point? Cry out that "Nobody cares!" when there's no one left listening to you?

ETA: I'm a little concerned that she's going to come out of the woodwork in attack mode. I'm under no obligation to respond to the call to war. The peace in "detox" over here, has been just wonderful. :-)
Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.
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_Jersey Girl
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Re: Toxic People

Post by _Jersey Girl »

You best start believing in ghost stories Miss Turner. You're in one! ~ Captain Barbosa, The Curse of the Black Pearl

Or in this case, I best be believing in psycho drama because I'm in one, but only by fiat because I haven't done a darn thing but shut my mouth (keyboard) since this person fabricated a conflict out of thin air, began back when I was still on location as it were.

That doesn't mean I haven't wanted to respond to the crazy. I simply refuse.

As of a couple or three days ago, I heard that she's still raving on Facebook and was sent a few examples. It's astounding that she's invested this much time and energy over something that was easily resolved by reading a two sentence message. But, why would anyone who thrives on complaining and maintaining their victim status bother to read messages to determine where the disconnect was? You can't keep a conflict alive by resolving it. ;-)

I still haven't blocked her. I was waiting for the opportune moment and yet torn between blocking and just quietly not saying a word--forever.

If you were waiting for the opportune moment, that was it. ~ Jack Sparrow, Curse of the Black Pearl.

Have I missed it because I tend to overthink? Perhaps so. More to the point, I have to know I'm doing the right or the wisest thing when I end contact with someone. I have to be convinced that I haven't slipped up somewhere. I examined the message exchanges at least 4 times. I was very clear.

I recently took some time to think back and reflect over the past year, on various situations this person has presented to me. How 98% of her communication is presenting conflict. Stewing over conflict. Creating conflict. Posting conflict on Facebook. Faking a great life while messaging conflict to me behind the scenes.

I see the pattern of behavior and I'm not sure how to characterize it or what conclusions to draw--I'm forming some and I think I'm close enough to call it accurate. Since I'm in this psycho drama (by fiat) I find it fascinating because it is happening in real time, it involves me, and there's also that part that wants to make darn sure I haven't slighted anyone before I pull the plug on them, because I'm not someone who sets out to harm or hurt anyone.

I'll give one example of how this person creates conflict. They were posting on Facebook about how they are decluttering and how big a job it is. The son's gf chimes in to say, "Hey watch a couple of episodes of Hoarders. That's what I do!"

She tells me that she tore into the son for that remark and it's "implication" that she's a hoarder and now "the gf isn't talking to me!"

Well yeah. :rolleyes: Because implication was totally absent from the remark and she manufactured a conflict out of thin air. Again. I identified multiple and repeated example of this and also a propensity to couch almost everything in negative terms. Sort of like people who offer the backhanded compliment.

Almost all situations and events are interpreted as a personal slight, a cause for concern, a calamity, a hardship, a problem, a reason to vent, and somebody done done her wrong.

Again.

Conclusion, revelation, question: I suspect there are some people who don't know how to engage others or the world, any other way than by a dynamic wherein they announce a complaint and drawing attention to themselves and their conflict. I suspect they don't know how to draw positive attention to themselves or do they simply not experience a positive state at all? Their relationship with others relies on seeking sympathy?

My god, that is so sad.
Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.
Chinese Proverb
_Jersey Girl
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Re: Toxic People

Post by _Jersey Girl »

Here is one example from weeks ago. The art work on the meme isn't the same, but it's the same words.


YUP! Just what I am going to do! Time has not improved the situation (whatever the heck the situation is, not that I have a clue)! Life is full of choices and THIS ONE, MY DEAR, IS YOURS!

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Comment:

1. Time magically improves a situation. You just sit there and wait for it to happen.

2. The situation is she went off on a rant binge after I said I couldn't switch anyone on two different days, so I could visit her. And tried to guilt me for not being able to do so.

3. Choices. A person could choose to read the exchanges and see that I clearly stated that I couldn't switch anyone on two different days. But if you did that, well then what would you have left with which to fuel your bitchfest?
Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.
Chinese Proverb
_Jersey Girl
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Re: Toxic People

Post by _Jersey Girl »

Last week. A full month after the fact. Not the exact art work. Message is exact.

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Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.
Chinese Proverb
_Jersey Girl
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Re: Toxic People

Post by _Jersey Girl »

And a day later...


Takes a lot but one too many inconsiderate treatments yield this result. Their loss!

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Good. So when can I count on the sudden disappearance to take place? Because I like, you know, disappeared over a month ago the moment she started to go off the rails.
Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.
Chinese Proverb
_Jersey Girl
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Joined: Wed Oct 25, 2006 1:16 am

Re: Toxic People

Post by _Jersey Girl »

Baby Jesus save me. She has publicly (remember I was blocked from friends only posts) posted a first grade class pic and challenged her so and so elementary "peeps" to find themselves in the pic.

There's only 2 of us on her Facebook. Go fish in somebody else's water. This one ain't taken that bait.
Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.
Chinese Proverb
_Jersey Girl
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Joined: Wed Oct 25, 2006 1:16 am

Re: Toxic People

Post by _Jersey Girl »

An hour ago...somebody step on my head and kill me.

Sending right to the one who needs to step up and own it!

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This too!

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There were others leading up to today's activity.
Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.
Chinese Proverb
_canpakes
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Re: Toxic People

Post by _canpakes »

Oh, good gawd. What a ridiculous person. How have you not left this relationship behind long ago for the sake of your own sanity? :biggrin:


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Can you post an image or two in reply to hers?

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After all, you know what's coming next. Might as well head her off at the pass.

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