CNN wrote:For many Mormons, the first line of help outside the family is often the local bishop, a role somewhat akin to a pastor or a rabbi. But, unlike those clergy, the Mormon priesthood is occupied by part-time lay people with little formal training in pastoral work or counseling. And they are all men.
Holderness said Porter emotionally and physically abused her, choked her repeatedly, and in one instance, punched her in the face, leaving her with a black eye. But she said it was hard to talk about her experiences with her bishop, especially with her husband sitting beside her.
Eventually, she told three bishops that Porter was "being physical," she said. She's not sure they understood. She could almost see one wondering, "What does that mean?" Holderness recalls.
It wasn't until she met with a professional counselor, Holderness said, that she was warned about the gravity of her situation. "It was the first time I had someone say to me: This is very serious. You might not feel like your life is in danger now but this is very serious and choking is something that can become life-threatening."
Holderness later divorced Porter, against her bishops' advice, she said. Willoughby, who was married to Porter from 2009 to 2013, also said Mormon bishops discouraged divorce. One of the bishops worked with Porter and warned her that filing a protective order could harm her husband's career. "I was just kind of stunned," Willoughby said.
Religious marriage counseling, like most marriage counseling, is often done quietly, with little public scrutiny, until someone famous or important is accused of something terrible. This week, that happened. Holderness's accusations against Porter, a rising star in the White House, were published in a British tabloid.
If Bishops are to consider their role as counselors in abusive relationships, they need to be more sensitive to the signs of abuse, and when a woman is truly afraid to speak in some situations. They also need to be more aware that often the cycle of abuse can only be stopped by separating the two parties.
As a #MeToo moment, it also shows the dangers of having one sex define the norms for marriage.