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The Theory of Time and Trump
Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2018 2:44 pm
by _moksha
LIVERMORE, CA - The Director of the Lawrence Livermore Laboratory, Dr. Tom Tomorrow, has proposed a new theory of time and Trump.
Dr. Tomorrow proposes that Trump's brain is such a dense vortex of narcissistic self-absorption, that it has literally collapsed on itself - creating a localized black hole in the fabric of our universe. The gravitational forces trying to rip us apart become more severe the closer we get to Donald Trump - which explains the chaos constantly swirling around him in the White House and - time becomes dilated in the event horizon of a black hole.
Until now, no one knew what the experience would be like from the inside, but if Dr. Tomorrow's theory is correct, we are all trapped in the event horizon of the hole in the President's brain - and time no longer has any meaning. That is why such a tremendous number of calamities seem to be happening all at once.
This is all so technical, but it seems to explain the jumble of Vladimir Putin, Russian hackers, Facebook, Cambridge Analytica, obstructing justice, the Mueller investigation, Steve Bannon, white nationalism, White House nepotism, horrendously bad cabinet appointments, and Stormy Daniels.
Re: The Theory of Time and Trump
Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2018 5:44 pm
by _Quasimodo
I agree that there must have been a neurological implosion, but I think "Black Hole" may be a misnomer. Perhaps "Orange Hole" would be more appropriate or just simply "Ass Hole".
Re: The Theory of Time and Trump
Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2018 9:22 pm
by _grindael
Or... he has gotten a tumor from eating all that junk food, which is singing "I'm a tumor" over and over again very loudly in his head...
Re: The Theory of Time and Trump
Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2018 11:04 pm
by _Some Schmo
This theory rings true. One thing we know about black holes is that they are extremely dense.
Re: The Theory of Time and Trump
Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 3:26 am
by _MeDotOrg
I think we should send a probe into the black hole, a bold, fearless adventurer, someone capable of communicating the parameters of what they experience. I nominate Ted Nugent.
Re: The Theory of Time and Trump
Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 12:28 pm
by _Some Schmo
MeDotOrg wrote:I think we should send a probe into the black hole, a bold, fearless adventurer, someone capable of communicating the parameters of what they experience. I nominate Ted Nugent.
You'd have to shrink him down, Inner Space style, for him to complete the mission, and I'm not sure Ted Nugent could be a smaller person.