The Time Trump Raped a Goat on Camera
Posted: Mon Sep 30, 2019 6:46 pm
And then there was the time Trump raped a goat.
A new report has surfaced that alleges Trump forcibly raped a goat on camera, and then tried to hide the camera footage in a secure safe. Unfortunately for him, he was broadcasting the footage live. The vast majority of Americans have now seen the footage, and most people agree, Trump raped a goat.
Let's be clear: Trump is not denying that he had sex with the goat. He even released a selfie of him with his dick in the goat, thinking it would exonerate him. He's said over and over again that it was a perfect sex, claiming the goat said he never "pushed" him. But what's the goat going to say? Trump had cut off his food, and had him in a big harness.
Meanwhile, Republicans are saying the sex was consensual. They aren't denying it happened either, they just don't think it's a crime. Calling it a rape is just a Democrat plot to smear an elected president. Despite pictures of the goat's shredded asshole and the fact that the entire incident was caught on camera, the GOP is holding firm that there was nothing wrong with the goat rape. Kevin McCarthy said that the rape footage is fake and doesn't match up with Trump's selfie, even though everything about them is the same, including the background and the harness in which the goat was strapped. It's almost as though McCarthy decided not to watch the video.
This morning, the president tweeted out, "WITCH HUNT!! IT WAS CONSENSUAL!! ADAM SCHIFF RAPES GOATS!! HE SHOULD BE INVESTIGATED!! ALSO, CHECK MIKE PENCE'S RECORD ON GOATS!! SAD!!"
Meanwhile, evangelicals are pouring over obscure biblical quotes looking for anything to condone goat damned. Some are simply claiming he was taking the goat's temperature.
A new rumor has started that goats are the main mode of caravan transportation up through Mexico, and that the goat should be investigated and potentially locked up.
We've also seen a recent uptick in reported bestiality incidents in Arkansas and Oklahoma, but that might just be the weather.
A new report has surfaced that alleges Trump forcibly raped a goat on camera, and then tried to hide the camera footage in a secure safe. Unfortunately for him, he was broadcasting the footage live. The vast majority of Americans have now seen the footage, and most people agree, Trump raped a goat.
Let's be clear: Trump is not denying that he had sex with the goat. He even released a selfie of him with his dick in the goat, thinking it would exonerate him. He's said over and over again that it was a perfect sex, claiming the goat said he never "pushed" him. But what's the goat going to say? Trump had cut off his food, and had him in a big harness.
Meanwhile, Republicans are saying the sex was consensual. They aren't denying it happened either, they just don't think it's a crime. Calling it a rape is just a Democrat plot to smear an elected president. Despite pictures of the goat's shredded asshole and the fact that the entire incident was caught on camera, the GOP is holding firm that there was nothing wrong with the goat rape. Kevin McCarthy said that the rape footage is fake and doesn't match up with Trump's selfie, even though everything about them is the same, including the background and the harness in which the goat was strapped. It's almost as though McCarthy decided not to watch the video.
This morning, the president tweeted out, "WITCH HUNT!! IT WAS CONSENSUAL!! ADAM SCHIFF RAPES GOATS!! HE SHOULD BE INVESTIGATED!! ALSO, CHECK MIKE PENCE'S RECORD ON GOATS!! SAD!!"
Meanwhile, evangelicals are pouring over obscure biblical quotes looking for anything to condone goat damned. Some are simply claiming he was taking the goat's temperature.
A new rumor has started that goats are the main mode of caravan transportation up through Mexico, and that the goat should be investigated and potentially locked up.
We've also seen a recent uptick in reported bestiality incidents in Arkansas and Oklahoma, but that might just be the weather.