The Grass is Purple
Posted: Wed Nov 27, 2019 2:19 pm
UNIVERSALLY ACCEPTED FACT: Grass is green.
Trump: *tweets* Grass iz purpil.
EVERYONE WHO HAS EYES: Is he saying that grass is purple? Um, no it’s not. It’s green.
FOX NEWS: Grass is purple.
CNN: Breaking news: New debate rages about whether grass is green or purple.
EVERYONE: I’m sorry, what? Grass is green. There’s no debate.
CNN: Well we have to be fair and legitimize both sides.
EVERYONE: Grass is green. There is no other side.
Trump: *addresses news media on White House lawn*
REPORTER: What about the green grass that you’re literally standing on?
Trump: You’re very rude. The fake news media is very unfair to me!
Trump BASE: *chanting* Grass is purple! Grass is purple!
KELLYANNE: The democrats are trying to shove green grass down your throats because they’re all SOCIALISTS.
RUSSIAN TROLL ONLINE: Hillary Clinton has child slaves underneath a pizza parlor in Queens stealing everyone’s purple grass and painting it green.
Trump: *retweets Russian troll*
NEWS MEDIA: *legitimizes retweet by airing footage of it all day*
TUCKER: The Democrats are coming for your grass! 2nd amendment!!!
JIM JORDAN: *screaming* THEY HAVE NO PROOF WHATSOEVER THAT GRASS IS GREEN! NONE!
SCIENTISTS: Um, actually, we have irrefutable scientific proo...
JIM JORDAN: *screaming louder than all the scientists* NONE!!
HANNITY: Anybody that tells you grass is green is part of the deep state.
YOU: But grass IS green.
YOUR GRANDMOTHER AT THANKSGIVING DINNER: Are you part of the deep stage?
YOUR COUSIN IN PENSACOLA: *posts Breitbart meme on Facebook of cartoon frog smoking purple grass*
Trump: *tweets* Deep state! Socialists! 2nd amendment! I saw green grass the other day but it was artificial turf! That’s proof that all green grass is FAKE!
NEW YORK TIMES HEADLINE: Grass still green.
NOBODY: *reads newspapers*
RNC: *already mass producing purple hats with clever 2020 re-election slogan all made in China*
CHINA: *laughing in Chinese* Americans are assholes.
BARR: The report states that Trump is totally exonerated.
EVERYONE: There is no report.
LANDSCAPER IN INDIANA: It’s against my religious beliefs to plant green grass.
Trump: *already onto the next scandal*
EVERYONE: Oh for "F"s sake. Sure. Grass is purple. This is too damned exhausting. Who cares anymore.
UNIVERSALLY ACCEPTED FACT: Grass is now both green and purple at the exact same time.
PLANET EARTH: *heats up to the point where grass no longer exists*
Trump: *tweets* Grass iz purpil.
EVERYONE WHO HAS EYES: Is he saying that grass is purple? Um, no it’s not. It’s green.
FOX NEWS: Grass is purple.
CNN: Breaking news: New debate rages about whether grass is green or purple.
EVERYONE: I’m sorry, what? Grass is green. There’s no debate.
CNN: Well we have to be fair and legitimize both sides.
EVERYONE: Grass is green. There is no other side.
Trump: *addresses news media on White House lawn*
REPORTER: What about the green grass that you’re literally standing on?
Trump: You’re very rude. The fake news media is very unfair to me!
Trump BASE: *chanting* Grass is purple! Grass is purple!
KELLYANNE: The democrats are trying to shove green grass down your throats because they’re all SOCIALISTS.
RUSSIAN TROLL ONLINE: Hillary Clinton has child slaves underneath a pizza parlor in Queens stealing everyone’s purple grass and painting it green.
Trump: *retweets Russian troll*
NEWS MEDIA: *legitimizes retweet by airing footage of it all day*
TUCKER: The Democrats are coming for your grass! 2nd amendment!!!
JIM JORDAN: *screaming* THEY HAVE NO PROOF WHATSOEVER THAT GRASS IS GREEN! NONE!
SCIENTISTS: Um, actually, we have irrefutable scientific proo...
JIM JORDAN: *screaming louder than all the scientists* NONE!!
HANNITY: Anybody that tells you grass is green is part of the deep state.
YOU: But grass IS green.
YOUR GRANDMOTHER AT THANKSGIVING DINNER: Are you part of the deep stage?
YOUR COUSIN IN PENSACOLA: *posts Breitbart meme on Facebook of cartoon frog smoking purple grass*
Trump: *tweets* Deep state! Socialists! 2nd amendment! I saw green grass the other day but it was artificial turf! That’s proof that all green grass is FAKE!
NEW YORK TIMES HEADLINE: Grass still green.
NOBODY: *reads newspapers*
RNC: *already mass producing purple hats with clever 2020 re-election slogan all made in China*
CHINA: *laughing in Chinese* Americans are assholes.
BARR: The report states that Trump is totally exonerated.
EVERYONE: There is no report.
LANDSCAPER IN INDIANA: It’s against my religious beliefs to plant green grass.
Trump: *already onto the next scandal*
EVERYONE: Oh for "F"s sake. Sure. Grass is purple. This is too damned exhausting. Who cares anymore.
UNIVERSALLY ACCEPTED FACT: Grass is now both green and purple at the exact same time.
PLANET EARTH: *heats up to the point where grass no longer exists*