Italian National Lockdown drives 30% increase in divorces

[_ajax18]

ROME — Two and a half months of forced lockdown has pushed many married couples into crisis, Italian media report, and divorce filings have seen a whopping 30 percent increase since the outbreak began.

Marriage counselors took to Skype and WhatsApp to help struggling couples cope with the stress of lost jobs and extended co-confinement during the 67 days of national lockdown but this did not stop the surge in requests for divorce, Corriere della Sera reported last week.

According to accounts related by counselors, the irritation caused by everything from badly squeezed toothpaste tubes, socks left on the floor, suspicious phone calls, and tight shared spaces has been magnified by the extended lockdown, resulting in a run on the divorce courts

The occasional relief of home tensions from a dip in the sea or a walk in the woods was no longer an option, resulting in homes becoming virtual pressure cookers, with prolonged silence alternating with outbreaks of angry shouting, recriminations, and even domestic violence.
For this reason Italy’s National Lawyers Council made the decision to allow couples in certain regions to request divorce by email, to be followed by an online hearing to be conducted virtually by the lawyers, without the participation of the parties.

One marriage counselor, Annamaria Bernardini de Pace, says she received no less than sixty emails after the lockdown began and when phase 2 was launched on May 4, twelve couples initiated divorce proceedings.

“One client of mine kicked her husband out of the house, who had to go back and live with his mother,” she said. “In the auto-certification, he wrote that he needed to take care of her because she was sick.”
According to Gian Ettore Gassani, president of the Italian association of marriage counselors, a number of marriages fell apart because affairs were discovered.

“One husband hoped to get away with the excuse of the mile-long line at the supermarket,” Gassani said. “In reality he was visiting his lover, who was also the next-door neighbor, and he sent another person to the supermarket in his place.”

“The problem was that his wife became suspicious and followed him,” Gassani added. “The result was that they called me at one o’clock in the morning and I don’t know who was screaming more, the wife or the husband.”

In just two days he saw 8 couples looking to end things, he said, an outcome he expected after weeks of consulting via Skype, telephone, and
Valeria De Vellis, a well-known divorce lawyer, said that her usual practice is to send troubled couples to therapy if they are still talking to each other, especially if they have children, but that is not working these days.

When there's not even a temporary escape from the bitching and mental/emotional abuse...

[_Some Schmo]

I honestly pity people who can't get along with their own spouse. I understand it's common, but I find it strange all the same.

[_ajax18]

I honestly pity people who can't get along with their own spouse. I understand it's common, but I find it strange all the same.

Once you have kids you never really get free of an abusive spouse.

[_Doctor CamNC4Me]

Man, you need to sack the “F” up and divorce this person who makes you feel so miserable. Who knows? You might be doing each other a favor.

- Doc

[_Some Schmo]

Once you have kids you never really get free of an abusive spouse.

Dude, you can fight or flight. If you're going to flight, do it physically, not emotionally. It does your children no good watching their parents modelling an abusive relationship. You're setting them up to fail in their own relationships.

Abuse is an incident. Long term abuse is a choice.

[_Jersey Girl]

When there's not even a temporary escape from the bitching and mental/emotional abuse...

I don't want to assume anything here but it's hard not to. I should ask you to define mental/emotional abuse. Name calling? Critical remarks? If there are critical remarks--is any of it true? Since you used the term "bitching" I think I'm safe assuming that you're identifying the wife as the abuser, though men can bitch as good as any woman can. Still, it's commonly used to describe women who are complaining.

Could the wife be fed up with a man for truth/reality-based reasons and be at her wits end?

[_DoubtingThomas]

I honestly pity people who can't get along with their own spouse. I understand it's common, but I find it strange all the same.

It's all evolution. Humans did not evolve to be with the same person for life.

[_Jersey Girl]

Okay that said, I will admit that during 2 months of lock down we've been getting on each other's nerves here and there. I think that's pretty normal when you're like "oh it's you again" day after day. I think you have to recognize the situation for what it is and make accommodations for each other and I don't mean picking a spot in the yard for the other one's imminent burial because even if you have a 4-wheel drive with tow straps to drag the body across the property, if you only have a tree spade that's not going to dig the hole deep enough and how are you going to get the body out of the house anyway? Roll it?

I haven't thought about any of this. I so promise.

When you aren't interacting or not feeling like it, you just give each other personal space and uninterrupted time. If you need alone time--make that clear just don't say passive aggressive things like "you know that tree spade has your name written all over it" or "did you notice that part of the property would make a nice grave site?" There's always a chance one of the cell phones is on recording every word you say and I'm skeptical about what Alexa might be picking up.

[_Jersey Girl]

I honestly pity people who can't get along with their own spouse. I understand it's common, but I find it strange all the same.

It's all evolution. Humans did not evolve to be with the same person for life.

Relationships evolve.

[Guest]

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