My life sucks.

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Dr. Shades
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My life sucks.

Post by Dr. Shades »

This thread isn’t meant to excuse myself from the sock-puppet thread—I’ll get back to it—but I have hinted at some severe setbacks in my professional life. They were actually bad enough that I broke down into abject tears and needed to be driven home and speak to a chaplain at one point. I eventually had to self-demote two steps and take two cuts in pay just to extricate myself from a situation that had become utterly unbearable. I’ll give details later. Thank goodness they granted me extended time off.

As for right now, though, after 26 years of marriage my divorce was finalized two days ago. I’m staying in the home. Today was her last day here—we kept living together throughout the entire process—and I was initially happy and relieved. But being at home and alone for the first time in 26 years, seeing the things of hers that she left behind because she didn’t want them (to include a picture I gave her on her birthday many years ago that hung on our wall constantly since then), the depression and loneliness is overwhelming. Here I sit at 6:06 a.m. Thanksgiving morning, having not slept, weeping all over again. Yes, I was the one who asked for the divorce, so why am I so broken up over getting what I asked for? I’ll be eating Thanksgiving dinner with my mother and stepfather, so I won’t be by myself, but being here alone in this semi-empty house after 26 years of marriage is hurting so badly that I actually got desperate enough to reach out to people here on a message board at 6:06 a.m. just to have some vestige of human contact. How utterly lame is that?

Like I said, I’m not using this as an excuse to shirk my duties in the sock puppet thread; I’ll get to it. That said, I will enthusiastically accept any prayers, thoughts, or positive vibes you choose to send my way. There’s no need to respond to this.
"It’s ironic that the Church that people claim to be true, puts so much effort into hiding truths."
--I Have Questions, 01-25-2024
Chap
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Re: My life sucks.

Post by Chap »

Dear Dr Shades,

You have all my sympathy at this dark time. That is a real double whammy of bad experiences to suffer, and neither of them sound like the kind of thing that will go away if the sun shines tomorrow.

All suggestions for alleviation risk being impertinent or irrelevant. But some people in terrible situations like the one you describe have said that they found it helpful to locate some other people in a bad situation and help them. The Buddhists are, I think, correct in saying that loving-kindness shown in actions towards others has a good cause-and-effect link to the well-being of the person who does the kind act. You might give it a try ... something like going out and giving a homeless person a sandwich and a coke might be a good emergency sticking plaster to try out now.

All the best from one of your loyal but anonymous friends,

Chap
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Dr. Shades
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Re: My life sucks.

Post by Dr. Shades »

All the reasons I wanted a divorce so badly for so many years have melted away. At least I had companionship. Shouldn’t that have counted for something?

This is so, so hard. I’m in so much pain right now. What have I done?

I’m reminded of Yoda’s reveal in The Empire Strikes Back. Referring to Luke, he said, “Long have I watched this one. Always his mind on adventure. The horizon. Never his mind on where he was. What he was doing.” Focusing so much on my annoyances and how much better off I thought I’d be without her, did I fail to sit down, focus, and concentrate on what I had or what I could do to improve things? Did I really do everything in my power?

Oh man, this hurts. This hurts so badly. So incredibly badly. My gosh, this is just so, so hard.
"It’s ironic that the Church that people claim to be true, puts so much effort into hiding truths."
--I Have Questions, 01-25-2024
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Doctor CamNC4Me
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Re: My life sucks.

Post by Doctor CamNC4Me »

But, what if we do want to respond to your heartfelt post? Here’s an Internet hug:

Image

Also, divorce sucks. Like. All of it. Leading up to it. Doing it. And the stuff afterward. Here, feel the warm embrace of your mormondiscussions frens:

Image

Solidarity.

- Doc
Hugh Nibley claimed he bumped into Adolf Hitler, Albert Einstein, Winston Churchill, Gertrude Stein, and the Grand Duke Vladimir Romanoff. Dishonesty is baked into Mormonism.
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ceeboo
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Re: My life sucks.

Post by ceeboo »

Hey Shades
Dr. Shades wrote:
Thu Nov 25, 2021 1:21 pm
..... I will enthusiastically accept any prayers, thoughts, or positive vibes you choose to send my way.
At times, life can hammer us humans with some of most heavy doses of seemingly unbearbale, emotionally overpowering, intensely painful, and deeply confusing moments that can literally take over our thoughts and leave us in a place where we feel hopeless, depressed and paralyszed. I am very sorry to hear that you find yourself in one of these awful times (especially so given that today is Thanksgiving.)

As I am sure you know, I am a Bible believeing Christian so I will pray for you (and your x-wife) and ask for comfort and grace to be supplied for you and yours during this season as you try to navigate your way through this storm.

If you need anything (including an ear) please don't hesitate to reach out to me.

Not sure what else to say so I will leave it there.

Thinking of you - Sincerely,
Ceeboo
Dr Exiled
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Re: My life sucks.

Post by Dr Exiled »

I went through two divorces and each was horrible for different reasons. It hurts but it gets better over time. So, try to stay positive and be social. Times like these you need social interaction, even if it is on the internet and there is no shame in that. Maybe join a club or play in a sports league. Hang in there brother!
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Some Schmo
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Re: My life sucks.

Post by Some Schmo »

Dude...

I'm really sorry to hear all this. I had no idea you were going through a divorce.

Obviously, it's easy for me to sit here and think about how time heals, and if you can keep that in mind and hang in there, things will come around, but very few people want to hear that when they're grieving a loss. So all I will say is that you've got your MD family here and despite our arguments, I continue to think you're a good guy and my heart goes out to you. Go ahead and talk to us as much as you need to.

Be well, buddy.
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Marcus
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Re: My life sucks.

Post by Marcus »

That's rough, so sorry to hear this. I've been through a divorce too, and I recall feeling really raw in the moment also. Maybe consider that in your previous efforts, you did do the right thing for yourself in getting a divorce, and now is just a very, very difficult time to think level-headed about it. Hang in there.
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canpakes
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Re: My life sucks.

Post by canpakes »

Dr. Shades wrote:
Thu Nov 25, 2021 1:21 pm
… being here alone in this semi-empty house after 26 years of marriage is hurting so badly that I actually got desperate enough to reach out to people here on a message board at 6:06 a.m. just to have some vestige of human contact. How utterly lame is that?
It is absolutely not lame. It’s very human.

Be good to yourself today, Shades.
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Doctor CamNC4Me
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Re: My life sucks.

Post by Doctor CamNC4Me »

canpakes wrote:
Thu Nov 25, 2021 5:07 pm
Dr. Shades wrote:
Thu Nov 25, 2021 1:21 pm
… being here alone in this semi-empty house after 26 years of marriage is hurting so badly that I actually got desperate enough to reach out to people here on a message board at 6:06 a.m. just to have some vestige of human contact. How utterly lame is that?
It is absolutely not lame. It’s very human.

Be good to yourself today, Shades.
For sure, it’s the most human thing a person can do - to reach out to a tribe of sorts, and lean on them. It makes me wish I were still in SLC, I’d hang out with a brother and be present.

- Doc
Hugh Nibley claimed he bumped into Adolf Hitler, Albert Einstein, Winston Churchill, Gertrude Stein, and the Grand Duke Vladimir Romanoff. Dishonesty is baked into Mormonism.
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