My life sucks.

[Marcus]

yea, the decorating thing would just feel like another chore to me. I'd almost suggest hiring somebody to do it, but if money is an issue then at the very least hire someone to do the housework. That can be just basic to keep the expenses down, but it in my opinion cuts down on mental aggravation a LOT which seems crucial now for Shades. The last time I lived alone I paid $50 a week (I know I know, it was decades ago and cheap)for someone to do all that shite and it felt like the biggest luxury possible for the cheapest price.

But hanging some art could work. Doc really seems to enjoy his cigar thing too, I think I'd add that if I lived alone or with someone not bothered by it.

I posed questions to help him think about what he likes to do and make a space for it. To honor himself and his interests. I did mention photography and framing what he shoots. Also mentioned considering styles and painting, depending on what stage of grief he's in and suggested he revisit the thread and comments as he moves forward.

I didn't tell him to decorate per se. I guess that depends on one's definition of decorating. I dunno.

Oops, sorry, I was just going off gad's point. You're right, you didn't really suggest decorating exactly. I do like the painting and hanging art advice, and I do stand by my suggestion to hire out the basic cleaning. And rip up that linoleum. Definitely. Staining it feels like a vindictive move that just needs to be removed.

[Jersey Girl]

Oops, sorry, I was just going off gad's point. You're right, you didn't really suggest decorating exactly. I do like the painting and hanging art advice, and I do stand by my suggestion to hire out the basic cleaning. And rip up that linoleum. Definitely. Staining it feels like a vindictive move that just needs to be removed.

I could envision a home office with the computer, printer, whatever goes with it, that could be a studio of sorts. I know he creates art but I can't recall atm if it's digital or by hand. I think he works manually. Art could be his own renderings or posters of Perfume, whatever he likes. Heck if you've got the whole place to yourself you could turn your living room into a full on studio. I've seen photos of people who have done that and honored their creative side. I would do that myself but I share space so I took over a spare bedroom for that.

As to the linoleum, demo-ing that could make for a really satisfying exit ceremony. I once took a screw driver to a certain painting. I stabbed the crap out of it, then tossed it in a dumpster, and walked away both symbolically and physically. It's very refreshing to create ceremonies such as that when one has gone through a tough passage. Even when the ceremonies are created spontaneously like that one of mine was. I'd been told to discard this painting into the dumpster. I started walking towards the dumpster carrying the painting, turned back and pulled a screw driver out of the dash and went for it. For MYSELF.

[Jersey Girl]

Rather than feeling proud that I finally have a place that's all mine--or, more accurately, the bank's, but you know what I mean--my home actually feels oppressive to be in. I nearly always dread returning there. So, I've looked for any and all excuses to be anywhere else but there.

Art. The home is your blank canvas to reflect your being to the world. It is the outward expression of the inner mind, body, and spirit. The color of your home reflects the primal nature of your being and the mood you evoke from the core being of who you are. You. Your spirit. Your mind. Act upon this canvas and express your spirit, and in turn the canvas will act upon you and align your spirit. Do art in your home, because it’ll do back to you every time your eyes see it, and then it’ll move your spirit back into alignment because the art you create or place in your home is reciprocal in nature.

Sound. Fill your space with your sound. Every morning, for example, I play a tonal, meditative track from the YouTube channel Meditative Mind. Between the curated space and the tonality of the music my home is a temple, and I’m a monk.

Scent. Fill your space with scents that evoke and calm your spirit. Especially in the mornings.

Mindful practices. For example, after I set the stage in the morning with lighting, sound, and scents I prepare for my morning cigar. I make ‘analog’ coffee. I boil the water, and pour it over the coffee grounds into a carafe. I carefully let the water absorb into the grounds, and then I observe it. I continue this repetition, slowly pouring water over the grounds until the carafe is full. I am part of this process, by my hands, and it balances me out in the moment.

What you’ve been seeking, in the back of your mind for all these years will come. You released the things from your life that have thrown you out of balance, and now it’s a matter of you. It’s time to tend your own garden. What an opportunity, brother. Make the most of it.

- Doc

Hark! A kindred spirit. I'm not at all surprised. Mindfulness, sensory input, rituals, it's all there. My differences are that I don't begin by filling my space with sound, I prefer silence. While my tea (your coffee) is brewing, I always go outside on the back porch and sit there. Even in winter. Smell the fresh air, observe the trees and sky. Listen to the sound of the wind or birds, or the soft sounds of snow falling. It does make a sound. This is me every single day of my life so long as I can manage it and has been for several decades. It's only after that ritual that my lights turn on and I'm ready for the world...and my day.

Fact: If anyone talks to me before these things are accomplished, I won't remember what they said to me.

Practicing mindfulness and creating rituals are everything. It sets how you welcome the world when you have to go into it and if you don't have to go into it, it sets the tone of a day spent with yourself. I've heard others refer to these practices as slow living. That kind of does speak to the practice of doing one thing at a time and giving it your attention. Losing yourself in it and somehow finding yourself in it. It will center you though it might be hard to maintain it when others are present. Still, you can protect that space if others are aware of your practice. In my life, the family is aware of what I do each day right on down to our youngest member.

[Jersey Girl]

Dr. Shades,

Gad mentioned something about God belief and going to a non-LDS church. If you are interested in that, I would suggest a community church if there are any around you. I think you would find that experience somewhat familiar but also spiritually refreshing. My growing up church was a non-denominational community church. You might like that if you're interested in a church.

In any case, and keep in mind that I don't often share religious stuff here, but if you are interested...you can find Bible study books online to use for what are called daily devotions. I don't know if you are familiar with that term but it essentially means spending time with God and/or the Bible each day.

Perhaps you, like me, have read the entire Bible cover to cover as a younger person, and may have read it cover to cover more than once, essentially by rote, and not benefited from it much other than to say that you've done it. The devotional studies take you inside scripture on a deeper level. I'm really appreciating this one in my own life.

Get out of your Head Study Guide. A study in Philippians: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310116376?ps ... ct_details

That's an example of what I am talking about. There were several reasons I chose Philippians that had to do with in real life experiences during which I had kept calling to mind certain verses and didn't realize at the time that they were all contained in Philippians. So...off I go into the study.

I, personally, would stay away from what are called prosperity gospel preachers like Joel Osteen. I'm confident you would recognize cult-ish preaching and doctrine if you were faced with it.

Anyway, if God is a part of your current experience, you cannot go wrong with daily prayer. Simple as that!