Generation X's Method of Parenting

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Jersey Girl
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Re: Generation X's Method of Parenting

Post by Jersey Girl »

Vēritās wrote:
Sat Aug 27, 2022 10:17 am
I think its interesting how these boomer parents think it is OK to beat the crap out of their kids simply because their parents did the same to them and ... "I turned out OK!"

Did you really though?
As a child I never got the crap beat out of me and neither did my children. I did get one spanking.

For swearing.

Not sure where I got the word "bastards" from.

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Re: Generation X's Method of Parenting

Post by Vēritās »

huckelberry wrote:
Sat Aug 27, 2022 9:30 pm
Vēritās wrote:
Sat Aug 27, 2022 10:17 am
I think its interesting how these boomer parents think it is OK to beat the crap out of their kids simply because their parents did the same to them and ... "I turned out OK!"

Did you really though?
veritas, I am puzzled as to where this odd thought came from or to what it was intended to reply to. I am a boomer ,was not beat as a child and have not done such. I actually do not know of anybody I grew up with who was beat and did the same. I realize that does not mean that there are no people that the picture fits but I find it a strange generalization.
It isn't a response to anyone here, but it is a constant meme I've seen on social media over the years. The way the older generation mocks and belittles the younger generation as being irresponsible, lazy, participation trophy recipients, etc. I've seen more than a few memes talking about how whipping is no longer acceptable and that we should bring it back. And it is true. If you smack the crap out of your kid in public you're likely going to get arrested.

But not when I was a kid.

My Mom used to justify her use of corporal punishment by saying that's how she was raised. My Dad never did though. It was always our Mom. I remember the first time I saw my own blood was at an airport bathroom somewhere in Germany. I must've been about 6 or 7. I don't know what I did wrong, I just remember getting slapped so hard across the face my nose started bleeding and I was watching it happen in the mirror with dizzy eyes.

Also, lately in the news is this talk about a school instituting corporal punishment at the request of parents. WTF?

Missouri School District To Reinstitute Spanking As Punishment For Students

I'm against this too. I attended a private school that did this all the time. It was abused as a system, and kids would make a sport out of getting others in trouble just so they would get a "lick" with the paddle. The class would laugh and cheer every time the teacher announced, "That's a lick." They'd go even crazier if he said "that's two licks."

Anyway, I'm frankly sick and tired of people older than me insisting how being spanked made them better people, more responsible, more ambitious, etc. What a crock of crap. I've never laid a finger on any of my kids. There has never been a scenario that called for it. If you cannot talk to your children and reason with them and convince them they're doing something wrong, then you don't need to be parenting.

https://www.quora.com/When-they-were-sm ... punishment
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Re: Generation X's Method of Parenting

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"I am not an American ... In my view premarital sex should be illegal ...(there are) mentally challenged people with special needs like myself- Ajax18
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Re: Generation X's Method of Parenting

Post by huckelberry »

Veritas, thank you for the explanation of what you were thinking about. I was not particularly aware of a movement in the direction you mention. I realize that in the 50s or 60s there was a variety of attitudes about corporal punishment in society.

I do not buy the idea that corporal punishment instills respect for others. It might help raise people who find themselves respecting Trump.It might instill a particular disrespect for others.
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Re: Generation X's Method of Parenting

Post by Chap »

huckelberry wrote:
Sun Aug 28, 2022 4:45 pm
I do not buy the idea that corporal punishment instills respect for others.
Well, to the extent it does work, it instils respect along the lines of the 'respect' accorded to a mafia boss who will have you dealt with if you don't give him what he wants and smile while you do it. Habitual violence to children teaches them that violence to those weaker than yourself is acceptable and a normal way of dealing with conflict.

And what is more, there are more effective ways of making your children behave decently, like spending a lot of time with them, sharing meals with them, and talking with them like they mattered. It takes up time you could spend watching TV, but it's actually very enjoyable once you get yourselves and them into the habit. If you don't like doing that kind of thing, why have kids?
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Re: Generation X's Method of Parenting

Post by huckelberry »

Chap wrote:
Sun Aug 28, 2022 8:40 pm
huckelberry wrote:
Sun Aug 28, 2022 4:45 pm
I do not buy the idea that corporal punishment instills respect for others.
Well, to the extent it does work, it instils respect along the lines of the 'respect' accorded to a mafia boss who will have you dealt with if you don't give him what he wants and smile while you do it. Habitual violence to children teaches them that violence to those weaker than yourself is acceptable and a normal way of dealing with conflict.

And what is more, there are more effective ways of making your children behave decently, like spending a lot of time with them, sharing meals with them, and talking with them like they mattered. It takes up time you could spend watching TV, but it's actually very enjoyable once you get yourselves and them into the habit. If you don't like doing that kind of thing, why have kids?
Chap, I think you have accurate observations here. They fit why I wonder if corporal punishment lies behind people eager to support Trump, he may fit their parental ideal which creates respect without judgement. I suppose I have no actual statistical support for the idea so it might be long on prejudice and assumption. I found that black shirt message offensive and responded with a gut reaction.

When I was in Junior high school a paddle was sometimes used for discipline.It use was not widespread but afew who seem to gravitate towards receiving it seem to take a touch of pride in being able to tolerate it. Jr High may be a time when a realization that social rules at some point are enforced by force in all societies. That reality needs recognition but dispensing a lot of punishment is not adequate instruction as you point out.
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Re: Generation X's Method of Parenting

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Vēritās wrote:
Sun Aug 28, 2022 2:57 am

My Mom used to justify her use of corporal punishment by saying that's how she was raised. My Dad never did though. It was always our Mom. I remember the first time I saw my own blood was at an airport bathroom somewhere in Germany. I must've been about 6 or 7. I don't know what I did wrong, I just remember getting slapped so hard across the face my nose started bleeding and I was watching it happen in the mirror with dizzy eyes.
Reading this cut me like a knife.
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Re: Generation X's Method of Parenting

Post by Vēritās »

Jersey Girl wrote:
Sun Aug 28, 2022 10:18 pm
Vēritās wrote:
Sun Aug 28, 2022 2:57 am

My Mom used to justify her use of corporal punishment by saying that's how she was raised. My Dad never did though. It was always our Mom. I remember the first time I saw my own blood was at an airport bathroom somewhere in Germany. I must've been about 6 or 7. I don't know what I did wrong, I just remember getting slapped so hard across the face my nose started bleeding and I was watching it happen in the mirror with dizzy eyes.
Reading this cut me like a knife.
Sorry, that wasn't my intention. This was a long time ago and I've gotten over it. It wasn't the first or even the worst case of physical abuse I experienced growing up. But as bad as the physical abuse was, I would have to say the emotional abuse was the hardest part about growing up that way. Other friends and family I knew got it just as bad or maybe even worse than I did. I just thought it was a normal part of growing up and didn't see any sign of it being abnormal until we left Alabama and moved to Atlanta in 1987. I was 16 at the time and that was when I encountered the Mormon family across the street. I think the lack of physical violence in their household was one of the things that attracted me to them.
"I am not an American ... In my view premarital sex should be illegal ...(there are) mentally challenged people with special needs like myself- Ajax18
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Re: Generation X's Method of Parenting

Post by Jersey Girl »

Vēritās wrote:
Mon Aug 29, 2022 2:58 am
Jersey Girl wrote:
Sun Aug 28, 2022 10:18 pm


Reading this cut me like a knife.
Sorry, that wasn't my intention. This was a long time ago and I've gotten over it. It wasn't the first or even the worst case of physical abuse I experienced growing up. But as bad as the physical abuse was, I would have to say the emotional abuse was the hardest part about growing up that way. Other friends and family I knew got it just as bad or maybe even worse than I did. I just thought it was a normal part of growing up and didn't see any sign of it being abnormal until we left Alabama and moved to Atlanta in 1987. I was 16 at the time and that was when I encountered the Mormon family across the street. I think the lack of physical violence in their household was one of the things that attracted me to them.
You deserved none of it. I'm happy that observing the Mormon family gave you a view into another way of living and parenting.

Without question, you became a good Dad.
We only get stronger when we are lifting something that is heavier than what we are used to. ~ KF

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Re: Generation X's Method of Parenting

Post by Doctor CamNC4Me »

Vēritās wrote:
Mon Aug 29, 2022 2:58 am
Jersey Girl wrote:
Sun Aug 28, 2022 10:18 pm


Reading this cut me like a knife.
Sorry, that wasn't my intention. This was a long time ago and I've gotten over it. It wasn't the first or even the worst case of physical abuse I experienced growing up. But as bad as the physical abuse was, I would have to say the emotional abuse was the hardest part about growing up that way. Other friends and family I knew got it just as bad or maybe even worse than I did. I just thought it was a normal part of growing up and didn't see any sign of it being abnormal until we left Alabama and moved to Atlanta in 1987. I was 16 at the time and that was when I encountered the Mormon family across the street. I think the lack of physical violence in their household was one of the things that attracted me to them.
Just so you don’t feel like the odd duck out, I was raised in similar circumstances by Silent Gen types; my father being raised by people that by today’s standards would be in jail. With hindsight and wisdom I realize they were just people trying the best they could, being handed a very difficult hand of cards themselves, and as such I try to be forgiving. However, that crap sticks and it’s definitely a process to come to terms with it.

I think maybe for us some of that history surfaces here and there, either within a relationship or with child rearing, and we feel a lot of guilt over it because we know better, but we failed to shake off all of the negative programming. All you can do is note it, discuss it with affected parties, and keep trying to do better. And bribe a kid with a car. Heh.

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