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Re: Generation X's Method of Parenting
Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2022 4:17 am
by Jersey Girl
Doctor Steuss wrote: ↑Wed Aug 17, 2022 2:56 pm
I wish I had something to add that was even remotely on par with what has been shared (seriously thank you so much Xeno, Jersey, and Schmo), I just wanted to share something my Dad told me.
I may have already shared this before, in which case I apologize for my repetition.
My son had started calling me “Daddy” within the first two months of me meeting him. It was discouraged by his mom and myself. Trying to redirect to “Stu” didn’t work, so we tried “Daddy-Stu” as an intermediary, but to no avail. He had decided I was “Daddy.” He would actually sometimes get upset with his mom when she’d try correcting him. “No Stu. Daddy!”
As time went by, my heart began to realize what his heart had known from the beginning. I was his dad, and he was my beautiful son. With that realization came a debilitating fear that I wouldn’t be a good father. I was painfully aware of my limitations, and mental/emotional challenges. One of the great ironies of having your heart ‘splode with love for someone is being haunted by the ghost of knowing that they deserve so much more than you’ll ever be able to give, and dancing around the twin specter of self-fulfilling prophecy.
I did what I always do when my noggin’ and heart are feuding, and left my little Treegap, and went to the immortal wisdom spring of my dad. This is the best recollection of what he told me (which, is likely to be slightly different than my next recollection, or my prior one):
“If you look at how your oldest brother parents his children, it is different than the way your mom and I did. Your older brother is the same. The way he is raising his children is different than the way we did, and different than your other brother. The same is true for your sister. All are different than the way your grandparents raised us. The one thing that all of them have in common is that they are done with sincere love. You love your son dearly -- keep that as your true North, and you’ll do alright.”
With the adage of “the best advice is the advice we give to others but fail to follow ourselves” in mind; you love your child, and were and still are mindful of your role as a parent, and the growth and well-being of your daughter. She turned out alright. Cut yourself, and her some slack.
I love your heart, Stu.
Re: Generation X's Method of Parenting
Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2022 4:35 am
by Jersey Girl
Some Schmo wrote: ↑Wed Aug 17, 2022 4:07 pm
Moksha wrote: ↑Wed Aug 17, 2022 3:13 pm
Kids have their entire life to straighten out parents' erroneous ideas, like saddling them with untenable belief systems and politics. If not, there is always hope for the grandchildren.
One thing I tried to do was let my daughter figure things out (philosophically) on her own. She knew I didn't believe in a god, but I let her go to church with her friends or cousins when she wanted to, telling her she had to decide that for herself.
Today, I'm not sure where she is on the question of gods, but she has rejected most religious beliefs on her own. Did I help influence that? Not actively, but probably, just by remodeling being decent without going to church. She does believe in some kind of mysticism, but getting her to define it is impossible because she's still in the process of working it out.
What do you mean by mysticism and how does she express it? Only if you're willing to say.
I raised my kids up in an SB church. One is now atheist so far as I can tell. I don't worry about it and it doesn't bother me. It doesn't create any divide between us at all.
You know, I think she's going to come up with her own beliefs and principles. I'm more than certain that you'll recognize at least some of it when you hear or see it.
Oh and I wanted to ask you this. What are you most proud of about your daughter?
Re: Generation X's Method of Parenting
Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2022 5:37 am
by Dr. Shades
Doctor Steuss wrote: ↑Wed Aug 17, 2022 2:56 pm
My son had started calling me “Daddy” within the first two months of me meeting him.
You weren't there from his birth?
As time went by, my heart began to realize what his heart had known from the beginning. I was his dad, and he was my beautiful son.
Why wasn't it immediately obvious?
Re: Generation X's Method of Parenting
Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2022 5:42 am
by honorentheos
Dr. Shades wrote: ↑Sun Aug 21, 2022 5:37 am
Doctor Steuss wrote: ↑Wed Aug 17, 2022 2:56 pm
My son had started calling me “Daddy” within the first two months of me meeting him.
You weren't there from his birth?
As time went by, my heart began to realize what his heart had known from the beginning. I was his dad, and he was my beautiful son.
Why wasn't it immediately obvious?
Sometimes I wonder if you ever read the board or just spend your time acronym hunting? If the context clues weren't enough, Steuss has shared about his life. His son isn't his biological child. Jesus, Shades.
Re: Generation X's Method of Parenting
Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2022 5:48 am
by Dr. Shades
honorentheos wrote: ↑Sun Aug 21, 2022 5:42 am
His son isn't his biological child.
In that case, it all makes sense.
Jesus, Shades.
A little bit of context goes a long, long way.
Re: Generation X's Method of Parenting
Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2022 5:52 am
by honorentheos
Dr. Shades wrote: ↑Sun Aug 21, 2022 5:48 am
honorentheos wrote: ↑Sun Aug 21, 2022 5:42 am
His son isn't his biological child.
In that case, it all makes sense.
Jesus, Shades.
A little bit of context goes a long, long way.
Dude.
Re: Generation X's Method of Parenting
Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2022 6:04 am
by Some Schmo
Jersey Girl wrote: ↑Sun Aug 21, 2022 4:35 am
What do you mean by mysticism and how does she express it? Only if you're willing to say.
She seems to put some kind of stock in astrology. I'm not sure if that qualifies as mysticism, but it mystifies me.
I raised my kids up in an SB church. One is now atheist so far as I can tell. I don't worry about it and it doesn't bother me. It doesn't create any divide between us at all.
You know, I think she's going to come up with her own beliefs and principles. I'm more than certain that you'll recognize at least some of it when you hear or see it.
No doubt. If my daughter told me she still believes in a god, it wouldn't bother me. She's not the type of person to push that kind of belief on others, so there's no reason to concern myself about it.
Oh and I wanted to ask you this. What are you most proud of about your daughter?
People invariably like her. She knows how to talk to people to gain their admiration and trust. She's socially adept.
Re: Generation X's Method of Parenting
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2022 2:48 am
by doubtingthomas
Some Schmo wrote: ↑Tue Aug 16, 2022 7:08 pm
I think Gen X and Millennial methods of parenting have led to the high levels of depression and anxiety we see in college students today, and I think it's because were were too nice to them in order to avoid being the "mean" parents we perceived ours to be.
Could this be part of the problem?
https://www.nbcnews.com/now/video/-the- ... 6588741917
Re: Generation X's Method of Parenting
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2022 2:32 pm
by Doctor CamNC4Me
doubtingthomas wrote: ↑Mon Aug 22, 2022 2:48 am
Some Schmo wrote: ↑Tue Aug 16, 2022 7:08 pm
I think Gen X and Millennial methods of parenting have led to the high levels of depression and anxiety we see in college students today, and I think it's because were were too nice to them in order to avoid being the "mean" parents we perceived ours to be.
Could this be part of the problem?
https://www.nbcnews.com/now/video/-the- ... 6588741917
For those who don’t want to click on the link because DT didn’t give any indication to its contents, it’s a NBC video about lonely young men who want young women and feel isolated because they’re not in a relationship getting sex.
- Doc
Re: Generation X's Method of Parenting
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2022 7:28 pm
by Morley
Some Schmo wrote: ↑Tue Aug 16, 2022 7:08 pm
I think Gen X and Millennial methods of parenting have led to the high levels of depression and anxiety we see in college students today, and I think it's because were were too nice to them in order to avoid being the "mean" parents we perceived ours to be.
Doctor CamNC4Me wrote: ↑Mon Aug 22, 2022 2:32 pm
For those who don’t want to click on the link because DT didn’t give any indication to its contents, it’s a NBC video about lonely young men who want young women and feel isolated because they’re not in a relationship getting sex.
Jesus. Thank you for saving me from that, Doc.