If I am aggressive is because people are aggressive with me

[Some Schmo]

I think the best we can do when criticizing something that is important to others is to understand that it will cause some pain to those others, and try as best we can to consider that when we choose our words.

Sure. Diplomacy and tactfulness are nice tools to employ. There are also very good reasons why, at some point, embassy personnel are recalled and *insert war analogy here*. I suppose each individual has to figure that out for themselves.

- Doc

Yeah, sometimes the kind of pain experienced in a place like this can be instructive (if someone is apt to learn meaningful lessons from pain, I suppose). It certainly has been instructive to me.

And let's face it; some people don't seem moved by anything, whether it be kindness or aggression. They're stuck inside an impervious circular wall.

[Res Ipsa]

I think the best we can do when criticizing something that is important to others is to understand that it will cause some pain to those others, and try as best we can to consider that when we choose our words.

Sure. Diplomacy and tactfulness are nice tools to employ. There are also very good reasons why, at some point, embassy personnel are recalled and *insert war analogy here*. I suppose each individual has to figure that out for themselves.

- Doc

I think so, and I apologize that I implied otherwise. By the best we can do, I meant not kidding ourselves into thinking others are being unreasonable when they react in a way that the brain commonly does. Everyone makes their own moral calculus when it comes to how they interact with others.

[doubtingthomas]

You are right. Your threads revolved around ideas that were meant to express your thoughts and desires. They were never meant to be disruptive like Binger's posts. The sentiments may not have been popular, but hey, this is America where everyone is accorded the right to express themselves. It is not the CCP or Sic et Non.

Likewise, other posters are free to disagree. They should not demean you in their disagreement.

Thanks man. Please don't believe what Marcus just said. She tends to quote me out of context, but this time she is just flat out lying. Marcus is a person who frequently looks a small snippets without understanding the context or the main point and she flat out lies sometimes.

I honestly wanted to be part of this online community, but that's not going to be possible anymore.

Apparently, 17 minutes is a "long time."

There's a difference between "attempting to influence" and "making choices". My post made no mention about women's choices. Feminists are trying to influence the way young women think. Feminists don't want young women (20s) to date older men.

When I talked about women's choices, it was in the context of women (on average) being more selective on dating apps, not in the context of feminism.

You sir, have made it impossible for me to participate in this board. You throw away everything that Marcus tells to you throw to the trash. Everything is sexist for her and almost everything I say is somehow related.

I use manipulative tactics sometimes, but all adults do to some extent. I do tell white lies, nobody is perfect, but I am not here to spread fake news. That's not my intent.

And Marcus just said some defamatory lies about me, but you won't delete them. You only delete the things I say.

I hope you and Marcus are happy. You should ban me permanently.

[doubtingthomas]

And you are a liar too, Res Ipsa. You disappointed me.

[doubtingthomas]

This situation seems stuck in a very bad place. I check in from time to time and find very little movement. I would be surprised if any of us did not feel, at times, like others here were not kind to us.

Not being kind is one thing, but the mods throwing away all of your opinions on different topics to the trash is another thing.

I can no longer be part of this board. Hopefully the mods ban me permanently to make Marcus happy.

[Moksha]

I can no longer be part of this board. Hopefully the mods ban me permanently to make Marcus happy.

In the words of Dr. Shades, "See you tomorrow".

[Res Ipsa]

Doubtingthomas,

No one is making it impossible for you to be a part of this community. Whether you participate or not is up to you. If you don’t want to participate, you don’t need anyone to perma ban your account. All you have to do is not log in and post. If you don’t want to read what people say, all you have to do is not visit the site. Both of these things are entirely within your control.

Given the fact that you’ve broken the rules by using a sockpuppet account twice to access the board in the last two days, why should we expect perma banning your account to have any effect?

Stay or go. It’s your choice and no one else’s.

[Marcus]

Sure. Diplomacy and tactfulness are nice tools to employ. There are also very good reasons why, at some point, embassy personnel are recalled and *insert war analogy here*. I suppose each individual has to figure that out for themselves.

- Doc

I think so, and I apologize that I implied otherwise. By the best we can do, I meant not kidding ourselves into thinking others are being unreasonable when they react in a way that the brain commonly does. Everyone makes their own moral calculus when it comes to how they interact with others.

Both points are good. There's a time for steelmanning another's argument (am i using that correctly, kind of the exact opposite of strawmanning, right?) and also a time to stand your ground.

I do like the steelmanning idea, it forces you to see a concept from another's viewpoint. It's one of the few times, in my opinion where 'fake it til you make it" has a legitimate benefit. It forces a point of view that i think naturally generates empathy.

I recall when i first started TAing in grad school; i was assigned to a finance class which the entire school football team, en masse, would take in the Spring. I gathered that this was simply a historical artifact at this Ivy League school, i assume because they figured they "must all hang together, or, most assuredly, [they would] all hang separately."
( My apologies to Franklin.)

Anyway, these student athletes were huge, and in my 20s, finding myself in Manhattan wrangling a whole class of these behemoths all by myself was, i don't mind admitting, fairly intimidating. And not that i would admit it then, but for a good Mormon girl, recently arrived from the sheltered west, who had been taught to "keep sweet" her entire life i was more than a little terrified. I had to develop a voice pretty damn quick, which i did, but I realized the power and control i had to vehemently exert in order to do my job was making me hate these idiot, arrogant, entitled athletes. So, i began reciting "charity nver faileth" while commuting to my TA sessions, over and over and over. And OVER. AND OVER. (I still have the tiny notebook i wrote this in, that i carried everywhere that first year.)

45 And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
46 Wherefore... if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—
47 But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever;...

And goddammit, wouldn't you know that by the end of the semester, i liked these dumb thugs, and i went over and above the call of duty helping them pass this required class. So, faking liking my students resulted in me actually liking them!! It set the tone for my entire teaching career. The irony is that i used a Mormon scripture to accomplish the exact opposite of the Mopologist strategy.

Anyway, back to my point. I agree sometimes there is a place for empathy, but other times, you have to stand your ground. Both are valid. You have to decide, for yourself, when enough is enough.

[Res Ipsa]

I think so, and I apologize that I implied otherwise. By the best we can do, I meant not kidding ourselves into thinking others are being unreasonable when they react in a way that the brain commonly does. Everyone makes their own moral calculus when it comes to how they interact with others.

Both points are good. There's a time for steelmanning another's argument (am i using that correctly, kind of the exact opposite of strawmanning, right?) and also a time to stand your ground.

I do like the steelmanning idea, it forces you to see a concept from another's viewpoint. It's one of the few times, in my opinion where 'fake it til you make it" has a legitimate benefit. It forces a point of view that i think naturally generates empathy.

I recall when i first started TAing in grad school; i was assigned to a finance class which the entire school football team, en masse, would take in the Spring. I gathered that this was simply a historical artifact at this Ivy League school, i assume because they figured they "must all hang together, or, most assuredly, [they would] all hang separately."
( My apologies to Franklin.)

Anyway, these student athletes were huge, and in my 20s, finding myself in Manhattan wrangling a whole class of these behemoths all by myself was, i don't mind admitting, fairly intimidating. And not that i would admit it then, but for a good Mormon girl, recently arrived from the sheltered west, who had been taught to "keep sweet" her entire life i was more than a little terrified. I had to develop a voice pretty damn quick, which i did, but I realized the power and control i had to vehemently exert in order to do my job was making me hate these idiot, arrogant, entitled athletes. So, i began reciting "charity nver faileth" while commuting to my TA sessions, over and over and over. And OVER. AND OVER. (I still have the tiny notebook i wrote this in, that i carried everywhere that first year.)

45 And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
46 Wherefore... if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—
47 But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever;...

And goddammit, wouldn't you know that by the end of the semester, i liked these dumb thugs, and i went over and above the call of duty helping them pass this required class. So, faking liking my students resulted in me actually liking them!! It set the tone for my entire teaching career. The irony is that i used a Mormon scripture to accomplish the exact opposite of the Mopologist strategy.

Anyway, back to my point. I agree sometimes there is a place for empathy, but other times, you have to stand your ground. Both are valid. You have to decide, for yourself, when enough is enough.

Great story, Marcus. Thanks.

[Jersey Girl]

Given the fact that you’ve broken the rules by using a sockpuppet account twice to access the board in the last two days, why should we expect perma banning your account to have any effect?

Why is he making up sockpuppets to begin with?