Manufacturing Happiness

[Some Schmo]

So, next month is Thanksgiving, which has slowly become my favorite holiday of the year (I used to be more partial to Christmas). Just recently, it feels like I've had a somewhat profound epiphany: giving thanks manufactures happiness.

In fact, I've come to realize that simply spending time appreciating what's good about my life puts me in a better mood.

My wife and I went on a little weekend getaway recently, and found this cute little town to spend a couple days touring, checking out the restaurants, breweries and wine tasting rooms, and absorbing the surrounding beauty. It occurred to me that the reason I love going on vacation so much is that my wife and I have a tendency to talk about how cool what we're experiencing is the whole time we're there. We're in maximum appreciation mode.

I've heard people talk about the benefits of giving thanks (always on Thanksgiving), but I'd never really internalized what they've been saying this whole time.

It's about one's focus. What do you choose to think about? What do you choose to dwell on? Lately I've been trying to focus on what I've got going for me (my wife and daughter, our house, our town, our financial stability, etc etc) and less on the things that concern or annoy me. I do this because I realize dwelling on the good makes me an overall happier person. I can create moments of happiness in my life by simply focusing on what's good.

In hindsight, this all seems obvious to me, and I suspect many of you reading this are thinking, well no crap, Sherlock, and that might be fair. I just thought I'd mention it because it seems to me to be one of the most valuable self-discoveries I've made. Be grateful, and happiness will follow.

[Doctor CamNC4Me]

Thanks for the post and observations, SS. My wife and I also often practice mindfulness, and within that, the basis is always in a gratitude exercise. It’s so easy to become an anger monkey and we’ve found that taking moments all day every day is helpful to stay more or less balanced out (as much as anyone can, really - excepting monks and the sort).

- Doc

[Some Schmo]

Thanks for the post and observations, SS. My wife and I also often practice mindfulness, and within that, the basis is always in a gratitude exercise. It’s so easy to become an anger monkey and we’ve found that taking moments all day every day is helpful to stay more or less balanced out (as much as anyone can, really - excepting monks and the sort).

- Doc

"Practice mindfulness..." Yes. Exactly. Well put.

I guess I like that so much because of the word practice. Making it a habit is taking it to the next level.

[Jersey Girl]

You guys are not going to believe this. I decided to talk about how I count my blessings in gratitude (and I will) and in the worst of times (and I mean worst) how I do that when I think in terms of "at least". When I saw a notification from one of my Facebook friends whose new post begins with those exact words. I will share...

First of all, very insightful post Schmo! You can see how your outlook changes when you focus on the positive things you are experiencing and what you see around you. Like the trips you take. Visiting new places, the scenery, good food, and I am sure, people watching. Just taking it all in and just being there. Making new memories to take home with you!

So I do this every day of my life and to be honest, it almost always involves nature in some way. People too and the every day experiences I have, but nature is always a thing for me. Today I went to pick up bar codes for the show I'm in as one of the artisans next week. Just got back. The folks have a driveway that's kind of like our own only it's paved. It is lined with black lamp posts and the husband (retired Army) decorates the whole thing every year by seasons. Right now is my favorite. All the lamp posts are wrapped with faux fall leave garlands, there are scare crows, hay bales, little signs, all kinds of things that celebrate fall. Seeing that takes me right back to fall in Jersey where the neighborhoods and roadside produce stands are all decked out for fall and where the deciduous trees are ALL the colors of fall, crimson maples being my all time favorite. So yes, I count that as a blessing that warms my heart in a glowy burning-embers-in-a-fireplace kind of way.

I can find things like that every day throughout the day. Like all the time.

When I pray I always begin with things or experiences I am grateful for. Well it's between my God and me but I pray for things like feeling well again, the sight of fall leaves, the way the air feels and trees smell, and of course the autumnal night sky. Things I managed to accomplish when I thought I didn't stand a chance. Just all kinds of things from my day. And people in my life that I'm grateful for. So I call that counting my blessings from the old hymn, Count your blessings. (name them one by one...count your blessings see what God has done...ok, I'll stop.)

The "at least" part is when the absolute worst happens and I still manage to grab on to something positive. You guys know our family experienced and sudden and tragic loss some years back. My dialogue went something like...at least we could get a flight out, at least we could pay for airline tickets, at least they could watch our animals, at least the weather was good enough to get to the airport (it was winter), at least we have a safe place to bring her home to and the...at least she's alive. Don't get me wrong. It was the most horrid thing that's ever happened to us but I clung to those small things and they kept me thinking and moving one foot in front of the other. And where there is life there is hope and there was.

I am sure that practicing gratitude changes our brain but I can't prove it at the moment. Endorphins I am fairly certain of it but I haven't researched. It just makes brain sense to me.

So the other "at least" part I mentioned. She is a friend of 4 years now. A young mother who has suffered for years with severe heart failure and a year ago, developed leukemia. Recent tests showed an improvement in her heart failure that the docs cannot explain. They were shocked! But long story short, the cancer is coming back. NOW. She starts chemo next week and the plan is to continue on with a bone marrow transplant so long as a donor can be found. The working plan was for her to have the bone marrow transplant AND a heart transplant at the same time but since the heart failure is improved, it's on to the BMT. She'll be in quarantine for 5 months, all through Christmas and has to stay home from work now, when they bring on the big time chemo for the bone marrow transplant she will lose her hair this time. She and her family are grieving about all of this. They are a Christian family and put their trust in God but of course they are grieving because it's disappointing, scary, and horrid to have to go through this again.

And the title of her recent post is "At least our freezer light works". The story is that their new freezer was on the fritz including the light and when they came back home recently, the light was on. So they now have a thing in their family in the middle of all of this miserable life threatening stress and concern that is hanging over their heads where they say..."At least our freezer light works!"

I recently talked to a friend where I talked about "one good thing". The freezer light is an example of "one good thing".

It's all gratitude whether we are taking in the sights and sounds around us or our station in life, or clinging to a life raft with what is left of our slipping finger tips. And I think as Schmo pointed out, it matters.

Love the topic, Schmo!

Okay I will shut it up now and go stick on hundreds of bar codes to teeny tiny little tags, so help me Hannah.

[Doctor CamNC4Me]

*snip*

Well put, as well as by your Facebook friend. I wish more people were like your ‘freezer light’ friend.

I sometimes feel like people don’t understand how truly miraculous this era of life is, and just how precious life in general really is, and they get lost in their own narrative to such a degree it feels like impertinence. I’m thankful, more like blown away, for that freezer light, and the miracle of engineering, manufacturing, logistics, and resource gathering that creates that light and turns it on. And the cold box in which it operates? damned forget about it - it’s bananas.

We live in a miracle. We are a miracle. Reality in of itself is miraculous. Magic is all around us if we just stop for a moment and squint at it.

- Doc

[Jersey Girl]

*snip*

Well put, as well as by your Facebook friend. I wish more people were like your ‘freezer light’ friend.

I sometimes feel like people don’t understand how truly miraculous this era of life is, and just how precious life in general really is, and they get lost in their own narrative to such a degree it feels like impertinence. I’m thankful, more like blown away, for that freezer light, and the miracle of engineering, manufacturing, logistics, and resource gathering that creates that light and turns it on. And the cold box in which it operates? damned forget about it - it’s bananas.

We live in a miracle. We are a miracle. Reality in of itself is miraculous. Magic is all around us if we just stop for a moment and squint at it.

- Doc

I couldn't agree with you more.

[Physics Guy]

And there are all these inanimate objects, thoughtless insects, and dimly conscious animals who can't even dream of being such complex blobs of atoms as we are.

Okay, there are probably also interstellar cosmic entities who can't even dream of being such crudely reacting blobs of atoms as we are. But, well, they're not here, at least not as far as we know. So we can just be happy that our neurons are working. Lots of atoms don't have anything like that.

[Some Schmo]

Great post, Jersey Girl. I love your "at least" concept.

As is typical of my mornings, today I scrolled though my google news feed to see what's happening in town, our country, and the world. After having started this thread and articulating the thoughts I've been ruminating on lately, I realized that there are a lot of stories I should just skip.

This is a bit counterintuitive to me, given that I believe in being well-informed on topics if I decide to talk about them. The thing is, you can't know everything. In fact, you can't really know everything there is to know on a single topic. An expert isn't someone who knows everything about a subject; she's someone who knows more than most people, but could always learn more.

Given that there are infinite topics, and infinite information on each of those topics, you're never going to know everything. There's opportunity cost associated with every choice we make, because our time is finite. This means we're required to choose what to consider and what to ignore.

It seems to me, given I only have 2 or 3 decades left to live, that I better choose what to think about wisely. And since I have choices to make, I might as well gravitate toward the positive, the things worth celebrating, rather than worrying about the infinite things that are available to worry about.

So yeah, I found myself skipping a lot of stories in my news feed today. I could worry about the new speaker being a "Christofascist" but I think I'd rather enjoy a story about how a man made a woman cry with joy over a $100 tip he gave her on a $14 check, or something like that.

[Some Schmo]

And there are all these inanimate objects, thoughtless insects, and dimly conscious animals who can't even dream of being such complex blobs of atoms as we are.

Okay, there are probably also interstellar cosmic entities who can't even dream of being such crudely reacting blobs of atoms as we are. But, well, they're not here, at least not as far as we know. So we can just be happy that our neurons are working. Lots of atoms don't have anything like that.

I'm starting to really feel like there is a critical relationship between the reality of the universe and the act of humans observing it, that our consciousness is somehow bound up in that equation, influencing it. Hearing about quantum physics does that to me... but I won't pretend to understand what I'm hearing.

It bothers me because there's something mystical in that idea given that it sounds a lot like magical thinking.

[honorentheos]

Don't know if anyone here listens to the Hidden Brain podcast but there are a number of great episodes that relate to the OP. For example:

https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/you-2-0 ... imes-last/